Mojo only goes so far

I wore the Russian jersey for the tourney, mostly because there was a skater who needed to borrow the team jersey. Holy crap did we get our asses handed to us. But we skated hard, really hard, and kept pressing, which I guess is all you can ask. I don't think I'd like to do another one though, unless it was on the full ice surface. They had the nets set up across the rink, and not only did that make it awfully crowded for 6 skaters, but it completely disoriented me in terms of where I was when I came out of the net. Over the course of the tournament I got a lot more used to that, but I still didn't really care for that format.

As for my own performance, the first game was a complete joke, as I had no idea where I was half the time and was getting used to the weird cross-ice dynamic. After that I settled down a bit and made some good saves, kept up with the pace, and I think did my part for the team. There were a few bad goals through the 5-hole but those guys had really fast releases and by the end of the night I was just gassed and didn't get down fast enough. But overall I'm pleased that I seem to have gotten my feet back under me after being sick so much and not playing. Our new season starts in about two weeks, and I can't wait. I'm hoping to play a bit of open hockey until then, to stay sharp.

From Russia, With Love

For Christmas, my parents gave me a jersey from the Russian team I like, goalie-cut so I can wear it when I play. This was actually a request from me, because I discovered a website where you can purchase Russian hockey jerseys and actually select any size and then select "goalie cut" as an option. I haven't seen this anywhere else- usually "goalie cut" is a size all its own and is so big two of me (with gear) can fit inside.

I was really excited for my first opportunity to wear it; open hockey this morning. It fit perfectly- no struggling to get my arms through the sleeves, and no yoga-like positions to get it over my head without getting it caught on the back of my chest protector. I don't know if it brought me luck, but I had the best time at open hockey that I've had in a really long time. I played beyond my usual ability, and the game itself was great. It was fast and high-skilled, and pretty much to a man all the guys seemed to be really laid back and very respectful. It was clear that they were there to play hockey and have a good time. I also realized toward the end of the session that I'd recovered with the correct leg every single time. (Naturally, right after that I got up on the wrong leg, but other than that, yeah, EVERY time!). Even better than that is that I realized why I was able to do that- I was following the puck with my head and shoulders, and when you lead with your head and shoulders the rest of your body follows and you get up on the right foot without even thinking about it. Funny.... just like my coach kept telling me.

There were three goalies there today, so I had to take a few turns on the bench, which allows me to bring you "Humorous Bench Comment of the Game":

D-man (just off the ice and trying to stretch out a kink in his back): I feel it right back here- in my fallopian tube.

Me (totally unable to resist): Yeah. I know how you feel.

2nd D-man: Well yeah... I guess you'd know.


I'm playing in a tournament tonight, and even though the team is mostly guys from the old roller days and they're going to wear the jerseys one of them designed and we all bought, I'm really tempted to wear that Russian jersey tonight again. We'll see. I'll bring them both. The idea of presenting as a true "team" is fun, but when you're talking about mojo.... that's another topic all together.

I'm not the only one

I used to like the Lightning, when Khabibulin was there. But now.... on top of the Bulin Wall being gone, I can't stand Coach Tortorella and his incessant goalie-bashing. Up until now I hadn't noticed any commentary in the press about this, but I finally came across something this evening. I discovered a weekly feature on Goalie's World magazine's website, called "In Goal This Week". It's a lot of statistical stuff, but there are writeups about certain situations as well. Finally, this issue gets some attention. Ironically, this was written earlier this week, before Denis was put on waivers. Ever since last season when they decided to throw Ramo into the mix, I've felt bad for him. I don't see this ending well for him at all. Here's what Gilles Moffet has to say:

Goalies’World rookie of the week

Ramo is new actor in soap opera

After three straight weeks as Goalies’World Rookie of the Week, Carey Price (Montreal) stepped down from the podium. This time the honor goes to Kari Rammo [sic - it's Karri Ramo], of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Recently called up from the Norfolk Admirals, Ramo had two home starts and he was red hot, stopping 64 of 67 shots. He first made 31 saves on Thursday in a 2-1 win over the Leafs, and on Saturday, he stopped 33 of 35 in a 4-1 loss to the Hurricanes. Needless to say, Ramo is the new ingredient in the goaltending soap opera that goes on and on in Tampa Bay. The Lightning is desperately trying to make a number one goalie but do they have one? The only one with proven credentials is Marc Denis but with only one hot performance out of 10, he is not exactly forcing the hand of coach John Tortorella. On the other hand, Tortorella hasn’t showed any respect to Denis. He hasn’t previously, and he hasn’t this year. In fact, it’s awful how he is treating Denis who only had four starts this year. Six of his 10 outings were in relief duties and if you don’t believe that’s an insult, read this. After three average (but not bad) starts On Dec. 11^th, Denis had his best start of the year in Montreal, making 28 saves on 30 shots and stopping all three shootout attempts to lead the Ligtning [sic] to a 3-2 shootout win. How was he rewarded? As of Dec. 23^rd, he as yet to get another start and they called up Ramo. Now, despite his solid play this week one may wonder how long that will last. Ramo has not even proved that he can be a dominang [sic] goalie in the Amrerican [sic] League. And Tortorella expects him to be a number one in Tampa? It just doesn’t make sense. Tortorella is not helping Ramo. He is not helping Denis. He is not helping Holmqvist. He is not helpimg [sic] his team.

(Note: What this magazine lacks in editorial ability it makes up for in technical knowledge and pure statistical prowess. Still, I crack up at the myriad spelling and grammar errors I come across in each issue. It looks like the website is no different).

Out of the mouths of babes. Ok, college students.

I miss out on some interesting conversations on the bench while I'm out there in my net the whole time. According to my husband and Senator, here are two that took place the other day when we were somehow dropped into the middle of a college hockey game.

Conversation #1
My husband overhears two other defensemen discussing the next move they're going to make when they go up ice against me.

D-man #1: Check it out, this is what I'm going to do when I get up against the goalie (describes move that would be akin to killing an ant with a nuclear bomb).

D-man #2: Dude, if you do that, you'll either get it, or you'll run her over.

My husband: Please don't run the goalie over.

D-man #1: Why not?

My husband: Because that's my wife.

D-man #2: Seriously?

My husband: Yes, that's my wife.

D-man #2: Wow.



And conversation #2, which I found infinitely more amusing. Apparently this occurred between Senator and another forward, who were on the other team.

College kid to another college kid: I think the goalie is a chick.

Senator (overhearing them): Yes, she is.

College kid: Yeah, I thought she smelled good.

Senator (laughing): Dude, you see that big defenseman on the other bench in the blue jersey? That's her husband, so don't get any ideas.

College kid (looking at my husband): Oh.


Ok.... I smell good?! That's classic. Even if my gear didn't have the obligatory hockey stink, how would this guy have any idea beyond that what I smell like? It's certainly better than being told that I stink, though. That did happen one especially blistering summer day out on the outdoor roller rink. A very unencumbered-by-gear forward skated past me and informed me that he got a good "whiff" of me any time he went by. Yeah, and if he was wearing all that gear in that heat, I'm sure he'd smell like a daisy. Which is exactly what I told him.

Hockey at 90 mph

I'm sure I have windburn on my face as I sit here typing. This afternoon I participated (if you can call it that) in the fastest hockey I have ever been a part of. I know there have been a few times in this blog alone that I've said something like this, but this blows all previous experiences out of the water. My husband and a few friends and I went to the Christmas Eve afternoon open hockey session at our rink and found ourselves in the middle of a college game. Complete with checking. The speed and footwork alone was stunning, but add in the stickhandling, the zillion mile an hour shots, and we clearly weren't even in the same hockey universe as these guys. For the first time since my first few initial outings, I let in exponentially more goals than I stopped. But I can't even feel bad about it. These were bona fide honest to goodness college hockey players from some notable schools, home on break, and they let fly.

