Yeah, we need to work on that

I missed open hockey last week because I decided it would be smarter to be at work, given some of the stuff that's been going on. Wouldn't you know, I could have come in late, no problem. So, I was thrilled to get a call to sub for one of the instructional league teams this week. While I have been trying to stay on the ice as much as possible by doing open hockey, its not the same as being in the rhythm of an actual game. It felt good to get back into that the other night. I played very well, which is probably a good thing for my confidence given the shellacking I've been taking in the other league.

Well.... when I say I played well, I mean I made a lot of saves and tracked the puck well. What I didn't do well was play the puck. In fact I took several steps backward and was back in the old habit of being completely paralyzed in deciding if I should get it or not, and once going out to get it, doing the completely wrong thing with it. At one point, I even sprinted out to get it as it came into our zone, with no one else around, but as I skated towards it I caught an edge and my legs flew out from under me and I landed on my right ass cheek. Hard. I also landed on top of the puck, and the defenseman coming back for it was baffled. He also had a trailer on him. I fished it out from under me and pushed it to him and scrambled back to the net, only to notice the ref standing at the half boards, laughing his ass off. "I wish I had a camera for that one, goalie", he said. Yeah, thanks ref. (Though in all fairness, if he landed on his ass like that I'd have laughed too).

I really need to get past this mental block. I was even discussing it with one of my defensemen, who said it's a huge help if I can get out and play it, but I just freeze like a squirrel in the middle of oncoming traffic. Maybe GoalieBrain needs to smack ConsciousBrain around a little. Hmmm.... would that count as a goalie fight?

Its all about the backside push, baby

I don't have much to comment on, since I can't get on the damn ice. Not only that, but for several days, Center Ice has not been working in Goalie Household. Finally we got it back on track last night, and were watching Ottawa vs Buffalo (in between periods of the Ranger game, obviously). At one point, Alex Auld slid effortlessly across his crease (while down) and it was so smooth and fluid, even Goalie Husband, who watches other parts of the game besides just the goalie, noticed and was impressed. It's just a quick little simple move. But it's so much more difficult than it looks because you're using one leg to push your whole body over to the side. He did it so quickly and seemingly effortlessly that I just sat there in envy, feeling a little hopeless of ever being able to be that smooth and efficient.

Thats when I remembered what my friend is always pounding into my head- don't wish for it, work for it. And I realized that these exercises that I curse as I'm doing them are what's going to give me the ability to hopefully get to that point. Not that I'm delusional enough to think I'll ever be at Alex Auld's level, but I'm going for as much increase in skill and strength as possible. And now I've got that image in my head. And someone else to curse as I'm struggling through squats "until muscle failure". So F U Alex Auld. You're going to make me work harder.

Flatter me, please

Incredibly sore legs notwithstanding, I played open hockey again today (after also playing yesterday). It's extremely frustrating to have a month-long gap in our league's schedule, but I'm doing what I can to stay on the ice. Good thing I have a ton of vacation time I can use at work for these late mornings.

Today's game was unremarkable other than the fact that it was pretty fast and we had a few guys I haven't seen. We also had four goalies. That's common for summer, but rare for this time of year. So, I had the chance to languish on the bench for a while. Now, when I sit on the bench I don't usually talk to anyone, because I don't really know too many people there. So I was off at the end of the bench, in my own world, watching the other goalie who was quite good, and trying to absorb skill and knowledge just from watching. A guy halfway down the bench banged his stick on the bench- I guess he was trying to get my attention for a while and I didn't notice. He struck up a conversation with me, asking me if I was in my own little world. I said, "Yes, Goalieland". We chatted a little, and he asked me if I went to school in the area (there's a university nearby). I laughed and said "No, but thank you". So, go me. A 34 yr old looking like a college student. This guy was obviously pre-gaming in the locker room if he thought that.

The only other thing of note is that now I am completely spoiled rotten in terms of skate sharpening. When I got to the rink I realized my skates were extremely dull and had a few nicks in them. Since my coach was just standing around shooting the breeze after his morning lesson, I asked if he would do me a favor and sharpen them. He obliged... and I swear it took him probably 20 minutes. I was standing there thinking, these are either going to be really good, or really crappy. Even Johnson was giving him a hard time about how long he was taking. Well the minute I set foot on the ice I knew it was just because he's meticulous. Wow. I can't even explain what it was about the sharpening that was so good other than it was just PERFECT. I guess it takes a goalie to sharpen goalie skates just right. Except now I'm spoiled- the guy at the pro shop doesn't come anywhere close to what he did. I might have to find a way to bribe him to do it on a regular basis. Beer will probably work...

(I just realized I mentioned beer in both paragraphs here. Obviously, I'm very much looking forward to my first of many Halloween parties tonight. And given the crap that's been going on at work, could definitely use a beer or four.)

Um, yeah. Ow.

No I didn't overdo it. I actually cut the workout down due to the fact that I overslept by a half hour. But I was determined to at least do something, figuring something is better than nothing, and I actually did quite a bit. I only cut out one set of two exercises each. And I only got shot in the head once. (My friend said to approach it like someone has a gun pointed at your head, and when you think you're too tired to go on, imagine that AK pointed at your melon. Well, I quit a few seconds early on one of the exercises so I guess my brain got splattered.) At any rate, I am happy with the results- just enough to make me feel it but not so much that I overdid it. And I told my friend what I did and how much of it, and apologized for it being pathetic, but he said it was actually a really great start. So go me. I have two days in a row of morning hockey and then I'll get back to the workout. If I'm not too hung over on Saturday that is...

stronger legs = better push = faster goalie

During my last open hockey outing I did really well, but I noticed something that I seem to have trouble with. I won't bore you with the details, but I was discussing it with the friend I mentioned a while ago who was a pro prospect up until this summer, and once again he hit the nail on the head. He said I need to be quicker. I surmised that meant I need stronger leg muscles and he agreed, saying plyometric training is the way to go. I didn't say much, thinking what I've read about plyometrics is confusing, but the next thing I knew, my inbox was blinking at me; he'd sent me his personal off-ice training program from when he was actively training for pro hockey. I thought that was really cool of him, and of course being the sponge that I am when it comes to soaking up goalie knowledge, found it fascinating. Of course, it's obviously designed for someone who's job it is to train all day, so this is not something I could fit into my schedule. Nor is it something that would be physically possible for my body to do, as it would require about 3,000 calories a day PLUS protein drinks. However, we discussed how I could break it down and pick it apart for my needs, and turn a 6 day a week training regimen into 2 to 3 workouts per week that will greatly benefit my reaction, endurance and strength on the ice.

I cannot wait to get started. As much as I loathed getting up early on a Monday morning so I could be at the rink getting my butt kicked by 6:30, I really miss it. I miss the instruction and I miss the workout. Once the post-practice food hit my system I perked up and felt great all day. So my plan, and he agreed this was probably the best way to do it, is to get up early and do the workouts in the morning before work. All I need now is the motivation to actually get my butt out of bed and do this. It's easier when you know someone's waiting for you at the rink (and you have to pay them to torture you), than when the only person you have to answer to is yourself. But discipline is also an important part of athletics so I guess that's all part of the package.

Incidentally, looking at this training program, I think to myself... wow, I would absolutely love for that to be my job. But as he pointed out "that's my work week", and he got paid hardly anything for it, and there's always someone behind you waiting to take your place... I can see that there is a lot more to being a pro athlete than the glamour everyone thinks of. Still, it looks like heaven to me. I think I'll be ready to start tomorrow morning; I just need to work on some details of what I'm going to do and when, and just bite the bullet and do it. When the instructions on the exercise say "repeat until muscle failure", you know you're in for a good workout.

Patience, Grasshopper

My long-distance goalie buddy "Guru" and I have fallen into the habit of texting each other after games. After Monday's debacle I texted him saying "another blowout. so frustrated". He replied: "Patience. It will come." I know he's right. I know there's a learning curve here and really, I'm no stranger to those. I just need to forge ahead and get myself on the ice as much as possible so I can work through it and climb my way up that curve.

With that in mind I was at the rink for open hockey yesterday. Not surprisingly, I ran into my coach. (I've had to put a stop to the lessons for a while for financial reasons but I still see him around). Since I already knew a little bird had told him about my shellacking, I brought it up. After joking that yeah he'd seen something on the news wire under the heading "a bad showing", he said something really interesting. He reminded me that you're never as good as your best game and you're never as bad as your worst game. Sounds like something I'd do well to remember. Guess that's why he's the coach eh?

Mortified

I knew going in to this league that we'd be the bottom feeders at first, maybe even for the whole season. I knew we'd have some lopsided losses. But what has become painfully evident to me is that it's not the team as a whole that is below par, it's me. When games are played predominantly in the opposition's zone and you still end up with 11 goals against; that's a goaltending problem. When play comes down into your zone and you know it's invariably going to end up in the net; that's a goaltending problem.

I told my team last night to find another goalie, because I'm so embarrassed by how much of a liability I am. The guys I moved up with from the lower league, for some reason I'm not as embarrassed in front of them, but the other half of the team is a bunch of pretty good guys we know and played with here and there and asked to join the team and I feel like they think this must be some kind of joke.

I'm not really quitting the league. They were words said in anger and frustration at myself. And I wanted them to know I know I don't belong in this league. But I paid my fee and I'm going to play. I will find some way to hopefully get better and stop giving up crappy soft goals, because there were a hell of a lot of those last night. Yes, there were some due to defensive breakdowns. But the majority of the goals last night were complete shit that I should have stopped.

That's it for the pity party. We have a few weeks off now so hopefully I can get some open hockey in and try to sharpen up a little.

Ahhh... that's better!

See, I knew that's all I needed. It's been a while since I played open hockey, and I went today and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Played until I could barely make a save anymore, and that's exactly what I needed. I am, if this makes any sense, refreshingly exhausted. I also have the day off today, and aside from some major cleaning I have to do in preparation for a guest tomorrow, it's going to be a pretty low-key day.

