Recently, someone asked me if I've noticed anything different in my personality since I've started playing hockey. I thought about it, and answered that I think I'm more confident than I was. That's not saying much, considering I've never been all that confident, ever. But apparently, I also grew balls.
Earlier this week I was in a minor car accident in which I was absolutely, positively, nowhere near being anywhere at fault. An idiot with several missing brain cells tried to pull out onto a two-lane highway to turn left. Guess who was approaching in the left lane, minding her own business? Guess who honked madly, slammed on the brakes, and still was hit by this moronic individual who continued to pull out into oncoming traffic? Yeah, that would be me. Some choice words were exchanged, and the other driver backed his car back onto the street he came off of, to clear the road for traffic. I didn't budge, wanting it to be obvious to the cop where I was and what happened. And I had every intention of being a nice civil person. Until I was walking around the front of my car to inspect the damage, talking on the phone to my husband and telling him about the "***ing ***hole" who crashed into me. When I hung up, the passenger from the other car yelled across the street "Who's the ***ing ***hole?! You need to learn how to ***ing drive!"
Oh man.
Not the right thing to yell at me.
I charged across the street and got right in this jerk's face, yelling back at him. He continued yelling. We were yelling over each other and pointing angrily at each other and the scene, and the witness who had seen it all suddenly came over to try to calm me down. "Its not worth it...." she said, getting me to back away. And she's right. And that is absolutely not like me at all. Nevermind the fact that I could have gotten myself in a heap of trouble if that guy had a few more screws loose and a weapon of any kind. At that point the cop showed up and yelled from his window for all of us to get in our cars. I thought for sure at that point I was going to at least get a lecture. But you can always count on Ranger fans....
When the cop eventually approached my window, he looked down at the "C" on the shoulder of my Rangers jersey and said "That better be a Messier jersey." I said with a hopeful smile on my face, "No, it's Jagr....". He groaned, grabbed my paperwork, and walked away. Could have been worse though, he could have been a Devils fan. Then I definitely would have been in trouble. But I think the fact that both the driver and the passenger of the other car gave him all kinds of shit probably trumps any hockey loyalties and will go farther in this guy's memory should there ever be a situation that comes down to the jerkoff's word against mine (such as, any kind of ridiculous charges that result from me charging across the street like that).
I seriously have no idea where that burst of brashness came from. I can only think it must be "hockey balls", because I get the same way when defending my net. And I'm still fired up about the incident, honestly. Hopefully I can bring some of that on the ice with me when we have our next game.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Quotes from the Womens' Locker Room
Since I'm not in there all that often, this probably won't be a regular feature. But this was just too good not to share.
Last night I went to adult skills clinic, since I knew I'd be unable to make it out to open hockey this morning. I dropped my gear in the "Womens' Locker Room", or "closet" and started getting ready. The last few times I came to clinic on a Thursday night, I had company in the form of a friendly young woman who had just started (literally- never played before that first night) playing hockey, and also happens to be attending med school. I was just wondering if she'd be there that night when the door opened and in she walked. After greeting each other, since it had been a while since I'd seen her, I asked her how her classes were going. "Pretty good," she said, and with bright enthusiasm followed up with "Today we learned how to do rectal and vaginal exams!"
I didn't really know what to say to that. So I asked if she meant they did them on real people (as opposed to hearing a lecture). She confirmed that yes, they were done on real people.
That begs the question..... who are the dudes volunteering for rectal exams done by med students? And do we really want to know?
Last night I went to adult skills clinic, since I knew I'd be unable to make it out to open hockey this morning. I dropped my gear in the "Womens' Locker Room", or "closet" and started getting ready. The last few times I came to clinic on a Thursday night, I had company in the form of a friendly young woman who had just started (literally- never played before that first night) playing hockey, and also happens to be attending med school. I was just wondering if she'd be there that night when the door opened and in she walked. After greeting each other, since it had been a while since I'd seen her, I asked her how her classes were going. "Pretty good," she said, and with bright enthusiasm followed up with "Today we learned how to do rectal and vaginal exams!"
I didn't really know what to say to that. So I asked if she meant they did them on real people (as opposed to hearing a lecture). She confirmed that yes, they were done on real people.