Fortunately, they were really cool with us beginners- they gave the skaters space and they didn't play cat and mouse games with me. Not that they went easy on me. I could probably count on both hands the number of saves I made in an hour and a half, but I did very well in realizing there wasn't anything else to do but try my best. For the next half hour after the game ended, my head was still spinning. It was just insane.

Usually when I play open hockey, I'm playing with guys way above my level. But I can normally keep my head above water, and at least use it as an opportunity to learn something. This.... well it was so fast I didn't even learn anything. GoalieHusband said that we got nothing at all out of that session, but I pointed out that we did: exercise. And boy did we. He said he hasn't skated like that in a very long time, and I myself was (and still am- my eyes are barely open) completely worn out after the game. And yet I find myself considering going back later this week, even though it will likely be the same crew (or same type of crew). Our league doesn't start until mid January- there's no way I'm going to let some college kids keep me off the ice until then.

So, for the next few weeks, I better get used to the feeling of windburn and a spinning head. At least I'll be able to keep an eye on the pucks as they hit the twine behind me.

Where did the month go?

That flu really knocked me for a loop. After two weeks of complete inactivity I finally got back on the ice for a game with my team. I wasn't expecting anything grand, given how stiff and inflexible I felt. Luckily for me, I wasn't the only one not having the best game- it was a team-wide meltdown to the tune of a whopping 9-2 loss, one that was best put behind us quickly. I personally felt like I was skating through molasses and looked forward to a few open hockey sessions between then and the next game.

Unfortunately that was not to be. The germs were persistent little buggers and hung on for a while, resulting in me not playing any more hockey at all until the next week's game; the final game of the fall season. Fortunately that had a much better result. Even though I hadn't played all week, I felt in much better shape that night, and came up with some big saves. The team was back on track too, and we won 7-4 (against that other goalie that I have a competition with in my own mind. Him: 0 Me: 2. Ha.).

This morning GoalieHusband and I went to an open hockey session at our "regular" rink. We got there early, just as the on-ice private lessons were wrapping up and I saw my coach. It made me realize just how much I want to get back to the lessons, even though I'll have to wait a while yet for outside reasons. I've been frustrated and feeling like I lost all the quickness and strength I gained through the lessons, but after playing this morning, I think it'll come back pretty quickly. The good thing about the holidays is the rink added a bunch more open hockey times, so hopefully I'll be able to get my fix even though the season is over. There's talk of putting together a team for a 3 on 3 tournament, but I'm not sure that will get off the ground. I've never done anything like that before, so I'm looking forward to it if it does in fact happen.

Happy Hockeydays! ;)

Two weeks...

Two weeks since my last game, and I'm itching to get back on the ice. I could have played some open hockey last night, but given the fact that I was asleep on the couch by 7:45, it's probably a good thing I didn't go. (It's also a good thing I slept through the Rangers latest loss...)

With not much to report on my own progress, I offer an interesting article about Hannu Toivonen, who was recently thrust into the role of starter with Manny Legace's knee injury.

Humbled

Moaning and groaning about missing ice time and feeling like crap in general feels pretty silly in comparison to stuff like this.

Whoa, what day is it?

How fast the time flies when you're flat on your back in a fevered fog. The first part of our trip went beautifully- we got to see the Predators and Blues, and made it back home in time for a few hours of sleep before heading out for our last "regular season" game. I'm glad we did it that way, and would probably do it again, even though I'm sure the push to drive through the night and not sleep is why I ended up sicker than I've been in a very long time. Oh, I felt fine on Monday night, great actually, because we were out for revenge on a team that beat us a few weeks earlier, and got it: to the tune of a 5-1 win. And yes ladies and gents, that is officially the lowest goals-against of my "career". So I was quite happy about that.

Unfortunately, by Tuesday afternoon I was huddled in bed, sweating and shivering, and my husband finally had enough of my moaning and dragged me to a doctor on Thursday. He says I had/have sinusitis, I think I had/have the flu. Regardless, he gave me antibiotics, and today I'm actually fever-free for the first time in days. I still feel like a bus hit me, but at least I was up and around a little bit today. Unfortunately, this ruined our vacation plans of playing lots of open hockey, and traveling to Ottawa for today's Ranger/Senator game. And now I am feeling just good enough to be frustrated. I have several important events coming up this week; Monday we have our first playoff game and we have tickets to the Rangers game on Thursday. (The other is not hockey-related). As it is now, I'm not sure if I'm even going to work on Monday, so I doubt I'll be playing. Which is really, really, really hard for me to do. Because I'm sure I could probably push myself to play. In fact, I may feel pretty good on Monday night. Not playing if I feel good is going to be extremely difficult, but I think it will have to be done. Under no circumstances do I want to be that sick again if I have anything to do with it. I really hope that by Thursday I can go to the Rangers game, but I'm not even counting on that.

I'm never this sick, this often. I think it's time to start drinking a lot more. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. The fever left me extremely dehydrated, and I probably wasn't hydrated well to begin with. Lots of fluids and vitamins for me now.... I'm not letting this happen again.

Talk goalie to me

A few issues ago, Goalie's World magazine had a feature on Dwayne Roloson. Their features always analyze the goalie's style by taking pages from his "playbook", i.e. showing frame by frame what he's good at and how he does it. One of the things they focused on with "Roli" was what they called a "crest save", and explained that he is one of the few goalies who does it, and does it well. (Basically, it's lining yourself up to take the puck right in the crest on the chest of your jersey, allowing you to trap it there with your glove, or by crunching your body down).

Being the incredibly immature person I am when it comes to what I find humorous, I fell into a fit of giggles at hearing the announcer during an Oilers game describe such a save by saying "...and a save by Roloson. You know, he just loves to take it right in the oil." I thought no one could top that. Well, tonight, the broadcasters on Rogers Sportsnet did just that in calling the Blackhawks / Flames game. A Hawk walked in on Kiprusoff and was summarily stuffed; apparently by just such a "crest save" (I was listening, not watching). The following words actually left the announcer's mouth:

"...and there's Kiprusoff, taking it right in the flaming C and holding on..."

Damn good thing the Flames aren't in Atlanta anymore.

Success breeds insanity

Last night our meager 1-4-1 team went up against the #1 team in the league. It was a frustrating game to start out with, as we were down 5-2 at one point in the 2nd period. But somehow we managed to rally and ended up with a 7-6 win. It felt so good to see the skaters break out and just keep burying the puck in the net to bring us up to a tie, and then put us over the top. I vowed to do everything possible to keep my end of the bargain. After one particularly exhilarating (if not gray-hair-inducing) save and subsequent scuffle to cover the puck, a team-mate said "just keep us in this thing". I got up and said "you bet!"... and I managed to keep my word.

Riding the high from a come-behind win against the best team in the league inspired my husband and I to pledge to be back for next week's game- even though we'd originally planned to be away. Oh we're still going away- we have tickets for games in Nashville and St. Louis this weekend - but we're going to drive like bats out of batcaves to get back in time for Monday night's game. It's a little nuts, but it's not like we had anything planned for the trip home other than to meander through the Blue Ridge Mountains. Armchair geologist that I am, I know that they're not going anywhere anytime soon, and we have a trip to Atlanta to make, so we can do our meandering then.

Of course, in the light of day, after realizing we booked a hotel for after the game in St. Louis, this plan seems a little silly. But hotels can be cancelled. What matters is that no one else is going to be in that net but me. Now I better stand on my pinky next week or I'll feel mighty stupid...