Until tonight, that is, when I hit the bar and then the Garden for the Rangers' home opener. SWEET.

Good Riddance

I really can't think of anything to say that won't sound like sour grapes, so here's the result in a nutshell:

- We lost 4-2

- We had yet again the most incompetent and biased ref who's ever stepped on the ice, but I'm not blaming the game on that. Still it added to the frustration level.

- #48 broke his finger blocking a shot on his 2nd shift. Though he came back to the bench I know it killed him not to be able to play, and we definitely could have used him.

- I got run. Repeatedly. Dickhead Ref, upon checking on me to see if I was ok after I was run partway through the 3rd period, said "I'm going to be watching for that. They're really running you." You don't say! What took you so long, asshole? (Note: no goalie interference calls before or after that).

- One small note of personal success: I stuffed their best shooter on a penalty shot. Kind of feels like an empty victory but it's a personal one nonetheless.

- I am glad to be done with this league, for a litany of reasons I won't go into because, again, it'll sound like sour grapes. Looking ahead now to the challenge of the much faster league.

It's just not pretty, no matter how you slice it.

Well I'm writing this post because I feel I have to. Even though it will really really hurt to actually type out the score of our last game. The team we played against was faster and better... oh wait. Not the whole team. Just the three guys that should be (one of whom actually is) playing C level hockey, but they were on the ice for most of the game anyway. We went down 4-0 in the first period. But we put up a good fight and came back within 2... and after that we pretty much traded goals. At one point we were within one, but a goal that shouldn't have counted ended up on the scoreboard because the ref was busy trying to get a date with the scorekeeper. (I shit you not. Nowhere in my zone was there an official. He was at the scorer's table bullshitting. And a shot came in and I just stopped it and it was under my pad, yes on the line but under my pad and not OVER the line, but the other team carried on and celebrated even though I argued, and the ref eventually made his way over, asked me what the deal was, and I told him it was under my pad, not in. He took the puck and skated to center ice with it. Hey assmunch. Why ask me then?) That was the 7th goal. Yeah, I said 7th. We kept up the back-and-forth into the third period when it was 9-8 at one point... and then they just blew it open. Final score? 12-8. Goalies everywhere are cringing.

I got beat on some shots that I didn't have a chance on, the way those super fast guys blew past the D (no fault to the D- these guys had no business being in this league). But I got beat on a lot of shots I should have, and if I'd been playing open hockey regularly like I used to, would have had my timing right to stop. I committed way to early on several shots and for some reason it took me well into the 2nd period to realize I wasn't waiting them out, which I think I am normally really good at. I really, really have to get back to open hockey. I'm not sure if I can with the situation at work, but we'll see. Because my timing's all messed up.

The post-game party soothed the hurt of a double-digit goals against game though. The whole team, plus some extras and #48's wife ("Wills" in the comments - who is also a good friend of mine and bane of referees' existence) stood around in the parking lot drinking for a while. A few of the "others" headed over to a local bar, and #48, his wife, and #28 and I went over to meet up with them. I was still sulking when I got there but some good natured ribbing about looking like Charlie Brown and some more beer snapped me out of it. Much fun was had, with Wills and I attempting to play pool and losing horribly (though I think our opponents didn't really care that much because they got to watch us bend over), and later all of us loudly singing along with "Piano Man". Well. Almost all of us. #48 tried to pretend he didn't know us. Wise move on his part, really.

The night was capped off at a diner for breakfast and Goalie Husband and I didn't fall into bed until 3:30. All in all it was a good way to erase a really horrendous experience but that double-digit number still stings.

Tomorrow though, it's all in the past. We have our last game in the instructional league - our THIRD crack at the championship. And I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure we win that case of crappy beer. The "hole" thing.

Here we go again

I certainly hope the cold I've had all week is not a harbinger of the carousel of illness I was on last year. This year I'm a little better armed though; the cocktail of allergy pills, vitamin C supplements and regular vitamins I started taking last spring seemed to work really well, so I'll start that up again and hope to fend off at least some of the germs this fall/winter.

It's because of the coating of snot on my brain that this post is late, and that I had a really crappy game on Monday. Thankfully, it wasn't the championship game for the instructional league- that's this coming Monday. This past Monday was only my birthday, and a game against what is probably the best team in the new league we're in. The game was marked by us finally having our matching jerseys... and a spectactularly bad performance by yours truly. Yes, I did make some good saves, and yes, there was a bad bounce. But the fact of the matter is, the play was in the other end a lot of the time and yet we ended up with 8 goals against. Sorry, not acceptable. (Final score: 8-4) I was definitely not at the top of my game and I hope to redeem myself this weekend when we play the team that's shaping up to be our rivals... if only because we know some of the guys on that team and see them frequently, so the trash talk has been going for weeks. I'm looking forward to the party in the parking lot afterwards almost as much as the game itself. We do things real high-class around here you know.

A little levity

This email was forwarded to me recently, and I figured this would be a good place to post it. Enjoy...

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of managers across America who will spend the long weekend making personnel decisions in time for the September dawn of a new season. Granted, the majority of these managers are in charge of teams with names like "Old Puckers", "Rusty Blades", "Just the Tips" and "Nine-Inch Males," but don't be fooled; beer-league hockey squads can be downright tricky to put together. As with any successful organization, you need the right mix, and that means drafting from the following beer-league player categories:

Which one are you???

The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening face-off. Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is let him play for free. It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the "DD" Division title.

The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an increasingly sedentary existence and late night partying catches up to him by Christmas. 15 to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.

The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him...even though his gloves reach up to his armpits, and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy - a hook here and a chop there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore -- now there was a hockeyplayer! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."

The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time, dickhead.

The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to buy all brand new equipment, and take up hockey in your 40's. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on your stick, for Christ's sake. How does that knock you over? And now you're friggin offside! Not to mention the Beginner shows up at every game, no matter what time or what day. Sunday night playoff game at 11PM - no worries, Mr Beginner will be there.

The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. Most likely a cop or fireman. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. And, look to him to carry on his act in the bar after the game.

The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room. Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, and you had better maintain eye contact like your life depended on it....or come face to face with the swinging sausage.

The Guy with the New Girlfriend
An excellent way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to three games, tops, so his payment will contribute to everyone else's and it's not like you'll lose ice time by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the new wife...at which point he'll never miss another
game.

The Organizer
This guy is absolutely brutal but since nobody else could be bothered to do all the paperwork and collect the money he gets to play. Is frustrating to play with because they can barely skate let alone take a pass but nobody gets mad at him cuz he's a really nice guy. Is often heard in the dressing room saying 'Sorry guys, that one was my fault' and if he's lucky somebody will chip in something like 'No worries Donny, it's a team effort.' What everybody is really thinking is 'Hey Donny, my grandmother is a better player than you and yes you are right, that was your fault.' If you are lucky the Organizer is usually smart enough to take himself off the ice in critical situations.

The Minor Hockey Allstar
Looks promising at a glance as they fool you with reasonably good skills but after you get zero passes you'll get the picture. This guy topped out at 'AA' Midget and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Play is characterized by energetic rushes down the wing, (no passing), then into the corner (still no pass), behind the net (hey dickhead I've been open for the past 5 minutes),then into the next corner (everybody has gone back to the bench to watch) followed by a blind give away pass to the high slot / break out pass for the other team. Cut this guy.

The Johnny Try Hard
Great to have on your team but they suck to play against because they have somehow managed to keep themselves in ridiculously good shape. They were probably the star on their high school hockey team and won athlete of the year because they played hockey, volleyball and track all in the same year. Guaranteed they have a membership at the 'Running Room'. Play is characterized by constant hustle which if caught off guard can embarrass the more talented yet fatter player.

The Stanley Cup Champion
This player will raise their hands and cheer when they score. If this is an opposing player you must nip this behaviour in the bud by catching him off guard with a sickening open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles. If this player is on your team quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know that this is not how the rest of your team rolls. Remind him how much of a loser he is by retrieving the puck from the net the next time he scores and presenting it to him in front of the other team.

The Tough Guy
This guy maxed out at the house-league level, has never been in a fight and is characterized by antagonizing behaviour on the ice. In extreme cases he will 'cheap shot' another player. The fact that your beer league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. What this guy does not realize is that this will not prevent someone from knocking his teeth out if he cheap shots the wrong guy. There is a number of fun ways to handle this player which all end with him lying on the ice bleeding, looking for his teeth and crying.

The Wrong Guy
Not to be confused with 'The Complete Psycho'. This guy shows up, doesn't say much and pretty much flies under the radar screen. The kid that gave him the cheap shot him will eventually look his name up on Hockey DB after his facial surgery and realize he had 355 pims in the East Cost 3 years ago.

The Gary Roberts
Can be described as being way too intense. This guy is one of your better players but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play. At the best of times he will try to coach players on the fly and at the worst of times he will snap and call his entire team a bunch of house-leaguers. He believes the game should be played a certain way and despises 'pond hockey' style play with no back checking or positional
assignments. Most likely is suffering from a complex of 'unfinished business' from his previous hockey career and is looking to capture some shred of glory via the rec-league championship. This guy is probably better off playing with his own kind in a senior-A league.

CORPORATE GUY -
At first glance just a regular family guy, married with 3 kids, a cush corporate job and fancy car. Once he enters the locker room its Party time & latest tales of bangin' broads and the good times. PreGame beer and smoke, outrageous stories of hookers from last weekend in Vegas, to the point everyone is crying with laughter. This guy is Reg Dunlop (Slapshot) meets Chris Farley, raw-raw, kick their ass, run-up the score, the ref-beats-his-wife, non stop chatter on the bench. Has above average talent and knows it, but is more focused on making sure his teammates show up and enjoy themselves at the post game festivities at the Brass Pole Ballet, always carries an extra set of clothes in his trunk!