That begs the question..... who are the dudes volunteering for rectal exams done by med students? And do we really want to know?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
GoalieHusband's Triumphant Return
After nine long months of watching from the bench or stands as his wife and friends played the game he loves and wished he could play, GoalieHusband made his official return to the ice on Monday night. I can't even imagine how difficult it was to be on the outside like that, wishing desperately that he could be out there on the ice with us, and I give him huge kudos for handling it so well. I know I would have been a cranky, moody, grumpy mess had it been me. That's a long time to be sidelined. (For those following along at home, he had ACL reconstruction surgery back in April. His knee was an absolute disaster when they finally got in there to make things right.)
To make matters worse, not only was he missing out on ice time with our team, which has become a pretty solid group, the team moved up to the next level while he was out. I know that had to sting, because he was ready to move up long before the rest of us were. Because of the long layoff, he was concerned about his stamina (rightly so) and about getting his legs and hockey sense back, so he reluctantly signed up for a season in the instructional league to spend some time getting the rust off. On Monday night, he played his first game, and I went along with him to watch - I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Being the rink rats that we are, we've become friendly with several of the staff and people who are there as much as we are. So when we arrived on Monday night and he stopped at the front desk to get his jersey, that was the first of several rounds of warm welcomes he was to receive that night. Since we were incredibly early (due in part to his nerves), we wandered over to see the other instructional league game in progress. As soon as we walked in the door, from across the ice both coaches threw their arms up in the air and cheered. We stopped by the penalty box and one of the refs came over and greeted him heartily through the glass. Granted, some of these people are our drinking buddies, but it was clear that they were truly happy to have him back. And it didn't end there. When his team came out on the ice to warm up, the same ref came over and gave him a big clap on the back in welcome. And I saw him also get similar greetings from the coaches when they arrived. It actually almost made me misty-eyed.
He played extremely well for having been gone so long, and was part of two 5-on-3 penalty kills. (His team had a revolving door installed in the penalty box. It was mind-blowing. As was the forwards' failure to grasp the concept of "offsides". But that's why its an instructional league...)And there is no doubt in my mind that he is truly "back", because after being slammed pretty hard into the boards by a player who uses his lack of ability to stop as an excuse to hit people, he turned around and yelled (and I heard this with my own ears all the way over on the bleachers), "You hit me like that again and I'll f*&#in' deck you."
Ah yes... Welcome back, GoalieHusband. I have no doubt that you'll be joining the rest of the team after this season is over. It's been a long time and I miss my "big dumb defenseman". ;)
To make matters worse, not only was he missing out on ice time with our team, which has become a pretty solid group, the team moved up to the next level while he was out. I know that had to sting, because he was ready to move up long before the rest of us were. Because of the long layoff, he was concerned about his stamina (rightly so) and about getting his legs and hockey sense back, so he reluctantly signed up for a season in the instructional league to spend some time getting the rust off. On Monday night, he played his first game, and I went along with him to watch - I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Being the rink rats that we are, we've become friendly with several of the staff and people who are there as much as we are. So when we arrived on Monday night and he stopped at the front desk to get his jersey, that was the first of several rounds of warm welcomes he was to receive that night. Since we were incredibly early (due in part to his nerves), we wandered over to see the other instructional league game in progress. As soon as we walked in the door, from across the ice both coaches threw their arms up in the air and cheered. We stopped by the penalty box and one of the refs came over and greeted him heartily through the glass. Granted, some of these people are our drinking buddies, but it was clear that they were truly happy to have him back. And it didn't end there. When his team came out on the ice to warm up, the same ref came over and gave him a big clap on the back in welcome. And I saw him also get similar greetings from the coaches when they arrived. It actually almost made me misty-eyed.
He played extremely well for having been gone so long, and was part of two 5-on-3 penalty kills. (His team had a revolving door installed in the penalty box. It was mind-blowing. As was the forwards' failure to grasp the concept of "offsides". But that's why its an instructional league...)And there is no doubt in my mind that he is truly "back", because after being slammed pretty hard into the boards by a player who uses his lack of ability to stop as an excuse to hit people, he turned around and yelled (and I heard this with my own ears all the way over on the bleachers), "You hit me like that again and I'll f*&#in' deck you."