Beer = Fun

There are probably smarter things to do on a cold night in late fall than stand around outside with wet hair drinking beer, but it's a hell of a lot of fun when you have good company. After a skills clinic, my husband and I and two of our team-mates hung out outside the rink with the clinic instructor, league coordinator, and a few other guys from the clinic. We were there for so long that the two teams who were inside playing eventually came out and joined us (and fired up a portable grill, which was welcomed as much for its heat as the hot dogs it cooked). We had a great time ragging on each other and telling silly stories and coming up with next season's team name by accident. If Mr. I Drive A Zamboni And Chicks Dig Me actually remembers and names our team the "Bumblebees", I apologize profusely in advance.

Igor Murin (of Zlin of the Czech Extraliga) probably spends a lot of time standing around drinking beer as well. Has to be the only way he'd come up with something like this.

A thing of beauty

I've had a love-hate relationship with my goalie lessons since they started; I dread the grueling physical strain but at the same time I welcome it and I love putting the pieces together and learning new things. Unfortunately I'm taking a hiatus until after the holidays- money wise and schedule wise it's just not a good time right now. I expected to feel a sense of relief on Sunday night when I didn't have to prepare my gear, lay out the clothes I'd jump into at 4:45 a.m., pack clothes for work and provisions for a shower at the rink, and a sense of freedom on Monday morning when I was waking up at 6:30 instead of toiling on the ice. But I didn't. Instead I felt mildly disappointed and let down. That's probably a good sign.

But what's even better is what happened in last night's game. The final result was a 4-4 tie, not exactly what you'd expect to hear anyone call a "great game", least of all a goalie who let in 4 shots. However I think I played extremely well. I faced a lot of shots, and in analyzing the saves I made, I think I had pretty good control of most of my rebounds and was quick to cover loose pucks; both areas I'd been struggling with. I did make mistakes, and I was out of position on the 3rd goal but overall I did well. The jewel in my goaltending crown last night though was one save in particular, a kick-save that I wish I could email my coach about. Not so much because it was a great save (which if you'll pardon my horn-blowing, it was), but because I knew exactly what I was doing, and I felt all the gears fall into place and turn the right cogs to get my body exactly where it needed to be in exactly the right way.

If I could, without feeling giddy and silly, I would tell my coach that I was focused and tracked the play, and saw the open man to my left even though I was squared up after a save at the top of my crease to the right. I would tell him that without thinking, my brain told my torso to turn to the left, and my left leg to tuck slightly behind me, which my instinct had been fighting in all my lessons. I'd tell him that I picked up and put my weight on my right leg (not only the "right" leg but the "correct" leg) and pushed to the left while extending my left pad, to get there in time to kick the puck into the corner. I didn't think "ok, I have to do this now". I just let the training take over and the fact that it did, that is the thing of beauty.

Victory Not Vengeance*

The Hawks have been reincarnated once again, with a good percentage of the old crew, but with some of the ringers culled in the league-wide levelling of the playing field. This season we're known as the Sky Hawks (gotta love how they're keeping with a theme), and we have dreadful bright yellow jerseys that, as one new team-mate put it, make us look like bees. We have several new faces on the team, and a bench full to bursting, and both factors have contributed to a sort of chaotic approach to our first few games, none of which resulted in wins.

That all changed on Monday night, however. I was looking forward to this game in particular because of the opposing goalie. Phil, from our original roller hockey group, had been dabbling in ice hockey over the past few months, and decided to join the same league we joined. Obviously, they put him on another team, since ours already had a goalie. For some reason I've always had a competition with Phil in my mind. I never let him know it (and hopefully he never reads this), but it always bugged me that he was as good as I was, but started playing in net a few months after me, and certainly didn't work as hard at it or do it as frequently. It frustrated me, because I felt I should be ahead of him in terms of skill level. Since I haven't played roller in a while, I can't say where we are in relation to each other there, but I think I definitely have the advantage on ice (even before I started the lessons).

The game was one of the best-played by the entire team. People were working together, playing their positions, the whole thing was like a well-oiled machine. Ok that might be going a bit too far. But as close to a well-oiled machine that a bunch of 30-somethings who just started playing hockey can get. At first the score was close. We went up 2-0 and then shortly after that they scored to bring it back to within one. But slowly, as we all predicted, the more shots we put on Phil, the more went in, the more frustrated he became until he lost all focus and just about everything went in. The final score was 9-2, and I actually started to feel a little bad for him towards the end of the game. For a few minutes. Then I reflected on what a great game the team had played as a whole, and realized I'd bettered my previous outing by one goal, and I couldn't stop grinning.

Personally, I had a really good game. The defense helped me out in a big way by not letting much through to me, but I found a way to come up with saves on most of the shots I did face. The two that beat me weren't anything to hang my head in shame over; one on a weird bounce off my own guy through traffic, and one from a wide open man on a 2 on 1. Two weeks from now, I think I'll have made that save, because I'm getting quicker in the crease every time I go out, thanks to the lessons.

But what really satisfied me was the rough pats on the mask from team-mates who knew how badly I wanted to beat this team and why, and how happy they were with my play.

Bring on the next game.


*super blog points if anyone gets what this is a reference to

I have to get over myself

What plagues me in life apparently also follows me onto the rink; namely, that everyone's thinking bad things about me all the time. That would require that people were thinking about me at all, and to assume that others are thinking about you constantly is a little narcissistic. This works great because I get to beat myself up on two counts; for performing badly, and for being narcissistic and thinking people care so much about my performing badly.

During my lesson today I had a bit less energy than last week, for whatever reason, and found myself exhausted and gasping quite easily. But because I wanted to show an earnest effort, I just pushed through it. My coach keeps a good eye on me and tells me to "take a few seconds" when he sees me getting overly winded, so I think he knows I'm doing my best. I am 33, and though I'm in pretty good shape, it's not like I've been involved in sports or belonged to a gym or run marathons all my life, so this is something new for my body to get used to. I've also never had instruction geared completely towards me, for a full hour. Practices with team-mates, or clinics all are just more intense examples of game situations; i.e. I'm not expending energy constantly for the entire 60 minutes. I've never skated out. So I have no idea what it's like to race up and down the ice at full throttle for a minute straight. But I bet it's somewhat comparable to a sustained attack on net, where I'm constantly flexed in my crouch, moving, dropping, getting up, kicking, moving, pushing, setting up. I think goalies probably expend the same amount of energy, just in shorter bursts, and in a different way.

Man, I got off track there.

But anyway, that was the logical side of my brain talking. No matter that my coach said I've been doing well, I still have this feeling that in the back of his mind he's kind of rolling his eyes and thinking "what do I even do with this one?". Or smirking at me. Most of the time I can just tell that part of my brain to just shut up. But there's another coach who's on the ice at the same time as us, and usually he's done before we are, so he'll help out at the end with drills. I'll call this guy... Johnson. I know Johnson from the league we play in; he shares rotating coaching duties, and runs some of the clinics. He's known as being somewhat of a hardass, as some of my team-mates have had less than positive experiences with him behind the bench. I personally have never had any problem with him, and whenever I play open hockey and he's there, he's always really cool with me, even gives me pointers now and then (he plays D). Johnson's kid never showed up today, so he worked with us a little more than usual. And at one point I was just struggling. Coach was taking shots on me rapid-fire, and he wanted me to go down to block each one, and then get back up, and go down for the next one, etc. It was really taxing and by the last few I was in complete slow-motion. Johnson was just standing there watching and I felt so inadequate. For some reason I really want him to think well of me. What I have to understand is that it doesn't matter what Johnson or anyone else thinks (except maybe my coach)- if they're even thinking anything at all. What matters is the effort I put in and what I get out of it. But I just can't help feeling really small and silly and somewhat ridiculous at times. For all I know, the people who I think are judging me are thinking about that chick they met last night, or that problem they've got at work, or how to get the dog to stop chewing their shoes.