Ok... I've played with almost all of these guys. Thankfully I haven't run into Naked Guy yet- and all my team-mates can probably thank me for the fact that no one walks around the locker room displaying his wares. I obviously would classify myself as "The Beginner". It's definitely true that I show up at every game, no matter how late. "Tardy Goalie", my ass.

All's well that ends well?

I don't watch soap operas because I don't like "drama". I want to go out on the ice, play my game with my team, and concentrate on only that. Last night our instructional league team played in the semi-final against one of the two teams that's become a rival of sorts. There was a bit of drama surrounding the game because this is the team that has a lot of women on it, and our team contains a player who was originally put on their team, but caused such an obnoxious ruckus that he was moved to... you guessed it.... our team. I found it very ironic that he had a huge problem with playing with women and asked to be moved- and was moved to a team with not only a female goalie, but that female goalie is an integral part of the core of the team. I've since become acquainted with the rink staff member who put him on our team, and yes, she did that on purpose.

That's fine and makes for a great story. Except for the fact that she was the one who took the call and had to listen to the verbal spewage from this guy, so she had a bone to pick with him. She waited all season and decided that our playoff game would be the perfect time to dress and play on the "womens" team so she could teach him a lesson. I didn't feel it was fair to use our playoff game as a place to settle personal vendettas, but being the "fly under the radar" kind of person I am, I didn't say anything about it- at least not to anyone official. I bitched about it with some of the team-mates, who also felt it was unfair. I even asked her point blank what we had ever done to her, and she said not to worry, she wasn't going to be a "force" she was just out for a little revenge on this one guy. Whatever. I'm not in high school anymore so I let it go.

And she was right- she wasn't a force. And the other team had a very short bench so I suppose the case could be made that an extra player wasn't tipping the balance all that much. But just the fact that it went on at all irked me.

Bottom line though? We won. We played through a ridiculous third period with something like 9 straight minutes of short handed time due to a ref who called every slight and imagined infraction of ours against "the ladies", while letting similar fouls go on their end. We battled through the bullshit and came out on the other side with a win, and that's all that counts.

We're going to the championship game next week, against our other rivals, the team who beat us in OT last time. This season's incarnation of that team has slightly less ringers on it, but it's no less of a challenge. And it's one I'm up for. I'm out for revenge. I want to sit in the locker room next week with a bunch of happy team-mates and a can of shitty beer in my hand.

Bring it on.

I'm a rabid animal, and I need to be controlled

My 5'7", 16-year-old-boy-sized frame can be intimidating, I know. Especially to curmudgeonly 90-something-year-old refs who look like skating cadavers. It must be the vibrant life force that frightens them so. Even hardened ex-pros quake when I hit the ice. My foul language precedes me and they cower in terror.

Sarcasm aside, apparently I was a menace on the ice last night. I'd like to think it was because of my game (which, I must say, I think was pretty darn good... up until the end there. Again. Gotta work on that), but alas it was because of my mouth. Apparently hockey players don't swear. Yes I know, this is news to me too. Now, I'll admit I was in rare form last night, and for some reason let this ref really piss me off, to the point that after an 8-3 playoff win I was grouchy and full of the energy of unvented anger. I'll chalk it up to hormones and leave it at that. However, I still think this ref is an asshat.

The terrifying incident? After a goal that I still maintain should not have counted due to a crease violation/goalie interference, I looked up at the ref and said "how the f*** is that a goal?! He had his f***ing legs in between mine!" Ok. I'll admit. Not one of my smarter moves. At least I was just swearing in general and not swearing at him. That would have been rude. The ref looked at me and said "Ohhhh, goalie... you don't want a penalty do you?" Sensing acquiescence would be the smarter move here, I skated away, off to the corner boards to cool off. Only, when I turned around and skated back to my net, Dr Death was still standing there, waiting for me, and proceeded to lecture me. "That was incidental contact. It's the language I won't stand for." I think I deserve a medal (or a cookie, at least) for not rolling my eyes at him. He then skated over to the bench and told the coach for the night to "control your goalie". Oooh baby, look out. Potty-mouthed 'tender on the loose! Lock up your impressionable youngsters!

I don't care that he warned me. I don't even care that he lectured me. What really pissed me off was that I obviously conceded to him by skating away, and yet he stood there and waited for me to come back so he could have another 2 cents. Dipshit. Try not f***ing up an icing call, concentrate on that eh?

Oops. There I go again.

Votes of confidence

My lack of confidence in myself and my worry about what other people are thinking about me (read: narcissism) surfaced again this week when I filled in for a rival team in the instructional league. I got the call in the evening, and when I discovered who the team was that I'd be playing for, I got nervous. It was none other than the very same team who beat us in OT for the championship last season. More recently, this team beat us this season by a score of 6-4. So naturally, I figured as soon as they heard who their goalie would be, they'd all be thinking "Oh great. We've got her?!" I tried to tell myself that most of them wouldn't even know who I was, and the others probably couldn't tell you what the score was in the last game they played against me. Only goalies keep track of that stuff. (Well... goalies, and stat-mongers.)

And of course, I needn't have worried. Two of the guys on the team work at the rink and know me from our games and because I am there all the time. I got positive reactions from each of them when they saw me amble over to the rink from the "womens locker room". One said "Oh you're playing for us tonight? Cool, we finally got a good goalie." That, and chatting with some of the other players, put me in a much less nervous frame of mind. I went out and played a great game (for all but the last 2 minutes, when due to our 8 goal lead, all of us kind of lost focus), and the team was happy with me.

But really.... why did my first sub experience have to be for them?! Figures!

Movin' on up

The training wheels have come off the bike, ladies and gentlemen, and the ride was much smoother than I thought it would be. Things have a way of working out like that don't they?

The newly-formed Hawks took to the ice in our first D level game recently, and though I was expecting to be the whipping-boy of the league, it actually turned out that we played extremely well. So well, in fact, that we won 4-1. It was great playing with old team-mates again, and it was a lot of fun to play in a much faster paced game. But what really stood out to me was the amount of teamwork on the ice. For whatever reason, whether it's skill and experience, or just the personalities of the people on the instructional league team, we don't work as a team as much as we used to. This was different though. I saw people set each other up in the other end, passing back to the points (hallelujah!) and just in general being aware of who was open and getting the puck to them. And in my end, the defense was fantastic. Several times they just picked the puck off an opponent's stick, totally nullifying their chance at a shot. There were also a few instances when they completely saved my ass by swatting a loose puck (which I had yet to locate) out of the crease and up the boards to safety.

I personally also had a very good game. I didn't count the shots; I can't do that because it messes with my head. I don't want to be thinking about my save percentage during a game, I want to be in the zone. I think there were roughly 25 shots, give or take a few. And the one that beat me was a deflection off something... a skate or a knee, I didn't see clearly, but I definitely did see the puck suddenly change direction and angle. Other than giving up a few too many rebounds I was pretty happy with my game. Ok, I was really happy with it.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the season; I know we won't win every game, and I'm sure we'll get blown out in some. But now at least I know we can more than keep up with them. Bring on the next one.

I'll take the win

Our team won last night, but other than that the game wasn't much to write home about. I was doing my best impression of a big juicy rebound factory, and it cost us two goals. But, we managed to score 4, and that's what put the W on the board for us. I have to hand it to the other team; they only had two subs, compared to our full bench. They fought hard right up until the 4th goal, which seemed to take the wind out of their sails.

I don't know if it was me, or the fact that one of the refs was new, but it seemed like the icing calls were all kinds of screwed up. That threw me off a little. I also was doing a very poor job of getting the puck along the boards, which resulted in me not attempting it anymore. I hate that I make my D work so hard but I just can't get past this mental block. And that's what it is; I'm so afraid I'm going to screw up (as I have, horrifically, in the past) that it keeps me frozen in my crease. Just one more thing to work on, I guess. That's what open hockey is for...

...and I belch, too

I had a kick-ass game at open hockey today. I mean, I was in the zone. I was so in the zone that The Goaliebrain talked to me. It's been a while since I've heard from her. (Him? It? Does it matter?) See, I do my best to keep my regular brain busy/sedated while I play. If it wakes up it starts causing trouble. Either it over-analyzes what's going on, starts in with the negative self-talk, or just wanders off to places that have nothing whatsoever to do with the game and are just distracting. Like how you'd spell "Gretzky" in Cyrillic. I shit you not, that's what I was thinking about for a few minutes today when I was distracted. (In case you're curious, it would be: грэцки)

I use music/repetitive lyrics to lull my regular brain into sedation. It's during these times that The Goaliebrain talks to me. Most of the time she tells the muscles what to do without me hearing her. But today she was like a little drill sergeant in my head. I love it when that happens. It means I know what I'm doing. I had an opposing player a few feet in front of me (out of poke check range, but pretty close) all alone with the puck. I don't remember the exact play that lead up to that but I think he got it from a pass, because I just got into position in front of him as he received the puck. Goaliebrain barked at me "Blocking butterfly! There's no time!" Boom. Down I went into a nice tight butterfly and the shot bounced harmlessly off me and I smothered it. It's different than thinking. I didn't think "Ok, I don't have enough time to read the shot off the stick and he's real close in, so a blocking butterfly would be best here". Its like it came from somewhere else, but still inside me- instant knowledge.

So, I was really rolling. (There was a brief period where I did my best impression of a sieve and no its wasn't when I was spelling Gretzky's name in my head). Apparently I impressed one particular defenseman. He was quite the chatterbox. At one point one of his buddies on the opposing team semi-whiffed a shot and I stopped it easily. He said to me, loud enough for his buddy to hear "Tell him that the girls in your women's league have better shots than that." To which I responded, with mock (mostly) testiness; "I don't play on the women's league."

After that we had a few other short and friendly exchanges. It was after I gave esteemed reader and commenter "#48" a few good shoves from behind for being in my crease, that this guy came over, cleared him out, and then turned to me and told me I was a hockey player's dream woman, being out there and hustling like that.