Ah yes... Welcome back, GoalieHusband. I have no doubt that you'll be joining the rest of the team after this season is over. It's been a long time and I miss my "big dumb defenseman". ;)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Nostalgia, numb feet, and broken glass.
The town roller rink where I first made my fledgling attempts at stopping pucks floods one of the rinks in the winter and lets it freeze over, for some good old-time pond hockey. Since its been about two years since I played out there, when talk started last week about gathering a group for our very own "winter classic" this past weekend, I figured what the heck, I'll give it a go.
Then I looked at the forecast. Ouch. But having already given my word that I would be one of the two goalies I could hardly back out. Besides, the chance to play against and with some of the guys I haven't seen in a long time was too good to pass up. I steeled myself for some bitter cold and decided to suck it up and have a good time. (Ok, so it wasn't "bitter cold" by lets say.... Minnesota standards. But 15*F in the sun is a tad bit nip). It actually wasn't too bad once I got moving out there. Pretty soon the feeling came back into my fingertips and I was having fun stopping pucks fired from old acquaintances. As the afternoon wore on, more people stopped by the rink for whatever game they could jump in on, and we had quite a lot of players. After two hours of playing, I could no longer feel my feet, and a tweak of pain in my problem hip had me concerned, so I packed it in.
Although I had fun being out there and playing hockey, especially playing with GoalieHusband again, after a long recuperation from knee surgery, ultimately the experience wasn't as great as I remembered it. I chalk that up to being totally spoiled by indoor rinks and their new-fangled climate control, and things like nets that stay in one place, and lines and circles as reference points, and boards that don't have 2 feet of snow piled up along them. There's also a lot less danger to your car in an indoor rink parking lot. Apparently, when we were all warming up (literally and figuratively), a puck went off the crossbar of the net closest to the parking lot and took a weird carom up and over the protective fencing and landed on my windshield. Fortunately it didn't go through the glass, but probably due to the extreme cold, my windshield is now covered in a giant spiral crack with a puck-sized piece of untouched glass in the middle. Untouched, that is, except for a black puck mark. It's actually kind of on the amusing side.
What's not amusing though is the fact that I have to have it replaced. The guy who shot the puck came right over and told me about it, and insisted on paying for it, but I feel bad taking his money considering I parked right in the first row of spaces, and I know from experience playing roller that pucks sometimes go over that fence. So I have an appointment for a mobile glass place to come replace it tomorrow, since I don't feel comfortable driving it in that condition. (I drove it home from the rink, but the cracking and popping sound of the glass as the crack spread further was quite unsettling). Which is really too bad, because while talking to a mutual hockey friend I discovered that my coach (of all people!) used to own an auto glass place in a nearby town, and replacing a windshield would be a breeze for him. How hysterical would it be if I showed up at his place with my puck-shaped disaster of a windshield and said "Hey... I heard you know how to fix this."
Of course, I'd be opening myself up for a comeback something like "well it'll be a heck of a lot easier than fixing your glove hand"... so it's probably all for the best that I won't be doing that.
Then I looked at the forecast. Ouch. But having already given my word that I would be one of the two goalies I could hardly back out. Besides, the chance to play against and with some of the guys I haven't seen in a long time was too good to pass up. I steeled myself for some bitter cold and decided to suck it up and have a good time. (Ok, so it wasn't "bitter cold" by lets say.... Minnesota standards. But 15*F in the sun is a tad bit nip). It actually wasn't too bad once I got moving out there. Pretty soon the feeling came back into my fingertips and I was having fun stopping pucks fired from old acquaintances. As the afternoon wore on, more people stopped by the rink for whatever game they could jump in on, and we had quite a lot of players. After two hours of playing, I could no longer feel my feet, and a tweak of pain in my problem hip had me concerned, so I packed it in.
Although I had fun being out there and playing hockey, especially playing with GoalieHusband again, after a long recuperation from knee surgery, ultimately the experience wasn't as great as I remembered it. I chalk that up to being totally spoiled by indoor rinks and their new-fangled climate control, and things like nets that stay in one place, and lines and circles as reference points, and boards that don't have 2 feet of snow piled up along them. There's also a lot less danger to your car in an indoor rink parking lot. Apparently, when we were all warming up (literally and figuratively), a puck went off the crossbar of the net closest to the parking lot and took a weird carom up and over the protective fencing and landed on my windshield. Fortunately it didn't go through the glass, but probably due to the extreme cold, my windshield is now covered in a giant spiral crack with a puck-sized piece of untouched glass in the middle. Untouched, that is, except for a black puck mark. It's actually kind of on the amusing side.