But that's a goalie, right? Always thinking its all about them. ;)

Exploring new territory

On Friday night, a bunch of us went to a different rink than usual for open hockey. The one we'd been going to has canceled open hockey on account of all the school teams that need ice time. I'm all for youth hockey but come on, don't they teach about sharing any more? Argh. Anyway, the end result was that this rink was the only one in the immediate area with any open hockey that night. Fortunately, it wasn't flooded with goalies. In fact, I was the only one. It was, however, flooded with skaters. There were probably about 6 guys on each bench at all times. It didn't seem to be too bad though, because it seemed like the skaters were rotating pretty evenly. I hope everyone got a good amount of ice time.

I had an absolute blast. Besides several of my team-mates, there were a lot of guys there I'd never played with before. Many of them were very, very good. A few had shots so fast they were barely visible. One even plays in the ECHL. Fortunately, I think I had a pretty good game. I made a few of those saves that I have "no business making", and it felt really, really good to rob those guys. One was a glove save on a rebound that I'd initially stopped with my left pad (breakaway) but he got to it and flipped it up but I snatched it right out of the air. Another was a flurry in a forest of skates and legs where I made about four saves and ended up on my stomach before finally smothering it. Both benches erupted in a storm of stick-banging, and I couldn't help the big grin that was on my face.

Oh, I made my share of mistakes, and had my share of bad goals. But I was very glad to know that I could at least keep my head above water and have fun, rather than having that sinking "I don't belong here" feeling. It was a more physical game than I'm used to, and I got bumped around a bit more than usual, but I actually didn't mind it. I will definitely go back next week. It would be really nice if there's only one other goalie there most weeks. I really hate having to take shifts in the net. That probably won't happen, with the other rinks closing down their open hockey, but a goalie can dream...

Sore

I can honestly say I can't remember ever being this sore and stiff. My list of complaints makes it sound like I've been busy doing something other than hockey: groin, thighs, hips, butt. Playing a game at night after a lesson in the morning doesn't take a lot out of me in terms of performance at game time, but all the activity sure leaves its mark the next day. However, I'm sure I'll feel a lot better tomorrow, and the pain is worth it, because it means I'm making progress.

But I'm sore figuratively, too. Once again, I've observed my 24 hour rule. Not because I think I played a bad game, but because I was cranky all day about last night's game in general. Our opponents were the definition of "low class". The highlights of the night were a much larger and stockier opponent blatantly laying out one of my defensemen (technically, defensewoman, but that just sounds dumb), and an opposing forward shooting at the net after a whistle.

In the first instance, Knucklehead and my D-girl were jostling in front of the net. A little physicality, no big deal. Until the puck went out of the zone and she let up, and he decided it would be sportsmanlike and a good idea to hit her high to the back of the neck and head with his forearms. A big hulking brute, he'd been crashing the crease too, and I gave him a good shove just before that. I hope he wasn't taking it out on her. More likely, he's just a grade A toolbox. Both refs get a big fat Bronx cheer for the lack of call on that one.

And then toward the end of the game, a forward came in on a rush, but the whistle blew for a penalty (in our favor! the first all night! imagine that!). She eased up, and then shot on net anyway. As she skated away I gave her an earful, but I don't want to "print" it here.

So, the officiating (or lack of it), the classlessness of the other team, and a few other factors combined to make it a less than stellar game. Fortunately, I personally had a pretty good game, even though we lost by a score of 3-1. The first two goals were power play goals and I believe both on breakaways. The first one went in off my mask, the second deflected off my pad and just barely skidded over the goal line. The third was a shot through traffic that I managed to see just in time- only, I didn't get my left pad down in time and it squeezed through with a hair's width of space. My left leg seems to have a slower reaction time than my right.

But... even though it was a loss, I take away a few positive things from the game. First of all, it was the first game in a long time that I've let in less than 4 goals. For some reason 4 seems to be the magic number. Secondly, I didn't allow any total stinkers or real bad ones, which I have a tendency to do at least once a game lately. And lastly and probably most importantly, I felt really strong and confident, and more comfortable on my feet, and made several good saves, including one flashy one on a breakaway on the other team's "all star".

No more hockey now until Friday night open hockey, when I think I might check out a different rink than usual. But one thing I want to do is look into some conditioning/strengthening exercises I can do at home for my legs. I have two goalie instruction books and a stack of magazines, so I'll start there. A quick email to my coach probably wouldn't hurt either.

And would it kill the Rangers to put the damn puck in the net already? Good lord.

Back in the saddle

My health returned, I went back for Ass-Kickin' Part Two today with my coach. Somehow, even without much ice time at all between the last lesson and this one, I picked up right where we left off and was doing well with the stuff he taught me last time. Today though, we pinpointed an area where I need a lot of work, and will be addressing that more aggressively next week. I had explained to him last time that I learned on concrete, so I have a tendency to dive desperately to the side instead of sliding. That became very apparent this morning while running one drill in particular, so I was glad that he said we'd work on that a lot next week. He showed me a few different ways to recover by sliding to make the next save, now I just have to incorporate it and make it instinct.

But one reason I'm writing is because I don't want to forget one drill we did that I think would be really helpful for me, if the team ever gets ice time for practice like we did as a group several months ago. I would need three other people to work with me, but I think even 10 mintues of this each time we rented ice would make a big improvement. Coach called this a "classic rebound drill". Basically, one person stands with a pile of pucks almost out at the blue line. The other two people are positioned on each side, at the hash marks. The guy with the pucks shoots low, with the idea being that I direct it to one side or another. If there's a rebound more toward the front, the guy on that side goes after it and takes another shot, and keeps shooting until I either cover it, or send it into the corner. I get "points" for putting it where I want it to go (the corner) or covering it, they get points for scoring. The idea is for me to react quickly after the initial save and set up again for the rebound shot, which is something I need a lot of work on, because I'm still trying to use concrete-roller-hockey technique on ice, and I could get there so much quicker and more compact if I make use of ice techniques.

Ok I'm sure everyone's eyes are all glazed over, but because I know a few of my teammates read this, I wanted to get it down before I forgot the details. Hopefully there will be some time in the future where we can run this drill.

Bench chat

I love being a goalie. I have no desire whatsoever to skate out; people say goal is the hardest position in sports, but it seems to me that skaters have so much more to think about and process. I'm not saying it's a piece of cake, but I sure as hell never had any desire to skate out, I like the security of my clearly-marked area of the ice. Part of that, naturally, is that you're not on the bench with the rest of the team and aren't privy to the odd gamut of conversations that goes on. A few times, I've played open hockey when there have been more than two goalies, and at those times I'm on the bench once in a while. I never know what to say to anyone so usually I just stay quiet, and most of the time they're content to ignore me. I'm just a goalie, after all.

But last night I played open hockey (first time on the ice in almost 2 weeks!), and it turned out that there were 4 goalies and only 12 skaters to start with. Since the other goalie on my side started in the net, I was on the bench with the lone sub on the dark team, waiting my turn. We had an interesting conversation:

Him: Some of you goalies should skate out tonight!

Me: Heh. I've never skated out in my life.

Him: Well, there's a first time for everything.

Me: Nah... I think you guys are the crazy ones!

Him (looking at me funny): You know, that's what makes you crazy.

Oh well. I'll take my crazy love of goaltending and be quite happy thank you vurrymuch.