D-man: Do you drink beer too?

Me: Hell yeah.

D-man: Damn. If I get divorced will you marry me?

Me: I'm already married.

D-man: Ok. If we both get divorced will you marry me?

I figure, sure.... if he can put up with The Goaliebrain.

Delayed review

Hanging out after a late game drinking beer is fun, but it sure does tax one's system. Two such nights in a row tired me out and though I probably would have been fine playing open hockey today, I decided to pass (mostly due to other factors). The second game of our back-to-back schedule gave us another much-needed win, and put us tied for 3rd place. (I think....) I've personally played better games; I did play well overall but two brain farts and one bad angle cost us 3 goals. The final score was 4-3. The new pads are still awesome, but I think I did the straps a little differently, because they felt a little looser that night. One of the goals was a result of the puck getting caught in my feet, and as I fumbled around to find it, I kicked it in. Argh. I'll blame that one (and the first one; a lousy 5-hole) on the new pads. Convenient scapegoat.

And speaking of 5-holes... here's an article that discusses the changes the NHL is making to goaltending equipment over the next two seasons, and why goalies with narrow butterflies will be affected this season while their counterparts with wider butterflies won't have to adjust until next season.

Addendum

In my sleep-deprived state last night (not that I'm in much better shape now), I forgot to mention something I was extremely happy about, besides the shutout itself. I noticed, just as I did in my last clinic, that my rebound control was really good. My coach would be so proud. Just about every puck went off into the corner off my stick, instead of bouncing off my pad right back out into the slot. This is was something we worked on A LOT; getting that first shot to go off into the corner. And in the one instance where I didnt' turn far enough (the breakaway) and got a pad on it instead of a stick, it didn't bounce very far out at all. I'm not sure how much of that is the speed of the shot and how much is the different foam in the new pads. Time will tell. But I do know that some pads are manufactured to give really long rebounds (the thought being that the farther away it goes the better) and some are manufactured to be really dead, and give a very close rebound (so you can pounce on it and smother it). I don't think my old ones were either: I think they were more of the "get the cheapest stuff in there that you can" variety.

Awww, I feel bad. They served me very very well. They're too beat up to try to sell, so I guess they'll just sit in my basement until my niece is big enough to wear them.

Oh and while I'm feeling bad, let me just apologize to that defenceman who I was ready to strangle last week, because I owe that goose-egg on the board in part to him. During a goal-mouth scramble, when I lost sight of the puck but heard the ref yelling "LOOSE! LOOSE!", and finally saw it just as it squirted out of my reach into plain open blue ice, said D-man was half a second quicker than the opponent who saw it at the same time and batted it out of the zone. There was no way I could have stopped that puck if the other guy got to it first. So thanks, D-Dude.

But that doesn't mean I still won't whack the back of your legs if you don't stop screening me.

I should be sleeping

Yeah, it's 1:37 a.m. And yeah, we have another game tomorrow, the second of our back-to-back games in this strangely scheduled season of the instructional league. So you'd think I'd be tucked into bed, snoring away.

Except I can't go to bed just yet.

No, I'm not up stewing over a loss. I'm walking on air because in my debut game with the new pads, I kicked that downward spiral in the face. I got my first shutout!!! My team made it pretty easy- most of the play was in the other end. But there were periods where the puck was in our zone for quite a bit. I'm not sure how many shots I had. Maybe 20? It wasn't a lot. But I'm proudest of two saves; one on a breakaway where I got a toe on it and then smothered the rebound, and the other was a glove save off a shot from about the top of the right circle.

What a way to break in the new pads eh.

It's go time

Oh yeah, I'm ready. I wore the new pads for the third time today and felt a lot more settled and comfortable with them. While the skaters were doing skater drills this morning, I spent some time working on moving around in the crease, and some butterfly slides as well. All systems are go.The biggest indicator to me that I'm getting used to them is that I wasn't thinking about them. I was doing my usual thing facing shots. (And I must add, I put just about every shot into the corner... awesome rebound control today, hopefully it'll stick!) I'm surprised it happened so quickly- the first time I wore them I thought it would take forever. They still don't have enough puck marks for my taste, but that will change quickly I'm sure.

These pads rule. They're just so awesome. Oh and did I mention they're the same ones Kari Lehtonen has? *swoon* (As an aside: he better bring it this season or he's gonna find a permanent place in the doghouse down there).

Making headway

I tested the new gear out in open hockey today. My timing's still a little off and I'm still a little clumsy but it's getting better. While at the rink I ran into my coach, and he seemed to approve of the upgrade. He gave me a few pointers for getting used to them, which was cool. I mean... other than just get out there as much as you can with them. That part is obvious.

The one thing I'm wondering about now is, the more comfortable I get with these, won't it throw me off to switch back to the old ones for games that count? I'm not sure what to do about that. I'm tempted to use them this week in the league but I'm not sure yet. I have one more outing (a clinic) before my game, so that will help me decide. Right now though, I'd just like a nice nap.

Breaking the downward spiral

I won't rehash our last game (much), other than to say we lost 9-4. It was pretty bad. The other team was much better than we were in terms of the little things that make the difference. Scoreboard notwithstanding, I'm a lot happier with my game than I have been in recent weeks. On the whole, anyway. I made one colossally stupid move, the likes of which I haven't made in about 9 months, and put the puck in our own net. Big mistake, but at least its something I know I don't do on a regular basis and recognize the error I made in judgement that lead to it. Two other goals were due to poor positioning, and one would have been prevented if my leg was just two inches longer, dammit. Immediately after the game I wasn't even that upset; I didn't feel like the loss was solely on my shoulders because I recognized that the other team was much better.

It was upon waking the next day, however, that the doom and gloom set in. Looking back at my last 4 or so games (plus open hockey outings), I began to question my coach's sanity in his assurances that I needed to move out of the instructional league. How could I possibly be ready to move up when I'm playing like this? The recent game drove that point home even more; while I felt out of sync in all the other games, in this one, I felt like I had my grove back. I was moving much better, seeing things more clearly, etc. But look at the result.

I was mentioning this to a friend who, until recently, played at a pro level and who also has trained with my coach. I generally don't spew my post-game mental garbage on him; I'll mention the result of a game and how I felt I did but that's about it. So I was surprised when he said "you're in a downward spiral. It's all mental." I hadn't realized it, but he's right. And I guess a more experienced goalie-brain doesn't need much info to pick up on that. So we talked for a bit about how to snap out of it, and I told him that I thought I'd actually already begun that process. Hopefully I'm right. It's just interesting how there can be all this stuff you know, and yet sometimes it takes someone else to point it out for you to go "Ohhh! Duh!" and smack your forehead.

He also gave me tons of advice on breaking in the new pads, as well as how to deal with one particular defenseman who doesn't understand that "SCREEN!" means "you're in my way. move. NOW." (Honestly I'm not sure how this guy doesn't get it. He's been told over and over that when I yell "screen" he has to get his ass out of my way. It just doesn't sink in.) My "mentor's" solution? Violence. A hard shove or a good chop with the stick. I just don't have it in me to do that. That's the difference between me and this crazy sonofabitch. I'm not going to go around hacking at my own defensemen. An opponent? Hell yeah. But my own guy? Maybe I'm a softie because I'm a chick, because that's not the first time I've heard a goalie recommend something like that, but I just don't see the point at our level.

Though give it a few more weeks and a few more goals because I can't see anything but his ass and his number, and that might just change...

Starting over again

I knew breaking in the new pads would take time and effort, but what I didn't count on was feeling like I had to learn everything all over again. Yes, the pads are stiff. But that's not the biggest problem. Its the fact that they are so incredibly different from my old ones in several important ways. Needless to say, even though I have a game tomorrow night, I will not be using them there. I have several more clinics and open hockey sessions to go before I'm comfortable using them in a game that counts.

I should have realized what I was in for when I ambled into the rink, and when I passed by Coach Johnson he asked "new pads?" and responded to my affirmation with "good luck". I stepped onto the ice and was greeted by Coach Mark (who runs the clinics, and is an excellent coach), who asked the same question. When I said yes, he asked if this was my first time using them, and when I nodded my masked head he quipped "have fun". Oh boy.

My biggest problems, aside from feeling like my legs were encased in concrete, lie in three areas;

1. The height of the pads. Yeah... I was wondering what that whole "plus 1 sizing" system is that Vaughn advertises, and I found it out. The new pads are the same size from ankle to knee as my old ones, but they have significantly more height at the top. This causes the tops to crash together as I drop into my butterfly, which slows me down. Not to mention its pretty awkward [insert awkward turtle here].

2. The thickness of the knee stacks. For non-goalie-geeks: knee stacks are the square-ish pieces of padding that are strapped to the area of the pad you land on when you drop into your butterfly. Also referred to sometimes as "landing gear". There's a reason for this; it's the only thing separating your knee from a very hard sheet of ice. Knees take a beating in goaltending just by nature of the butterfly/hybrid style, but they take even more of a beating when there's only about a half inch of foam between them and the ice they're repeatedly being slammed into. That half inch of foam (on my old pads) became indented from my knee, so the foam was actually crushed down to about a quarter inch thickness. On my new pads... I have FOUR knee stacks. I haven't measured it but it's got to be a good 5 inches of foam, all velcroed together, between my knee and the ice. Sweet. Well, "sweet" once I get used to them. Right now they make me extremely clumsy because I have to stand/crouch/skate ... basically everything... with my legs farther apart than I'm used to. Between this and the height on the pads, my stance has to change. Getting used to a new stance is going to take a lot of patience and time. Imagine a batter having to stand a new way in order to hit a ball. Yeah. Fun.