What's not amusing though is the fact that I have to have it replaced. The guy who shot the puck came right over and told me about it, and insisted on paying for it, but I feel bad taking his money considering I parked right in the first row of spaces, and I know from experience playing roller that pucks sometimes go over that fence. So I have an appointment for a mobile glass place to come replace it tomorrow, since I don't feel comfortable driving it in that condition. (I drove it home from the rink, but the cracking and popping sound of the glass as the crack spread further was quite unsettling). Which is really too bad, because while talking to a mutual hockey friend I discovered that my coach (of all people!) used to own an auto glass place in a nearby town, and replacing a windshield would be a breeze for him. How hysterical would it be if I showed up at his place with my puck-shaped disaster of a windshield and said "Hey... I heard you know how to fix this."
Of course, I'd be opening myself up for a comeback something like "well it'll be a heck of a lot easier than fixing your glove hand"... so it's probably all for the best that I won't be doing that.
Friday, January 16, 2009
The perfect wake-me-up
Sometimes its hard on a Thursday night, to get inspired to pack up all my gear, my shower stuff, my clothes to change into for work, and set my alarm clock obnoxiously early for a Friday morning, especially when its bitter, bitter cold outside. But I remind myself how glad I'll be once I'm there on the ice, awake and stopping pucks.
It was totally worth it today. This morning our usual crowd was infused with a group of guys who normally play at an outdoor rink. Due to the extreme temperatures and several of their members having "frostbite issues with their feet", they had to cancel. So we got an influx of flashy stickhandlers and fast skaters. I know the skaters aren't always thrilled with this, as it makes the benches rather crowded, but I love it when this happens. These guys make me bring my game to another level and I usually do really well when I play with/against them. But aside from that the pace of the game stays pretty high the whole time, due to their speed, and to the numbers helping to keep everyone fresh. (I know, I know, skaters... you get bored on the bench... I'm sorry I just can't help it but I love the pace of these games!)
Mornings like this are a terrific start to the weekend, even if I have to go to work afterwards. And they make me think one thing:
Damn, I love being a goalie!
It was totally worth it today. This morning our usual crowd was infused with a group of guys who normally play at an outdoor rink. Due to the extreme temperatures and several of their members having "frostbite issues with their feet", they had to cancel. So we got an influx of flashy stickhandlers and fast skaters. I know the skaters aren't always thrilled with this, as it makes the benches rather crowded, but I love it when this happens. These guys make me bring my game to another level and I usually do really well when I play with/against them. But aside from that the pace of the game stays pretty high the whole time, due to their speed, and to the numbers helping to keep everyone fresh. (I know, I know, skaters... you get bored on the bench... I'm sorry I just can't help it but I love the pace of these games!)
Mornings like this are a terrific start to the weekend, even if I have to go to work afterwards. And they make me think one thing:
Damn, I love being a goalie!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Abandoned
The team is 0-2 on the young season so far, and while our last loss was a team effort, I felt that I in particular had a poor game. It started with a goal basically off the opening faceoff, where an opponent walked in, got me to bite on a deke, and put it effortlessly around me. The D probably should have had him, but I should have been more prepared for the shot as well. Things did get better though, and I did play well in some spots, but I’m not happy with any of the goals really. One was a screen that I had absolutely no clue on, but other than that, I should have had the others. I’m not here to beat myself up over that though (I spent most of Monday night doing that already and now I’m over it), but to report a curious incident in the third period.
I had a really good focus going, especially at one point in the second on a shorthanded breakaway of sorts where I just got the “no f-in’ way, man” feeling and totally challenged and turned away the shot, but strangely, in the third period it was gone. I was doing fine until for some reason I missed a delayed penalty in the other end. It wasn’t until I heard the bench screaming to get my attention that I realized what was going on. I hauled ass to the bench, but got there just as the other team got the puck and the ref blew the play dead. I heard one of my teammates grouse about me not having my head in the game, which I totally deserved. But when I got back to the net I felt strangely exposed. My focus was totally gone. I could practically hear the wind echoing through my empty head. No Andrei, singing to me in Russian. GoalieBrain? Nowhere to be found. Not a peep from Steve. I could feel it happening (my loss of focus) but try as I might, I couldn’t get it back. Though we were already down 1 goal at that point, I feel partially responsible for the 3 that followed, being that I wasn’t in my zone. It rattled me- the fact that I could lose focus like that and not get it back. So now I have to find a trick to summon all those voices back into my head when they decide to bail on me. My pledge to my team: that will NOT happen again. You can count on it.