Flaggit

I'll never get my mask airbrushed with a cool design; that's for goalies who are going somewhere. For me to do it would just be a declaration that I have nothing better to spend my money on. But I have wanted one little bit of decoration; a small American flag on the back plate. When I bought my new mask, I asked at the store if they had any, figuring it seems to be a popular thing for goalies to do. They didn't, however, and I was wondering aloud in the locker room one evening where I might come upon one when Senator offered a great suggestion. "Why don't you go to that store that sells all those flags? I'm sure you could find an American flag there. Hell, you could probably even get a Finnish flag and slap it on there too."

My predilection for European hockey is well known amongst my teammates. It's a little odd, I admit, considering I can't watch any of the games, nor do I speak the languages of any of the teams I follow, so media reports are worthless as well. A curiosity about Lundqvist's old team and a friend in Sweden resulted in my following two Swedish teams the year after the lockout, and my interest expanded to teams in Russia, Finland and the Czech Republic. I follow the teams by the scores and the text-based play-by-play sites I've found, and I've actually even found a few video sites to watch the highlights from the Swedish games.

Senator was only kidding, but he did plant an idea in my head, and when I got to the store I ended up purchasing not only an American flag, but a Swedish, Finnish, Czech and Russian one as well. They're quite small, only an inch and a half by one inch, so they aren't overbearing. I put the American one on the back plate where I'd originally planned, as that seems to be the place to put your own country's flag. But I put the Finnish and Swedish flags on one side, down at the bottom of the mask, and the Russian and Czech flags on the other side in the same spot. It has nothing to do with my heritage, as people might assume when they see it, but it's all a tribute to the teams I follow in a very dorky way across the pond.

Stopped in my tracks

You can only demand so much of your body before it cries "uncle". I have a feeling that my Tuesday morning lesson, Tuesday night game, and Wednesday evening go-directly-shopping-for-3-hours-do-not-stop-for-dinner escapade have landed me flat on my back for a few days. The shopping was fun, I came home with a cute Halloween costume, but in retrospect I probably should have come straight home, had dinner, and gone to bed.

Tuesday morning was... a learning experience. Good thing, since that's what I'm paying him for, right? But I meant in more ways than one. Coach kicked my ass from one end of the crease to the other, and he wasn't even demanding much of me. I think I didn't eat enough (or the right things) before the lesson, because I was weak and exhausted, gasping, halfway through. I just pressed on though, determined not to make a fool of myself on the first day. Actually I'm not sure I didn't make a fool of myself.... but that's neither here nor there. I'm still halfway convinced he was laughing at me inside his head. But he did show me a few things that I didn't realize I'd been doing wrong that I picked up on right away. I did ask to stop twice for water and a breather, feeling my face so hot and flushed that it was tingling. Strangely, it took about an hour and a half after I was done with my lesson for my color to go back to normal and my skin not to feel burning hot to the touch. I suspect that should have indicated I wasn't 100% healthy to start with.

Burning cheeks and leg muscles aside, I was back in the crease 15 hours later for the opening game of the fall season. We lost, 6-5, and I felt no ill effects from my early morning workout. In fact, I noticed twice that I did something my coach had taught me, without thinking about it. That had been my biggest concern. I have to re-wire my brain and overcome a year's worth of muscle memory in order to recover with the correct leg after a save. What's interesting, he said, is most kids (that's what he said... "most kids"...) have a dominant side- they'll get up on the wrong leg on one side, but not on the other. Oh, not me. I get up on the wrong leg on BOTH sides. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. What I caught myself doing during the lesson though, was thinking it through... and when I started to get up on the wrong leg I'd correct and go for the other leg- losing valuable fractions of seconds in terms of making a save. So I asked him how to combat that, since I had a game that night. He said not to think- just play my game. He said practice is the time for thinking. Games are the time for just getting in your zone and playing. I took that to heart and thankfully was able to get my game face on no problem. It's just too bad that 2 of the goals that went by me were pretty much my fault, and 1 was the ref's fault for not waving it off for the guy who had me immobilized with his stick across my chest.

I was dying to get to open hockey Friday night and keep testing out some of the things I was taught, but I ended up sick as a dog by Thursday evening. And here I still sit, surrounded by piles of tissues and a nose to put Rudolph to shame. I want nothing more than to play tomorrow night in our 2nd game. But if I'm not feeling well I won't do that to my team; I'll ask the league to find me a sub for that night. But I've got a hot toddy with my name on it, and if my mom's nutty friend is any proof, that'll do the trick and tomorrow I'll wake up feeling better.

Making it official

The NHL season has started, and our fall league starts this week, and I couldn't be more relieved. I actually felt incredibly out of sorts in the last two weeks when my "normal" schedule was turned upside down. Now I'll get back into the rhythm of league games and open hockey, and watching the pros on TV. The lack of clinics scheduled by the rink won't be a problem for me personally, because I've found something better suited to my needs anyway.

I finally got in touch with the goalie instructor I mentioned a while ago, and am signed up for 4 weekly lessons. I requested private lessons, because of my experience with the last guy. (I told him I was a raw beginner, but I ended up in a lesson with a few other guys who were light years ahead of me, and felt that I brought the lesson down too much). The kicker is, the lessons are going to be on weekday mornings, from 6:30 - 7:30. Good lord. But it's just for one month, and hopefully having games later the same night won't be so bad because they're late enough that I have time to take a nap after work.

But I'm nervous. So far all the people I've encountered in teaching roles in hockey have been great. But what if this guy is a jerk? What if he takes a look at me once I get on the ice and thinks "oh my god, where do I even start?". I need so much help on so many things that I couldn't even identify what my weakest area is. Fundamentals. I think I need to learn the technical fundamentals and build on that. Because I really have no idea what I'm doing. I just know that I need to get better and I hope this will help. I read a lot and watch a lot and talk to other goalies, but nothing can take the place of personal, in-person instruction on the ice. It's pricey, but I look at it this way: my hockey is like my gym membership, my shrink, and my social time all rolled into one. A lot of people spend a lot more on all those things combined than I do on hockey. I have a hard time allowing myself to believe I deserve to spend this money on myself, so I have to keep reinforcing that. Hopefully I'll see a benefit from these lessons and it will be easy to justify to myself.

Congratulations, dick

I may have made a rule about not posting after a bad game, but there's no rule about not ranting about some asshole at an open hockey session. Make that two assholes. Mark my words, I will never play open hockey at this rink again on a Friday or Saturday night. I love the weekday morning group- I wish my work schedule allowed me to play with them regularly. But the guys who come out on weekend nights? Forget it.

There were several cool guys there tonight, don't get me wrong. But it only took the two dickheads that were there to ruin it for me. Remember open hockey Rule #241? Don't Show Up the Goalie? Yeah, apparently they haven't heard about it. These guys were really, really good. Some of the best stickhandling I've ever seen. Unfortunately they took it upon themselves to play cat-and-mouse games and toy with me. They'd come in on a breakaway and deke me out of my pants. Congratulations, dick. You've been playing hockey your whole life and you scored on a goalie who's been on ice for five months. Hope you feel like a real big man. They also did the same thing that Steve did that first night he showed up that pissed me off so much; they'd skate up and just stop in front of me. A poke-check was pointless, because they were an awful lot quicker with their sticks than I was. Of course it didn't stop me from trying- I'm not going to just give up. When I got fed up I called the other goalie off the bench (there were three tonight, so there was always one extra on the bench) and sat and steamed for a bit. When it came time to get back on the ice, I went to the other net so I didn't have to deal with them shooting on me anymore. One of them left at that point. Coincidence? Probably. But you know me, Paranoid Patty. "He's leaving because he doesn't want to play on the same side as me".