3. Leather inside edges as opposed to fabric. Again "Sweet". Once I get used to them anyway. The reason I was having so much trouble doing butterfly slides and moving laterally while down on the ice was because my pads were actually sticking to the ice, due to the fabric stuff that was on the edge making contact with the ice. It wasn't just weak legs, as I thought. Today in clinic I was sliding all over the place- farther than I intended. I have to get that under control and work on integrating lateral slides into my arsenal of save tactics. But once I do.... man is that ever going to be awesome.

So... all good stuff. But stuff that's going to take a lot of adjusting. And hopefully during that period of adjustments I'll stop a decent amount of pucks and get some scuff marks on those puppies, because as much as mostly-white pads are "hockey camouflage", no goalie wants to take to the ice in a game without so much as a mark on his or her pads.

Bend, Fold and Manipulate

Well they fit. But daaaaaaaaamn are they stiff. I have my work cut out for me breaking these puppies in. I can now see why Arturs Irbe allegedly had his bus driver drive over his new pads to break them in for the Olympics. Or why people might think you need to take a baseball bat to them. Relax, I'm not dumb enough to do anything like that. I do think, though, that I'll be bumbling around the house in them for most of the day tomorrow. Or scrunching them up and sitting on them like chairs while watching tv or surfing the web. One recommended method of breaking them in is to scrunch them up and tie a belt around them to keep them in position. Not gonna happen, not with the belts in this house.

But while I am relieved to know that they do in fact fit, I'm a little nervous about wearing them for the first time. The knee stacks are so much thicker that it changes the way I stand a little bit. And the added height at the top (the "+1" in the 32 + 1 sizing I guess) will allow me a much lower stance, and holy cow... now I know why they want to get rid of that height in the NHL. Super-sealed 5-hole! Sweet. (Well... probably thats the case on everyone but me). It's going to take some work getting used to that extra height; preliminary experiments on butterfly drops had me dropping with my knees too close together, and the tops of the pads overlapped. Not a horrible thing, but it results in double coverage, which means a hole is bigger somewhere else (in this case... at the foot).

Ah but I hear your brain waves lapsing into theta.... so I'll stop rambling about knee stacks and such. Simply put- they're going to take quite a bit of getting used to, and I'm nervous about that. But I can't wait to try them out in a practice. Yay Awesome Pads!

Oh man...

Holy cow, that was fast. My pads just arrived!!! I'm sitting here in my office, with this giant box taunting me. There are pads inside, really amazing unbelievably good quality pads that want me to take them out and play with them. Beat on them a little to break them in, fiddle with the straps, examine them from top to bottom. But alas, I have a conference call coming up, so I'm stuck here. Even though it's Friday and on any other Friday I could blow work off for the afternoon (no bosses here heh heh heh), but not today.

So I sit here and stew. Because it's very hard to tell without trying them on with skates and pants on, but I think they might be a little too big. I'm not sure. I think the first break (down by the ankle) needs to be broken in a bit more so it sits lower on my leg... that might be the problem. I'm screwed if that's the case though, because 32 is the smallest adult size. And I'm currently wearing 32 in my other pads. Arghhhh the suspense.

But wow.... its insane how different they are from the low end ones I have. Little things that if I started describing them would put you all into a coma, but just take my word for it, WOW. My knees are already thanking me.

You know you're in bad shape when....

...your husband calls from the rink because he stopped by for something else, and tells you there's a "million" goalies out on the ice, all running through different drills, and you can hear the coaches yelling "GO!" and you get a feeling like a jealous little monster stamping its foot and you think "god DAMN I wish I was out there!" Even though he tells you one group of goalies is running through the dreaded "iron cross" drill... and ten minutes later he says "hey they're starting to look tired". So you know this workshop/camp/whatever is serious business and you'd get your ass kicked to hell and back but still you wish you could be out there, learning, learning, learning... burning the skill into your muscle memory with countless reps. Dammit.

Gal With Awesome Pads

My pads are low quality, beat to hell, and broken down in places that are starting to be dangerous to be broken down in (see the ever-present bruise on the inside of my left knee). And so, although I haven't had a chance to try them on in person, I ordered a set of Awesome Pads today. I contacted the site to find out if there is any difference in size between manufacturers, and told them what I'm wearing now, and they said these should fit just fine.

I do feel a pang of guilt though, because we have a bunch of medical bills to pay off. But Goalie Husband told me a few months ago that he wanted me to get these, and he says he wants me to have them for when I move up to the new league. He said these are bday and Christmas combined, and that's it for a while. Fine with me- everything else I have is new and in good shape. It'll take a while for them to come in, but I'll be patient.

Yeah right. Who am I kidding?!

Long way to go for a victory- but worth it!

Remember last summer, when I posted this? One year later and even more firmly entrenched in the determination to play, I jumped at the chance when Goalie Husband offered to drive back from our vacation solely so I could play in our league game this week, only to turn around the next day and drive back to the cabin on the sea where we're spending our week with family. Ultimate kudos to Goalie Husband for this, as he's been on extremely long term IR while his ACL reconstruction heals, and I know it is difficult for him to watch games and wish he was out there defending the team's net along with me. But, since he offered... I could hardly refuse.



So, yesterday we left the sand and surf behind and many hours later were at the opposite end of the spectrum, a frozen sheet of ice in front of us instead of an endless ocean of rolling waves. I am forever greatful. Part of the reason I wanted so badly to play was a little personal competition I have with the goalie on the other team- completely friendly, but a competition nonetheless.



To be perfectly frank, I wasn't sure after the first two games if our team would ever gel. I just got (and still slightly do get) a sense of something being somewhat "off" in terms of all the personalities meshing. But maybe it's just me. I was pleasantly surprised though when we played a much more cohesive game than our last two have been, and I include myself in that. I actually came out of the net to get a puck on a power play and *gasp* passed it to my team-mate who was coming back, hopefully helping out the team by saving him a few seconds from having to chase it down behind the goal line.



Other than that, I had a decent game. The first goal was a groaner, as I went across for a pass, got stuck on the outside edge of my skate and stumbled as I tried to come back across and fell on my butt. I wasn't happy with the second goal either, but the third was absolutely impossible to stop, considering it was even more impossible to see. The fourth was completely bogus- pinging off the corner of the crossbar and post and coming back out without crossing the goal line, but since there's no video review in instructional leagues, no amount of arguing from our side was going to change the refs' minds. Fortunately we went ahead on an ensuing power play and managed to stave off a sustained attack in the final minutes when the other team pulled their goalie. I think I had more work in those last 3 minutes than in the whole third period, but it was exhilerating. And that's not to fault the team- the opponents came on very strong and with an extra attacker came close several times.



Relaxing afterwards with a few friends and a few brews was a good way to end the night (or, technically, start the day, given the time) but it was a tad subdued since the opposing goalie was one of the gang, and was in no mood to celebrate being beaten, having had a rough game to boot. As he said though, I'm sure our paths will cross again this season... in the playoffs. And I say bring it on.

What a mess

Game two was only better than game one on the scoreboard. In fact, on the ice, it was worse. And in my head... I don't know what happened. Well, maybe I do. I'm not sure why but I had a case of nerves before the game. Add to that a little bit of drama (that doesn't involve anyone reading this blog so don't worry about it) and you don't have a very focused goalie. The final score was 4-3 (our win), but all three of those goals were ridiculous. The first one I overestimated the speed of the shot and my timing was way off. The second one was a save, and then a puck bouncing around in the crease, which I had a clear look at and plenty of time to cover, but I fumbled and it was over the line before I got to it. The third was a penalty shot I should have stopped in my goddamn sleep.

I just never got into the rhythm of the game. And the whole team was off. Thankfully the team we played against was even worse, with the exception of a ringer or two. And their goalie, who was a sub. I've been out of sorts all week, really. I have a vacation coming up, hopefully that will help. But all I can see is 7 straight days with no hockey and that's not really helping.

Living every hockey fan's dream

This weekend my team-mates (and some former team-mates) rented ice to have the first of what will hopefully be many "alumni games". I guess that name isn't all that accurate, considering the fact that only a handful of them were former team-mates who have moved up and on to better leagues, but that's what we've been calling it. Major props to the guy who put it all together- it was an absolute blast.

It was, however, the afterparty that will live on in my and GoalieHusband's memories for quite some time. (Hmmm... with hockey, isn't that always the case?) Naturally, after expending all that energy, one must replace it with quality beverages, preferably those made from hops and grains. This was certainly not the first time GH and I have sat around drinking after a game, and it wasn't even the first time we outlasted everyone else on the team and ended up being the only ones hanging out with the rink manager. But it was the first time that said manager (let's call him "Bob") proposed heading to a nearby bar when the suds ran out, and as we weren't ready to call it a night yet, we thought that sounded like a damn good idea. So off we went.

Several beers and not a few shots later, somehow the subject came up. I couldn't tell ya who brought it up, or in what context it was raised, but GH and I were rambling about how neat it would be to drive the zamboni. Bob took his keys out of his pocket and dangled them temptingly in front of us, a shit-eating grin on his face. Not long after, it was last call and we were finishing up our beer and heading back to the rink. I felt like a kid in a candy store when Bob opened the giant door to the bay in the back where the infamous machines are kept. GH and I walked all around them, peering in at the gagues and the augurs (sp?) and blades. We got a very quick lesson on how all the equipment worked, and then Bob fired one up and took it out on the ice. He showed us which levers NOT to pull (he was just letting us drive it... not actually letting us completely destroy the ice with our tipsy giddiness and lack of familiarity with the mechanisms), and then hopped down. I climbed up first. It was dark in the rink, but the headlights on the zamboni clearly illuminated the surface and - most importantly - the boards. And I'm proud to say I managed to steer very clear of the boards as I maneuvered the vehicle around the ice, in my absolute glory the entire time. GoalieHusband did the same. In fact he even had the balls to drive it backwards for a bit.

That has to be the coolest experience I've ever had at the rink. We also got to peek in at the engine room, which houses the unreal amount of machinery that keeps the rinks cool. We sat outside and talked until the sun came up. Bob is "good people".