Hmmmm…. Why is it that I’m more concerned about admitting that I lost focus, than admitting that NOT having voices in my head was a problem?
I had a really good focus going, especially at one point in the second on a shorthanded breakaway of sorts where I just got the “no f-in’ way, man” feeling and totally challenged and turned away the shot, but strangely, in the third period it was gone. I was doing fine until for some reason I missed a delayed penalty in the other end. It wasn’t until I heard the bench screaming to get my attention that I realized what was going on. I hauled ass to the bench, but got there just as the other team got the puck and the ref blew the play dead. I heard one of my teammates grouse about me not having my head in the game, which I totally deserved. But when I got back to the net I felt strangely exposed. My focus was totally gone. I could practically hear the wind echoing through my empty head. No Andrei, singing to me in Russian. GoalieBrain? Nowhere to be found. Not a peep from Steve. I could feel it happening (my loss of focus) but try as I might, I couldn’t get it back. Though we were already down 1 goal at that point, I feel partially responsible for the 3 that followed, being that I wasn’t in my zone. It rattled me- the fact that I could lose focus like that and not get it back. So now I have to find a trick to summon all those voices back into my head when they decide to bail on me. My pledge to my team: that will NOT happen again. You can count on it.
Hmmmm…. Why is it that I’m more concerned about admitting that I lost focus, than admitting that NOT having voices in my head was a problem?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Flatter me, Part 2
From open hockey several days ago:
Dude on the bench: So how long have you been playing hockey?
Me: About 2 years.
Dude: Cool. So did you play in high school then?
Um. Wow. Either he wasn't paying attention to what I said, is a total dimwit, or was trying to get into my (goalie) pants. Because come on. There's no one mistaking me for a 19 year old.
Dude on the bench: So how long have you been playing hockey?
Me: About 2 years.
Dude: Cool. So did you play in high school then?
Um. Wow. Either he wasn't paying attention to what I said, is a total dimwit, or was trying to get into my (goalie) pants. Because come on. There's no one mistaking me for a 19 year old.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Back in the saddle...errrr... net?
Ok, new year, new resolve to actually start writing this thing again. I found that I kind of missed it. Last night when I came home from my game and was telling GoalieHusband all about it, I even told him what I was going to blog about. So I guess my muse has returned.
Unfortunately, the hockey gods weren't as kind. Last night was our first game in our new season, our second season in "lower D", and we played a team that we've beaten before. We went up 2-0 in the first period actually, but they ended up tying it on two quick goals and from there it kind of unravelled. By the beginning of the 3rd period we were behind 5-3 and despite the score I just KNEW we could come back, given our history and tenacity. And I said so at the bench before the period started. We battled back and managed to tie it 5-5 with about 3 minutes left in the game, and managed to attack their end and sustain their attack on ours - until 12 seconds left when they scored. Damn, that hurt. I felt responsible, because it was a clean shot from the wing and had I had a better angle on it, I'd have made that save with ease. So, not the best start to the season on my part, though I did make some pretty good saves to keep us in it a few times. Still.... with 12 seconds left that's a huge downer.
But I didn't come here to beat myself up. Two things happened in the game that I found rather amusing and I figured I'd share. Firstly; my butt-save. Mid-way through the first period I still hadn't faced any shots, when a guy came down the right wing pretty much all alone and walked in for the shot. I stood my ground and waited until he was pretty close to block it, and unfortunately although I got it with my stick, the puck rode up my paddle and I felt it bounce off my back. I immediately went down and put my glove behind me, hoping to stop the puck from slithering over the line. The whistle blew, and I heard people saying "is it in?" "where is it?". The ref came over and told me to stay still, then turn around. I did, slowly, expecting to see the puck sitting right on the goal line, but it was nowhere to be seen. "Its in your pants," he said, and plucked it out of a sort of pocket my jersey had made in the top of my pants, which had stuck out. He laughed and shook his head "That's the first time I've ever seen that," he said as he went to set up for the faceoff. Silly ref. Haven't you ever seen a former bellydancer make a butt-save before?