I was apprehensive all day about playing at this rink on this night. Looks like I had reason to be. I can't wait for the fall season of our league to start, and for the other rink to finish repairing the ice, because I sure as hell won't set skate on this rink on a Friday or Saturday night ever again. I don't need to come home feeling lower than worm poop because some jackass needed to make himself feel important.

Thieves and liars

Ok "thieves" is probably pushing it. But someone stole my hockey from me, dammit, and this is the Ministry song I used to listen to when I got really mad. (Now that I'm older I listen to something a little calmer when angry.... something like Disturbed).

After last being on the ice on Monday, I was very much looking forward to some playing time tonight, even though it was an open hockey session that is usually not that well attended. (Normally I play on Friday nights but free Ranger pre-season tickets coaxed me away rather easily). Because nothing showed on the rink's schedule for this Saturday, I called to confirm on Thursday and was told that yes, there was adult open hockey scheduled. Fantastic!

Unfortunately, when we got there, the guy at the desk recognized us and shook his head and said "no open hockey tonight". Excuse me?!? I told him I'd called, and had emailed my friends saying the rink said it was on. I can't be mad at him, because he did offer us the ice for an hour or so after the public skating session was over. But since it was only my husband and I, I didn't feel right about just the two of us using the ice and making the zamboni guy wait for us.

And we got home and found out the Rangers lost 5-0. What a crappy Saturday night.

Summer Season Finals - Better late than never

In instituting a new rule for this blog, I've also unintentionally delayed my writing of this post. See, I decided that I would wait at least 24 hours after a disappointing game before writing about it. Lucky for you that I did that, or you'd have been subjected to an introspective and moody post on Tuesday morning. Part of my melancholy may have been brought on by the fact that I had very little sleep after drinking quite a bit of beer, but that's neither here nor there.

The Hawks went into the league finals pumped up and determined to win, but it was not to be. The final score of 5-1 doesn't reflect the offense's efforts; the other team's goalie was hot that night. I've analyzed the 5 goals scored against us and found myself wanting on several of them, but I won't bore you with the details (even though this is a goalie blog). A few of my friends came to my aid and lifted my spirits when I was really down in the dumps on Tuesday morning though and I've left the gloominess behind.

What lingers is a nice warm fuzzy feeling, not unlike what one might experience after having a beer or two in the arena parking lot at 1 a.m. Our team had excellent chemistry, both on and off the ice. It's unfortunate that we'll be losing several players- some for financial reasons, but others because of a much-needed levelling of the playing field across the board in the league. I'm hoping those who can't join us this fall because of funds will be able to come back in the spring. Because it might be after that season that we get to move up to the D level.... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

By the time our game was over and everyone was changed (and we suffered through- I mean smiled graciously for- our team picture), we meandered out into the parking lot probably by 11:30. Several people had brought libations for the occasion, and we all stood around in the cool evening, rehashing events of the season. We were soon joined by the rival goalie and some of his teammates, who we welcomed with open arms (and open beer bottles). Even later, when most of us were still standing there, we were joined by members of the teams that had played the game after ours. By the time the rink manager shut all the lights off at 2 a.m., there were only three of us remaining. It was an awesome end to an awesome season: 7-3-1 in all, and one that I think I'll remember for a long time.

The "Captain" (so designated by the coach who was behind our bench the most, who we'd been calling by the wrong name all season) printed out a copy of the team picture, complete with names, and gave it to my husband and I as a keepsake. Everyone looks pretty happy, despite having just lost by 4 goals. That, folks, is an indicator of a good bunch of people.

Unfortunately, some chick with wildly messed up spiky hair, red cheeks, and fire in her eyes kinda ruins the picture. Oh yeah. That's just the goalie...

No ice time, no hockey make Maalivahti something something....

"Go crazy?"

"Don't mind if I do!!! BLAHHH LAHH LAH!!! BLAHAAAA!!!"

(This Simpsons moment brought to you by.... Choc Full O' Nuts Coffee)

But seriously. I've had the wind taken out of my sails big time with the realization that my crazy 3-to-4 hockey sessions a week are coming to a screeching halt. With the beginning of competitive school and intramural seasons, and traveling teams, ice time is at a premium and it's adult open hockey that suffers. I suppose I shouldn't begrudge the up and coming hockey stars their ice time, but dammit, when you're used to so much a week and it's suddenly cut into less than half... it takes a bit of getting used to.

Tomorrow night is our last game of the summer season. After that it's two or three weeks before the fall season starts. Which leaves me with ONE night a week of hockey (Friday night open hockey at "the other rink"). Our Thursday lessons are cut, as is the butt-crack-of-dawn Sunday morning open hockey, which I relished.

If this had coincided with the beginning of the NHL hockey season, that would be one thing. But by the time opening night comes around, our fall season will be starting up again, which will bring me back up to 2 nights a week of hockey, at least. Better than nothing. That weekday morning group is looking more and more tempting. I'm pretty sure I could get away with coming in to work late once a week, especially if I make up the time. I just have to find a way to get my email address to the guy who organizes the goalies...

But that's all in the future at the moment. What deserves my concentration right now is the game I'll be playing in just about 24 hours. The championship game. Who'd of thunk it, in our 2nd season playing on ice, that this is where we'd be. The beer has already been purchased for the post-game parking lot celebration. Because even if we don't come out on top, we still have a great season to celebrate.

Bring it on.

Required reading

I am a Ranger fan. Have been since I was 13, and will be even if I move to some other place. But I am also a goalie fan(atic), so when Martin Brodeur's book came out, I knew I had to read it. I just didn't want to buy it with my money, so my mom gave it to me for Christmas. I enjoyed the book for the most part, putting away my bias and taking it at face value. But even so, "Marty's" inflated ego kept getting in the way. I give him a lot of credit for the success he's achieved, and recognize that he is one of the best in the world at what he does. I also laud him for negotiating his own contracts, and for taking less money so that the team can afford better players to surround him with. But really, I don't need to be reminded of how great he is for those reasons over and over and over and over again. I also found his constant jibes at the Rangers to be very amusing, and good evidence that we're/they're in his head, big time. He actually penned the words "I hate the Rangers". Does he not realize how much a victory that is for Ranger fans?

But aside from that, I did enjoy the inside look at the goings-on of the league, particularly during the lockout. I also learned something. Yes, this is something my husband and friends have been trying to drill into my head for months, but I guess it takes a guy with 3 Vezinas to bring it home. And that lesson is...

"My mindset has always been to take responsibility for my game and my teammates, but at the same time I have to put my part of the game in perspective. I've always found it interesting that fans will blame a goalie for a certain goal, but if a shooter fans on an open net, that's not viewed as a similarly serious error. That's how I overcome bad goals. I realize I can't put it all on my shoulders. If possible, I want to put myself in a position where I can make the save that makes the difference, because I'm not going to stop them all. The worst thing I can ever do is start doubting myself, or stop believing in what I'm doing. Even in the worst circumstances, I try not to do that."

Ok, you can all stop with the "I told you so's". And to lighten the mood a bit, here is a passage that I found especially amusing. This is in reference to Game 1 of the 2006 playoffs against the Rangers, when toward the end of a 6-1 rout of the Blueshirts, Madden got a hat trick. Devils fans threw hats on the ice, as per tradition, but angry Ranger fans threw the plastic giveaways the arena had given out at the beginning of the game. (Don't tell me no Devils fans at all were throwing them either... come on). Marty's kids were sitting behind his net, and apparently were throwing a lot of the cast-off giveaways that didn't make it to the ice.