Good times. Hockey rules.

Not the best showing

Another season is underway, and our first outing ended in a very disappointing tie. As seems to be usual for our first games, it was a little off. For the most part we have the same group returning, but we have a few new people (two of whom were there), and a few other regulars who were out. Of the two new guys, one distinguished himself right away as the Opinionated Loudmouth. I’m sure it’s got to be a little awkward coming into a locker room full of people who all know each other and have played together for a while, but as one of my team-mates later described him, he was like a bull in a china shop. Fortunately I didn’t have to deal all that much with him, since he’s a forward.

But what I did have to deal with was the other team. Our rivals for a few seasons running now. This is the team with a significant amount of females on it, who play chippy and dirty and for the most part get away with it. Fortunately last night the refs were actually calling their infractions. Still, there were several elbows and hooks and checks that I saw go unnoticed by the zebras. At least they weren’t running me.

I’m not satisfied with my game, because the second goal, though it was a tough one, I feel I should have had. Actually, it shouldn’t have happened in the first place- a rebound went right off my pad to the waiting stick of a wide open player on the other side of the crease. Yes, the player was open and shouldn’t have been. But I managed to come across and stop a college guy on a similar play (it was a pass, not a rebound, but same result) the other night, so I certainly should have had enough time to get in front of that one. I felt like I just stood there and watched it go past me. Bad goalie.

So all in all, it wasn’t the greatest first game experience. It could have been worse- we could have lost. They could have run me. They could have really poured on the dramatics to try to draw penalties. We could have ended up with ugly jerseys. I begged the front desk chick to give us some decent jerseys this season and she did, hallelujah.

Here’s to next week when hopefully some of the rust will be off our game.

So Jealouse...

Remember back in May, when I played open hockey and ended up in the middle of a college game? And that goalie who I called Kid With Awesome Pads was there? Well, the college contingent was out in full force again today, including said Kid. Actually, today it wasn't as intense as that other time. I'd say it was about a 60/40 mix of college kids to random adults.

Anyway.... Kid With Awesome Pads was there again, and I found myself in awe of his skill again. When I go to pro games I love to park my butt behind the goalie during warm-up and just absorb as much as I can. I get that same feeling from watching this kid. Now, of course I'm not saying he's pro level. Obviously if he was he wouldn't be playing dopey open hockey. (Or maybe he would... who knows. I have no idea what school he goes to but I might have a way to find out). But he's also the only pure butterfly goalie I've seen at any of these open sessions, who is as good at it as he is. He's so crisp and it's obvious it's all muscle memory. With my lessons, and some of the reading I've been doing, I'm learning the subtle differences of butterfly goaltending vs a more hybrid style, which is becoming more prevalent these days. Of course, open hockey is a totally different animal, because you get guys of all ages and skill levels in there- some old-timers who learned their art 30 years ago, some people who (like me until recently) are self-taught, etc. So it's been rare in my experience to see someone so technically by-the-book, and so good at it, and make it look so effortless. It really honestly is a thing of beauty to watch. And then I get all cranky and jealous.

However, on the positive side, I made a save today that I don't think I would have made just two weeks ago. I'm working on tightening up my blocking butterfly, and today was the first time I made this particular kind of save while consciously thinking about it and not having it just be luck. Short description: Play was off to the top right corner of my crease. Puck got passed to wide open man on top left corner of the crease (a few feet back). I read the pass and managed to get over quick enough to go down and block it (and also managed to decipher in that split second that he was close enough that I could use this technique without worrying about him putting it over my shoulder), and I kept my elbows tucked and tight to my body and the puck bounced off my arm. Two weeks ago, that would have found a sloppy hole between my elbow and my torso and gone right through me. So, I'm really happy that I was a) able to read the situation so well, b) get there in time, and c) get there in time in the right position. I hope I can keep doing that, because I definitely felt something "click" in that situation.

And last but not least... Bench Chatter of the Day.

I was at the bench waiting for my turn to go back out on the ice, and when I do that I don't actually sit on the bench, but wait off to the side, leaning on the boards. I always feel like I'm in the way of players coming on and off the ice. A guy ended his shift and plopped down on the bench and said "Whew! Damn that hot sauce!"

Player next to him: What?

Hot Sauce: I shouldn't have had hot sauce on that sandwich. Wheeeew!

A few seconds go by....

Hot Sauce: Hey, goalie. There's room here on the bench you know.

Me: Oh that's ok, thanks but I always get in the way.

Hot Sauce: Aw come on, do I smell that bad?

Me (laughing): No... I just take up too much room.

Hot Sauce: You know, I heard that all this sweat and... what, pheromones? ... drives the ladies crazy.

Me (grinning): Why do you think I'd rather play with guys?

At that point a guy who had just flubbed a pass came off the ice.

Hot Sauce: You picked the right time to come off, man.

Flubber (out of breath): Fuck me...

Hot Sauce: Hey! Watch your language! There's a fuckin' lady over here!

Me: Hey I don't give a fuck.

Ahhh, the things I miss out on by not being on the bench. Though, I'd much rather miss stuff like that if I can also miss this...

Guy halfway down bench not looking so good: Hey goalie.... can you push that garbage can down here by me? Just in case I throw up...

Ugh. Dude. If you're that sick don't play. For chrissakes it's just open hockey. Yuck. Fortunately I got on the ice not long after that, but he didn't look so hot on the ice, either.

And by the way... that is not a typo in the subject line. If you don't get it, make sure your sound is on and click here.

Not funny, Phantom

There's a dude at the rink that most of us call "the Phantom", due to the fact that he's always there, night and day, and sort of sneaks around and just appears at the exact moment he's needed. He's a good guy, but he's a bit odd. Someone dubbed him the Phantom, musing aloud that he sleeps in the rafters over one of the ice surfaces. When I heard that, I had a very clear picture of him scrambling up the wall at night, to get to his perch. I'd never call him that to his face, because I really do like the guy, but it totally fits.

Well, I think I'll stop referring to him that way, because sometimes payback's a bitch. He must have been hanging out under one of the benches when I was telling a friend about him, and overheard me. See, after my lesson today, I went into an empty locker room to shower, and locked the dead bolt on the door behind me. I was on the side where the figure skaters were using the ice, and they never use the locker rooms, so I had my choice. I picked the farthest one away from the lobby, just in case some of them decided they needed a place to hang their sequins while they strutted around.

I showered, dressed, did the hair and makeup thing, and went to leave. Only.... I couldn't. I turned the deadbolt back, pulled on the handle, and nothing happened. Ok, I thought, maybe the deadbolt didn't go all the way back. I tried it again. And again. I could see it move away from the door jamb but still my efforts to open the door were unrewarded. Feeling like an idiot, I banged on the door a few times, even though I knew there was no one around to hear me. I thought to myself, surely I'm not trapped in here.... But I was. I spent the next ten minutes or so furiously banging on the door and yelling my head off. I even walked over to the vent on the other side of the room and yelled to see if anyone in the locker room for the other rink could hear me. Nothing.

I went back to making as big a ruckus as I could, figuring at some point someone had to come down that hall. And eventually they did. A maintenance guy stopped and tried to unlock it with his key, which did no good because it wasn't the deadbolt that was the problem. He told me to wait, and came back with ManlyDude from the front desk. I know ManlyDude from the league and from hanging around drinking after clinics, and he's always there when I go for my lessons. He called to me through the door and asked if the deadbolt was moving. I told him it was, but that the door still didn't open. "Okay," he said. "Move the deadbolt back and then get out of the way."

I did as instructed and waited. BLAM!!!!!!!! The door came flying open. I didn't want to admit it, but I was pretty freaked out. Still I laughed and thanked him. I guess next time I will bring my cell phone with me, so instead of hollering like a banshee for 10 straight minutes I can just call the front desk and let them know the Phantom locked me in... again.

Wake me up

My apologies to anyone who actually reads this for pulling a disappearing act over the last month or so. Factors combined that left me less than inspired to write about goaltending. But, here I am again, lucky you. Even luckier for you, during my period of radio silence (web silence?), our team made it to the championship game against the hated rival team with 4 ringers.... and lost in overtime. It was a bitter, bitter pill to swallow and it took me a few days to get over it, as I felt at the time that it was entirely my fault. But I won't rehash it here, and for any team mates who are about to drop an anvil on my head, yes, I now recognize that it wasn't ALL my fault. Just mostly.

Regardless, not much has changed in terms of the rhythm of league games, open hockey, and lessons, except that all have slowed down slightly. We have had a long break between spring and summer league, since we start the summer season this week with a bye. Open hockey has been sporadic due to rink issues and lessons have been even more so. However- I did attend a goalie skating clinic a few weeks ago that was the hardest thing I've ever done in terms of physical exertion. I was in a little bit over my head- one of the drills was beyond my physical capability, and another one was too advanced for me but I muddled my way through it, determined not to quit on it. All the other drills I could handle, I just did them slightly slower than everyone else. At the end they took pity on us and gave us some shots- breakaway practice. Sweet. My coach ran the clinic, so I hope to talk to him about the one drill that was just above my level, because it was something I've been wanting to work on anyway. That might give me a good starting point... something like "so I'm sure you saw how horrendous my butterfly slides were at that clinic.... can we work on that?".

I did play open hockey twice this holiday weekend though. On Friday, when I got on the ice I wasn't really in my zone, and it was a very fast, very aggressive game. The kind I thrive on. Unfortunately I didn't really have much of a good showing in my first 20-minute shift. I was starting to get a little down about it when suddenly I took a high speed slapper square in the middle of my mask. Guys on the ice later described the sound as "a puck hitting a canteloupe". Fortunately, it hit me right at the bottom of the grill, and while it stunned me momentarily, the impact was dispersed throughout the helmet. Players crowded around to make sure I was ok, which I was, and after a moment or two to get my bearings we started playing again.

