This is hard to type

Firstly, I should warn you, I'm a little loopy on wine and coffee flavored tequila. (Hey my husband said the combo was ok... hope he's right). I figured what more appropriate time to post about the drunk guy at open hockey this morning. Yes, Ringleader, from the "wow that pediatric oncologist just killed my comedic inspiration" post showed up this morning, and I could have sworn I heard him say during warm-ups "hey... I'm drunk... is that going to bother anyone?"

I figured... no that's not what I heard. It's 7:30 in the goddamn morning. He must have said something else. But no. When he came off the ice after his first shift and said "I might throw up on someone. I'm drunk.", I realized my ears were working after all. Turns out it was his birthday today. And he apparently really tied one on the night before, got about 2 hours sleep, and was still drunk when he showed up to play. (Which begs the question, how did he get there... but we'll pretend he didn't drive.)

Since there were 3 other goalies besides me, I got quite a bit of bench time. So here's a conglomeration of Ringleader quotes from the bench. Happy 41st birthday. (Which is total bullshit. If he's 41, I'm 19).

"Wow it's like a battle of wits. Nitwits."

"Look at Vladdy, he looks like a real pro" (someone trips Vladdy and he goes sprawling on his stomach) "Now he looks like an idiot."

Now this one requires some setup. We were rolling 5 D for most of the game. One of the forwards left early, so Ringleader decided that meant one of the D had to go up, so there would only be 4. The consensus on the bench was that one of the guys out on the ice at the time should go up, since no one else wanted to. Of course, they knew that guy wouldn't want to either. They discussed telling him his game was so well-rounded that he should play forward.

Then Ringleader told my husband: Ok. I'll go out next. When he comes off you tell him.

Husband: Nice, I like the way you're passing the buck.

Ringleader: Hey, I'm grooming you for the GM position.

It turned out one of the other guys volunteered to move up to forward. The words were barely out of his mouth when Ringleader said "WTF are you doing sitting with us then. Get out of here!"

Also, I learned that apparently, open hockey on Thanksgiving morning features water bottles full of beer being passed around the bench. You bet your ass I'll be showing up this year.