"When I saw the boys doing this, it really ticked me off. I skated out of my net and smashed my stick as hard as I could against the end glass, motioning for them to sit down. Jeremy left his seat a few minutes later and found Gen. "I think Daddy is really mad at me," he told her. After the game, I sat down with the boys and told them why I was so mad. I explained to them that by doing what they had done, they were basically acting like Rangers fans. [oh puh-leeeze] "Daddy's working out there," I told them. "And when Daddy's working, he doesn't need to have to discipline his children." Just like any other father, I guess."

Someone please tell me there is footage of this floating around the internet somewhere. That might be almost as good as Norrena "cleaning" the glass in front of the goal judge's face.

So much for that idea

Well I played with the "fast guys" this morning, since I took the day off to get my tattoo. And I sucked. So much for the "I guess I play better in faster games" theory. I didn't get a warmup, and I'm sure that didn't help, but I'm not going to blame my entire crappy performance on that. There also weren't a lot of shots, which is odd for these games.

At one point when I came to the bench right after a goal, I was shaking my head and one of the guys said "don't worry, he's got a really hard shot". I agreed, but allowed that I was playing like crap today. He said not to worry about it, but said "If John scores on you, then you better put your gear up on eBay". I laughed and asked him to point John out to me. Wouldn't you know it, on my next shift John actually had a shot on me, which I stopped easily with my blocker. Good thing I didn't realize who it was until after I made the save. Otherwise I probably would have flubbed it and caught hell back on the bench.

I probably won't hit the ice again until Sunday morning (clinic). If I'm lucky I'll get out Saturday night, but I doubt it. Maybe the time off will give my mojo a chance to come back.

Summer Season Semifinal: Now I get it... we're a team!

I guess goalies can have an overdeveloped sense of self-importance. It's part of that whole "last line of defense" mentality. (Some goalies can have an ego the size of, say, New Jersey, but that's for another post). Without a doubt, the pressure is on and you're in the spotlight. There are times when a goalie can lose a game almost singlehandedly, or when he or she can steal a game the team had no right winning. But those times are rare. Thankfully, last night was not one of those times.

We went into our semifinal game with a full bench, if not fully awake; the game was at the ridiculously late time of 11:30 pm. At some point between the locker room and the bench though, the team woke up, as we were up 3-0 by the middle of the first period. Most of the play was in our opponents' zone. And there, I think was my problem. After all was said and done, the Hawks won by a score of 10-6. Definitely not one of my better performances. I was sloppy and unfocused. For the amount of time the opponent spent in our zone (hardly any) there is no way they should have had 6 goals. (Nevermind that 5 of those 6 were scored by one player, clearly a ringer). I think I actually play better when I play up a level. Maybe I had too much time to think. But I was nowhere near as quick on my feet or with my reactions last night as I was when I played open hockey with the scary good guys. Maybe I needed more adrenaline, more action in my own zone.

But I'm not going to complain, because that's part of being a team. I had a mediocre performance, and the rest of the team picked up the slack and kicked ass. Two of our players got their first goals ever, and the win brought us up against a great opponent for the championship. I love to play this team. I have a bit of a competition with their goalie, since he started around the same time as I did. He's been skating out since he was god knows how old, but he's only been in the net as long as I have been on ice. And the rest of the team is well matched for our team and we always play them very well. It should be a great game. I'm looking forward to it, for sure. No problem focusing for that one!

See, I told you there's no moping in hockey

It's interesting how different open hockey is at different rinks. Mind you, I'm basing this assessment on the incredibly large sample of two, count 'em, two rinks I've played open hockey on, but it seems to be the general rule, judging by other peoples experiences as well. This morning I played at the rink where my league games are. I hadn't been playing open hockey there because the few times I did go (at night), I didn't like the general atmosphere. I'm fine with everyone being scary good. It's the attitude I didn't like. But, because of the holiday, some of the Hawks and I were able to take advantage of the rink's usual Monday morning game. Evidently there is a group of guys who have been playing there on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings for some time. In addition to them, there were a handful of other people no doubt there because of the weekday off, and us.

It was a very fast, very exciting, yet basically friendly game. It was a little more physical than I'm used to but it wasn't chippy, and it lacked the attitude that the Friday and Saturday night games can take on. It was great to see that the Hawks really held their own, myself included. In fact I think I played very well. I was in the zone, I was pumped, and I was making lots of saves. I was so jacked up that I could have played for another hour when the buzzer sounded.

What really had me walking on air was a conversation I had with one of the regulars on the bench. During one of my rotations off the ice, he asked me when else I usually played, and mentioned that his group could really use me during their morning games. Since I have to be at work at 8:30, it's not practical for me to come all the time, but I certainly could swing a late morning once in a while, and make up the time at the end of the day. Especially if I know it's a good group to play with. It's probably not that big a deal, but the fact that I know these guys were complimenting me on the bench, and that he asked me to join them, made me feel really good. Any goalie is better than no goalie at open hockey, so I'm not getting too carried away, but it does feel nice to be invited to play somewhere. Since we have a ridiculously long layover between our last game and our next game (not until Sept 17th!) I may take him up on the offer, at least this week.

I keep waiting for someone to pinch me and wake me up from this dream I'm having. I seriously feel guilty for having this much fun. Not only have I discovered something I love doing, but it's something my husband loves as well, so we're free to indulge ourselves as much as we want, without feeling like we're neglecting the other. It's an expensive hobby, but we manage to afford it. We don't have kids, so being out of the house several nights a week is no concern. And speaking of "the house", we rent, so we don't have the obligation to stay home and fix the bathroom, or paint the living room, or any of those homeowner related things that suck up funds and time. We do want to own a house at some point, but right now we're content with being able to play this much hockey, time and money wise. I'm sure our priorities will shift at some time in the future but right now I'm enjoying the ride.

And speaking of reading

Now that I've devoured my goalie magazines, I've moved on to Martin Brodeur's book. I'm reading it because a) he's a goalie, b) he's a very good goalie, and c) he definitely has a "personality" that I think would make for good reading.

So much for that one. I'm on page 4 of the book and already I'm rolling my eyes at how full of himself he is. But I just have to chuckle and keep reading, because that is definitely part of his personality. I really am looking forward to reading the rest of it, because I hear it's a bit of a different take than your typical written-by-a-player book. Plus my friends said it was great. But they're Devils fans so of course they would say that. Maybe I'll just have to keep a Ranger jersey on whenever I read it.

There's no moping in hockey

After the past few games and open hockey sessions I was feeling pretty good about myself. Our first playoff game of the summer season was on Monday night, and we faced a team that had tripped, checked and slashed their way to an ugly 5-2 victory over us in our last meeting. One of those goals was a particularly good display of poor sportsmanship; it was an empty-netter, and the shooter stopped in front of the net and took the time to turn around and look at the clock before turning back and slamming it home as if a hard wrister was necessary at that point. So, I can't speak for the whole team but I know several of us were a bit apprehensive, especially since we were going to be short quite a few guys (and one gal).

But somehow we pulled a win out of our asses, and at the final buzzer when the scoreboard read 6-4 in our favor, I felt relief and pride. It didn't really sink in until the next day, but I spent a decent amount of time pretty pleased with myself for playing so well in my last few outings.

Then came last night. Open hockey at the "other" rink, with a pretty light crowd (which translates to some very tired skaters, when there is only one sub on each bench). On a good night there, I am still the worst goalie they have. These guys are way above my skill level and I just do my best. But tonight I had an off night, and it's nowhere more obvious than at that rink. I've gotten pretty good at just shaking off bad goals and plowing through, especially there where there are bound to be so many, but last night they kind of got to me. I think part of that might have been because the two other goalies there were exceptionally good (one I'd never seen before, who turned out to be the rink manager, and one I hadn't seen in a while). The other part might be due to the fact that I caught one guy going easy on me. Whenever I play there I'm horrendous for the first 20 minutes, until I adjust to the speed of their shots. Then I'm just marginally bad. *wink* It was in this adjustment period that I noticed one guy in particular taking real easy shots at me.