And I ruled. That shot snapped me out of my vague fog and I just felt so on for the rest of the time. I stoned a few guys on breakaways. I even managed a poke check and I successfully went after and corralled a puck against the boards and fed it back to my defenseman. My focus was so sharp after that, and my adrenaline was pumping. I told a friend who was there that the team would have to wing a few at my head in warmups. He scolded me and said "You don't have to be Henrik all the time"... alluding to a story I'd told him a while back about Henrik Lundqvist and his twin brother Joel.

I wish I could remember where I read it, because I'd give the site or magazine due credit. But I remember reading an interview with Joel where he said he always thought his brother played better when he was angry. And Joel knew Henrik just hated to be hit in the mask with the puck... so in typical brother fashion, when warming up before games (back in Sweden when they were on the same team), Joel would purposely fire a puck at his head to get him riled up. Awww, brotherly love, hockey style.

Boys are gross

As is my custom, after open hockey today I found an empty locker room and locked myself inside so I could clean the streaks of salt off my body. The rink felt warmer than usual today. That, and playing the full session with no breaks left my gear drenched and my glasses fogged. (Can I blame my poor play on my foggy lenses?) I was anticipating the sense of relief one gets by a nice shower after a hard workout, but that was marred when as soon as I soaped myself up I noticed a very suspicious brown glob smeared on the shower wall at eye level.

I stopped at the desk on the way out and mentioned my discovery to the two female and one male standing around looking bored. They all looked thoroughly disgusted when I left the desk, as well they should. I can't even fathom, nor do I really want to, why something like that would be in a spot like that. It wasn't on the floor. It wasn't even at ass-level. Someone had to have had it on their hand in order for it to be where it was. *shudder*

Needless to say, I took another shower when I got home. It's hard to feel clean when you're showering with a shitstain.

I'm not the only one

Apparently, it's not just me who thinks the Vaughn 7500 / 7400's are Awesome Pads. Goalie Husband and I went to our local hockey shop recently to take a look at what they had in stock. Specifically, I was interested in seeing a pair of Bauer Supremes. Unfortunately they didn't have much in stock, and nothing in my size. Everything they had was pretty much kid size, and mostly Itech and RBK. When I first went to ice, I bought my mask and my pads at this store, so the woman there knows me. We chatted a bit about what I was looking for, and she saw me eyeballing a set of Vaughns (some other model, not the 7400s) and said "I think I know what you're looking for", and set down a book in front of me, opened to the page with the Awesome Pads. I laughed and told her those were actually the ones I'd had my eye on for a while, but there was no way I could afford them. She said the super expensive ones are the 7500s, the pro stock. But the 7400s are a step down from those and in the affordable range (affordable in terms of goalie pads anyway). We talked a bit more, and she looked to see if her rep had my size in stock (he does, just not the color I want- I'm not picky as long as the background is white. These had black backgrounds).

What I found really interesting was that she said she had a bunch of high school kids coming in and asking about them, as well as guys in rec leagues. So she'd been considering ordering a bunch from the rep, because she can get a decent discount with a certain amount of order. I told her I'd definitely be interested but didn't want to flat out say yes without trying them on, which she totally understood. She said that wouldn't be a problem at all because in my size, and the color I want (basically neutral), even if I didn't buy them she'd be able to move them.

Another thing I found interesting was having my suspicions/opinions about the quality of different brands confirmed. The very low-end Itechs I have now have been great for what I bought them for; something cheap to get me on the ice. I've beat the hell out of them, playing 3 times a week for a year and a half in them, and it's really starting to show. Certain parts of the padding are starting to break down, and some of the stitching is coming out. They're just not a very good quality pad at all. Of course, you get what you pay for. These were $300 and I've more than gotten my money's worth out of them. I told her that's what I was using and she showed me the next few models up from that but said she wouldn't even waste her money on them; and flipped them over and showed me why. Certain parts of the straps just won't last, especially as much as I play. Itech is a leader in masks. In pads... they have long way to go. I'd kind of figured that out on my own. I also figured Vaughn was a real quality brand, just from eyeballing other goalie's pads, and reading stuff online. She confirmed that as well, without me asking.

So, it looks like there might be a set of Awesome Pads in my future!!! They're pricey. But they will absolutely last me the rest of my hockey playing days, no question about it. I hope they fit, and I hope they turn out to be what I really am looking for, because starting all over again from the drawing board doesn't sound like fun. This is the last piece of the puzzle in terms of my gear. Everything else I have is very good quality stuff that will last me forever. I lucked out on my glove and blocker and got pro stock on insanely good sale. No need to replace them any time in the near or distant future. So this should hold me for a good long time.

Yay gear. :)

Oh, goalie...

My holiday weekend started off with a round of open hockey today. I saw a former team-mate there who I haven't seen in a while, so that was pretty cool. What wasn't cool was that he said the reason he could come to this time slot was that he'd been laid off. And what was also not cool was that it was one of my poorer showings of late, at least one particular shift was.

Ok. Here's a secret. I have never mentioned this to anyone because it's embarassing and makes me look really stupid. I hate switching sides in open hockey, because I always have trouble remembering who's on my side. There. Pretty dumb, right? The guys coming at you with the puck aren't on your side, dumbass. But I think what happens is, whoever I play for first gets imprinted on my brain as "my team" and it's hard to make the jump to the other side without literally reminding myself every minute or so when I first switch that those are the "bad guys" now. Usually it doesn't affect my play because my brain manages to catch up just in time. And this lag usually lasts only for the first few minutes. Not today. I started out on the dark team. Everything went pretty well, even though that end of the ice was a total shooting gallery. Then I switched sides for my next 15 minute shift (3 other goalies today, so shorter shifts). When I got into the net I told myself "Ok. The dark guys are your enemy". Unfortunately about halfway through my shift, with play in the other end, the puck ended up coming down into my zone. I saw a guy flying down to get it but knew I could get there first. So I skated about halfway to the blue line, stopped it, and passed it to him. As his dark burgundy jersey passed me I thought to myself "well jeez if you were just going to go take it behind the net I wouldn't have come out to.... oh."

I skated back to the crease in time to retrieve the puck from the net on its way back out from the force of the guy's shot. A (light-jerseyed) teammate met me there and looked at me and said "it's ok if you turn it over, just get back and play some fucking goal". Ouch. I managed to say "I got confused...." but stopped, figuring it was better if he thought I just turned it over, than if he knew that for some reason I'd forgotten that dark wasn't my team. I heard other guys on the ice saying "what the hell was that all about?". Ooops.

Fortunately I managed to make some really good saves on my next shift... back on the dark side again. And the light guys had the majority of the speedy awesome stickhandlers, so I felt pretty good about that. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I shut them out. But I felt more comfortable and made better decisions over there. Like not handing the puck to the opposition on a silver platter.

The college guys are back

A few days ago I went out for open hockey, making sure to get there nice and early because I had a feeling it would be a popular time. There was one other goalie signed in when I got there, so I signed my name and went off to watch the kids playing before I changed. It was a short session, only an hour and 20 minutes, so I was a little disappointed to find three other goalies waiting to get on the ice when the time finally came. One however said he was going to leave halfway through, so that helped a little bit.

Imagine my surprise when warming up, I noticed a fifth goalie standing around on the boards waiting for his turn. Now, every place I’ve ever been for open hockey limits the number of goalies to four. With four goalies you can take shifts and still get some decent playing time but anything more than that is just flat out ridiculous. Please note that I have only been playing ice hockey for a year, and I am aware of this practice. Enter Kid With Awesome Pads (more on those later). With the planning-to-leave-early goalie already on the bench, the rest of us conferred as to what to do. All of us but Kid pointed out that we had signed in- Kid played dumb and pretended he didn’t know you were supposed to do that. He was probably college age. And judging by his play, he’s no stranger to rinks, and certainly knows open hockey is limited to 4 goalies. I’m sure he just looked at the list, saw 4 names and decided to head to the locker rooms anyway. Fortunately, he offered to stay on the bench until the other guy left, and then he’d jump into the rotation. Fair enough. And he was good enough to actually do that, too.

What cracked me up was about 10 minutes before the other guy left, the gal from the front desk came into the rink, opened one of the doors and yelled “GOALIES!!!” The game came to a screeching halt, and 20+ skaters crowded around her at the door, us goalies lumbering over behind them. She read off the four names on the list, we raised our hands when called, and she fixed Kid with a stony look and told him he had to leave. He explained how we’d resolved the issue and she let him stay. I got a huge kick out of all the skaters crowded around to see who was going to “get in trouble”.

Speaking of the skaters... A large portion of them had helmets and/or practice jerseys from a college team. And man, was it fast. It was absolutely exhilarating, to be perfectly frank. I loved it, after I got over my initial nervousness. Fortunately, I was on the end of the ice with a lot less shots. Even so, I did really well against them. On my first shift I didn’t allow any goals at all, and on the second shift, I allowed 2 that I probably should have had, but I got back into the swing of things. Stopping one particular player on a breakaway was gratifying, because he is one of the four ringers on a team in our instructional league. Funny how he was keeping up just fine with the college guys, if he’s in the instructional league…

And here’s the part where I totally geek out, so feel free to skip this part if you’re not a goalie. Ok, Kid With Awesome Pads. They’re only Awesome Pads because they’re the ones I’d buy if I had $1500 lying around. And they’re only the ones I’d buy because I’m a marketing whore and some of my favorite goalies wear them. Ok, that’s not entirely true. Lundqvist is my favorite of any of them and there’s no way I’d want the pads he wears. So I’m not a complete marketing whore. I do know what I want in a pad, and flat straight boards aren’t it. Someday I’ll try one on just to see if it really is what I want, or if I’m responding to what I see people I admire wearing. But beyond that, Kid had my attention for his style of play. He was a completely pure 100% butterfly ‘tender. I swear he could have been trained by Francois Allaire himself. His style was textbook-perfect and it was really cool to watch. It also made me realize how few goalies are pure butterfly goalies- and probably with good reason. Personally I think a hybrid style gives you more options and more success but that was just damn cool to watch, seeing him execute moves I’ve read about perfectly.