Secondly... it's getting a little crowded in my head. I've told you about the song that runs through my head, keeping ThinkingBrain occupied during games. And I've told you about GoalieBrain, who shows up now and then and barks commands at me that I didn't realize I knew. Well now I have another companion. This one's a little less imaginary than the others, considering its a voice I know well. Let me backtrack. Back in our roller hockey days, we had one guy from behind the former Iron Curtain who used to yell "HELP YOU! HELP YOU!" to let teammates know he was open behind them, or coming for support. Combine that with the fact that recently I've been changing my thinking when seeing an oncoming shooter (especially on a breakaway) from the negative "you are NOT going to score this goal" to the more positive "I'm going to STUFF you"... and you get what happened last night. In comes a guy on a semi-breakaway. I hear Steve shouting "STUFF YOU! STUFF YOU!" in my head. This happened more than once.
Happily, I can report that I made the save each time I had Steve yelling in my head. I'm not sure what will happen when he gets in a fight with Andrei, who's singing along the entire time in Russian. Probably GoalieBrain will tell them both to shut the f*ck up and whack them with her stick.
Unfortunately, the hockey gods weren't as kind. Last night was our first game in our new season, our second season in "lower D", and we played a team that we've beaten before. We went up 2-0 in the first period actually, but they ended up tying it on two quick goals and from there it kind of unravelled. By the beginning of the 3rd period we were behind 5-3 and despite the score I just KNEW we could come back, given our history and tenacity. And I said so at the bench before the period started. We battled back and managed to tie it 5-5 with about 3 minutes left in the game, and managed to attack their end and sustain their attack on ours - until 12 seconds left when they scored. Damn, that hurt. I felt responsible, because it was a clean shot from the wing and had I had a better angle on it, I'd have made that save with ease. So, not the best start to the season on my part, though I did make some pretty good saves to keep us in it a few times. Still.... with 12 seconds left that's a huge downer.
But I didn't come here to beat myself up. Two things happened in the game that I found rather amusing and I figured I'd share. Firstly; my butt-save. Mid-way through the first period I still hadn't faced any shots, when a guy came down the right wing pretty much all alone and walked in for the shot. I stood my ground and waited until he was pretty close to block it, and unfortunately although I got it with my stick, the puck rode up my paddle and I felt it bounce off my back. I immediately went down and put my glove behind me, hoping to stop the puck from slithering over the line. The whistle blew, and I heard people saying "is it in?" "where is it?". The ref came over and told me to stay still, then turn around. I did, slowly, expecting to see the puck sitting right on the goal line, but it was nowhere to be seen. "Its in your pants," he said, and plucked it out of a sort of pocket my jersey had made in the top of my pants, which had stuck out. He laughed and shook his head "That's the first time I've ever seen that," he said as he went to set up for the faceoff. Silly ref. Haven't you ever seen a former bellydancer make a butt-save before?
Secondly... it's getting a little crowded in my head. I've told you about the song that runs through my head, keeping ThinkingBrain occupied during games. And I've told you about GoalieBrain, who shows up now and then and barks commands at me that I didn't realize I knew. Well now I have another companion. This one's a little less imaginary than the others, considering its a voice I know well. Let me backtrack. Back in our roller hockey days, we had one guy from behind the former Iron Curtain who used to yell "HELP YOU! HELP YOU!" to let teammates know he was open behind them, or coming for support. Combine that with the fact that recently I've been changing my thinking when seeing an oncoming shooter (especially on a breakaway) from the negative "you are NOT going to score this goal" to the more positive "I'm going to STUFF you"... and you get what happened last night. In comes a guy on a semi-breakaway. I hear Steve shouting "STUFF YOU! STUFF YOU!" in my head. This happened more than once.
Happily, I can report that I made the save each time I had Steve yelling in my head. I'm not sure what will happen when he gets in a fight with Andrei, who's singing along the entire time in Russian. Probably GoalieBrain will tell them both to shut the f*ck up and whack them with her stick.
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