There may be a chance for me to get Awesome Pads though. On June 11th, a committee is meeting to discuss further trimming of goalie equipment. If these pads end up not conforming to the new standards (mostly having to do with thigh rises and knee blocks, in terms of pads anyway), they’ll have to find a way to get rid of all the ones that are already made, won’t they. And that means prices will drop… a lot. I’m not kidding myself, I know they won’t make me play better. But mine are starting to get beat up so it’s not out of the question that I might need new ones by next year or so. Cross your fingers for new standards, folks. Hey, even as a goalie myself I think the thigh rises right now are pretty ridiculous. See: Henrik Lundqvist.

Raqs Hockey

The ancient and beautiful art of bellydance is known in Ararbic as "raqs sharqi" (or "raqs baladi"... or lots of other combinations depending on the style). How do I know this? Because I used to bellydance. In my past life, before goaltending, I was a fervent devotee of the art, though my passion for goaltending far eclipses my former passion for dance, which I didn't think was possible. I still keep in touch with a few of the women who were in my dance troupe, and I still have the desert rhythms in my blood. I will never lose that- it was the music that drew me to it in the first place. A quick scan of my iPod will reveal a lot of electronica, industrial, rock... and Arabic pop and classical music.

Understandably, a lot of my friends, both in the dance community and otherwise, were completely perplexed when I quit dance and then several months later started playing hockey. It's not a common or natural progression. At least... not at first glance. But I've discovered a key similarity between that jewel of the Nile and stopping pucks. Isolation. It hit me a while ago, when working with my coach on the problem that's been dogging me for about a month. In his search to find a new way to explain what I should do, he told me to think of the top half and bottom half of my body as two entirely separate parts; my hips and legs have to move one way and my shoulders and arms have to move in another, opposite, direction. When he said that I almost blurted out "It's just like bellydancing!", but wisely decided not to open that can of worms. (Though lets be real. He's a goalie coach. He's probably used to hearing weird things come out of his students' mouths.) But the fact remains, it is just like bellydancing. When you're shimmying your hips faster than a washing machine agitator while simultaneously moving your arms and hands in the graceful arcs known as "snake-arms", isolation is the key.

Perhaps that is what I need to keep in mind to work through this strange mental block I have on this one technique. I need to remember "it's just like bellydancing". That might result in some rather odd saves though.... I can just see it now. "Figure-eight-hip-save and a beaut!"

Case in point

I played this weekend with a group I don't normally play with, and for good reason. They're like lightning. Not as fast as those college guys I found myself facing back in January but faster than the guys I usually play open hockey with. Besides me, there was only one other goalie, but two full benches of skaters, and all of them were flying. I was very low on energy for some reason, so on top of being way below their level, I also wasn't at the top of my game. So I have a feeling I made a fool of myself. But I had to keep reminding myself of the open hockey credo: even a crappy goalie is better than no goalie at all. The other goalie was really good. I was surprised it took as long as it did for them to switch up goalies, so the team that was eating me alive could actually have someone decent to shoot on.

They weren't jerks, and they weren't toying with me, which is all I can ask for in that situation. But I just flat out wasn't quick enough to keep up with them. One guy in particular just scored on me at will. He'd come flying in (not sure what was up with the D... I think they didnt' want to put much effort in because I was stinking the place up- they just let this guy walk in over and over) and fake me out and put it in the net. I resolved to stick with him but each time I ended up biting too soon. Or, he'd come in as part of a 2 on 1 and I'd square up to the puck carrier, and he'd pass it to the other guy and I'd be halfway across the crease and the puck was behind me. So in some cases, I think I was doing the right thing, just not quick enough. There were other cases where I definitely screwed up- dropped my shoulder, dropped my blocker, didn't have my stick in front of the 5 hole while stretching out to go across the crease... etc. But the bottom line is, these guys were just a lot faster than I was, and a lot more talented.

Once I switched sides I played a little better. For whatever reason, the D was tighter on that side, even though their forwards were flying. I honestly had the feeling that the D in front of me for the first half wasn't trying all that hard, because they thought I wasn't trying hard. Like they felt like "why should we care if she doesn't?". That's pure conjecture but it was the feeling I got. There was even one time when there were 3 opposing forwards set up in front of my net and no one from my side anywhere near me/them.

I didn't know anyone there, but there was one guy who apparently knew me. (A lot of times that happens- I don't generally see faces while playing. Besides the full cages a lot of them wear, I'm not looking at faces anyway. If someone wears the same jersey all the time, I'll recognize him. But for the most part I don't know who I'm playing with unless they actually say something to me during warmups or in the course of the game.) While we were waiting to get on the ice he said "Oh, I remember you!" I asked if that was a good thing or a bad thing and he said it was a good thing- the last time he played with me I played well. Well good thing, because I sucked this time. He played D on the side I played on for the second half and was pretty supportive. He was an older guy and kept giving me the "atta girl!" when I made a save or covered the puck in the nick of time. It would annoy me from anyone else, but he was clearly being supportive, and I guess it's just a generational thing. I mean, he was so old his helmet looked like a pasta strainer. ;)

Again, no one was a dick to me, which has happened in this particular session on other occasions, but I was clearly out of my league. Oh well, at least I got ice time. I changed as fast as I could and got the heck out of there afterwards, so I wouldn't run into any of them in the hall.

It'll be nice to get back to my "usual" groups; instructional league early this week, and open hockey later on in the week. At least I feel somewhat useful there.

More growing pains

I've been letting something simmer in the back of my mind for the last month or so, because that is how I make decisions the best. Sleep on it, let it hang out there, get comfy, share some wine with my other thoughts, and eventually an answer will come to me.


I have had a blast in the instructional league. But a few things are pointing to the fact that it might be time for me to try moving up a level. I've been busy avoiding this idea for a while because it means leaving my friends. The idea was first posed to me by my coach. I asked him one morning why it was that I could kick ass in open hockey, and then be just mediocre when I played in my instructional league games. (This was after a particularly frustrating night in the league where I just wasn't myself, and let in a few goals I should have stopped without a problem, and two days before that I'd stood on my head against some really skilled guys in an open hockey match). He told me it was his experience that goalies who play at two different levels actually end up hurting their game in both- that going back and forth takes its toll on your reflexes and your mind. I instantly balked at the idea- I love playing with my friends. And with the insight of a member on a goalie message board I realized that each type of game fulfills different needs for me: the open hockey is good for speed and reacting without thinking, and the league I'm in is good for socializing and can be another form of a challenge. Namely, specifically recognizing that the shots are slower and challenging yourself not to think about each shot, whereas in open hockey I don't have time to think.

So for a while that was fine with me. Each level had different plusses and minuses. But now my coach has mentioned several times that it's time for me to move on. And each time I panic thinking "but I have so much fun and don't want to leave my friends!". Until the last few weeks. A big eye-opener was one game in which I thought I didn't face many shots at all, and actually was kind of bored out there. I later found out I'd turned away 19 of 21 shots, which was a lot more than I'd thought I'd had. And then the next week.... again I found myself bored while on the ice. I want to make it very clear that this is not a criticsm of my team-mates' or opponents skill level at all. (And I don't think I'm hot shit or anything either- I realize I'm the only one out of all of us taking private lessons. If I wasn't getting any better, that would be pretty sad). I think where its coming from is revelling in the speed and intensity of the open hockey games and becoming accustomed to the rush that provides. But I wonder how I can think it's time to move up when I'm certainly not shutting them out by any means (ha ha see the last game, 7-2). I also know for a fact, based on someone else's experience, that if I move up to the next level I'll get lit up every night until I hit that learning curve. And that'll take the fun out of it for a while.


And that's what's keeping me back. I know that if I decided to play in the D league next season, I'd be on a team where I don't know anyone. I'll be changing in the closet by myself again, instead of being a part of the comraderie in the locker room. I'll have to prove myself to the team and work hard to earn their trust and respect. I'm not afraid of having to work hard, but I hate the feeling of wondering if everyone's thinking "oh great... we got stuck with this goalie". Until I can jump the learning curve and prove myself, which I am confident that I can do, it will just take time.


I also was talking to one of the rink employees who used to be in our league and moved up, and he was trying pretty heavily to recruit me to try out for the womens' C team in the fall. The reasons I don't want to do that are for a whole other blog post, but I was flattered that he thought I could handle it. I haven't completely closed that door; I told him I'll see where I am and what I want to do in the fall and maybe I'll try out, but it's not an idea I'm crazy about right now.

So I'm not sure what to do. Between my coach, the uneasy boredom feeling I get now and then, and the fact that some of my team-mates are in fact tossing around the idea of maybe moving up, I think I should give it a try. But there are a lot of reasons to stay where I am as well. Fortunately, I have a while yet before I have to make a decision; our season just started and runs until the middle of June (or somewhere around there). So for now I'll enjoy every minute of it, in terms of the group I'm with. Because they're a great bunch of guys and the main reason I want to stick around. Besides, no one's tapped me on the shoulder and told me it's time for me to move on. (Except my coach. Who seems to have made it his personal mission to get me out of instructional league, given some comments at our last session.) So maybe I'll wait until/if that happens and let the decision get made for me. Though judging by the number of ringers on the opposing team on Tuesday night, no one's policing the skill level all that much anymore.

PS- I just realized this sounds like I'm always shutting them down in open hockey. Not the case at all. Once or twice I've stood on my head but more often I'm just about able to keep my head above water. But it's the fact that I can keep up with them, even just a little bit, that makes me think I might be able to handle the next level after I get my ass handed to me a few times. In no way am I trying to say that I'm on those guys' level (the open hockey guys).