During a break, I mentioned it to Goalie Husband and asked what I should do. I could tell the guy wasn't being an ass about it, he was trying to be nice and not break rule #241, but I hated it just the same. Goalie Husband said I should mention it to him. When I said I wasn't sure, he said he'd talk to him for me. In retrospect, I think I should have done it myself. As far as I know, there were no hard feelings, and the guy denied that's what he'd been doing anyway. And I'm sure Goalie Husband approached it in a lighthearted manner. But I think I need to handle my own issues, not have someone be my messenger. (Unless someone's messing with me in the crease. Then I'm happy to have someone 50-75lbs heavier do my dirty work for me, since nothing I can mete out amounts to much).

And then there was the comment in the locker room afterwards. I wasn't there, since I change in a different room for open hockey, but Spidey relayed later that one of the skaters said to him "Your buddy's wife... she makes all these saves she has no business making, and then these real easy ones trickle past her". Yep. That'd be the dreaded 5-hole, which reared it's ugly head last night. Maybe I was tired. Maybe the fact that my right skate kept blowing out on me had something to do with it. But none of that matters because those things could happen in a game and I have to play through them. So what's this about saves I have no business making? Am I just lucky? Or do I maybe know what I'm doing? If I know what I'm doing, why do the easy ones get past me? Saves I have no business making.... ouch. I don't think he meant it the way it sounds... because I did make some saves that were pretty surprising, especially given the saves I didn't make. But it still gives me pause. And more ammunition to just keep getting better.

Goalie magazines rule, too

Finally, after five days off, I got to play today. Unfortunately, I didn't approach this morning's open hockey session with my usual gusto, though I did learn something important. When team mates visit Toronto, they bring back a big box of Tim Horton's doughnuts. Ok... that's not what I really meant, but it's pretty important.

As I mentioned in my last post, I'd just received a few goalie magazines in the mail, which kept my brain in the net this week if not my body. I'm not sure why, but I got two issues of The Goalie News within a few days of each other; one of which is the current issue (featuring Chris Mason) and the other the issue that came out right after the draft (featuring J.S. Giguere). I'm not sure why I didn't get the draft issue when it came out, but the important thing is that I got it. Because as much as I loved the feature article on Giggy (who seems like a really all-around great guy in addition to being a force in net), the technical article on lateral movement made a light bulb go off in my brain.

When I took that lesson with Goalie Coach Dude, we concentrated on very basic things like t-pushes and shuffles; both of which are used for moving laterally while standing. But this article focused on a few different techniques for lateral movement while you're already down in your butterfly. And it hit me suddenly- I have no idea how I move laterally, if at all, while I'm down on the ice. I decided today would be a good time to pay attention to that, at the very least, before trying to implement the things the article talked about.

And whaddya know... I counted at least three goals that got past me because I actually don't move laterally while in the down position. I kind of dive or throw my leg out as far as I can. I think that comes from learning on roller first; where you really can't slide laterally on your pads. This opens up a whole new level of the game for me, but I feel like I need to take it slow. I think I need to practice these maneuvers on my own first, before trying to use them in a game. I tried a few times today and couldn't get enough edge on my skate to push off, or enough power in my legs. I'm not sure which, but I'll figure it out.

I'm not sure there could be anything more boring to a non-goalie-freak than pondering the differences and benefits of knee shuffles, butterfly slides and (my personal immature favorite) backside pushes. But my mind has been mulling over them for days, and I actually feel kind of dumb for not realizing this sooner. But I'll just blame the roller. That sounds good, right? As I learned firsthand after going back to roller after several games of ice, you just don't slide on concrete. Not even a little bit.

By the way, the Hawks' first playoff game of the summer season is tomorrow night. WOOO HOOO. I'm glad I got the cobwebs out this morning. Bring it on!

No hockey until Sunday?!

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep up this schedule, 4 days a week of some kind of hockey. But I have an enforced hiatus this week. Last night I got a tattoo on my upper back, something I've been planning for and looking forward to for months. But it's a really big piece (from shoulder blade to shoulder blade) and the tattooist said I shouldn't play until Sunday. I asked him about Saturday night, since I had planned to work on those shots that seem to elude me, and he reluctantly gave in, but I'm thinking I should go with his gut and wait until Sunday morning. It's only 8 more hours, I don't think it will kill me.

Fortunately, when I got home from the studio, there were two goalie magazines waiting in my mailbox. Added to the one I got earlier this week, and haven't read yet because I was saving it for today, that's THREE goalie magazines to keep me occupied during my recuperation. The best part is, two of them feature two of my favorite goalies: Cam Ward, and Chris Mason. (The other features Leland Irving, who I know none of you have ever heard of, but he was drafted by the Flames last year and plays in the WHL right now. He's also something of a human interest story, having beaten cancer as a kid and gone on to where he is now).

Viva la gardiens les buts! (or something like that. huh huh huh... you said "butt")

Summer Season Game 8 - Meh

We won tonight, our last "regular season" game, by a score of 11-6. I continue to be perplexed by how I can have that many goals against and people still say I had a good game. People on the other team, even. One of whom stopped me in the hall after everyone had changed and was leaving the rink, and congratulated me on a great game. Hmmmm... that made me feel great, as did some of the saves I made, but six goals? Come on. That's a lot even by our league's standards.

My self-assessment of the goals is that most of them were decent ones. Two were pretty bad... the first one the worst. I went out to play the puck, and I reached it, and got it on my stick (hey so far a lot better than usual!!!) and instead of winging it back around behind the net, pushed it off to the boards for a teammate coming down the wing, and it got snagged by an opponent who tossed it right into the empty net. Stupid, stupid, stupid. When will I learn??? Another was in the second period, when one of our smaller defensemen was suddenly sprawled on the ice, underneath a much larger opposing forward. In the split second that I delayed following the puck because I thought he was hurt, the shooter was able to set up a shot before I got square to him and he had his pick of the net.

I have to figure out a way to keep myself from panicking the minute the puck gets near me and I have to play it. Because it's really costing my team and after 2 seasons (and countless seasons watched on TV) you'd think I'd have a clue where to throw the damn thing. I think I'm going to go to a notoriously empty open hockey session this week and have Goalie Husband and another of our teammates work with me on that. They offered... I ought to take the opportunity. I'll hate it, but it will help. Heck, I can't do much worse!

Sometimes I wish I had a helmet-cam

Today was definitely one of those days. Open hockey this morning looked at first like it was going to be a bust; three skaters, and TWO goalies. When does that ever happen? But we eventually had enough people for a 4-on-3 (or sometimes 3-on-3, whenever someone on the white team got a clue and realized they had an extra guy on, and someone would sit). It ended up being quite a good game, and I played pretty well despite not being at my best due to some left over grogginess from a tad bit o' wine the night before. With about ten minutes to go, two of the skaters left, and the other goalie decided he'd even the "teams" out by skating out. In his full gear. So for the last ten minutes we played 3-on-3 on half the ice... and I've never seen anything more surreal than facing a shot fired by a goaltender at the top of the circles. Or a goal-mouth scrum, where I desperately tried to freeze the puck while another goalie was trying to poke it in past my foot. I thought maybe I was still in bed, dreaming chardonnay-induced dreams.

And speaking of helmets... I debuted the new mask I bought yesterday. It dawned on me not too long ago that the reason I had such trouble seeing the puck at my feet was because my mask was too small. When I bought my mask, I tried a senior size on, and when it was gargantuan, I didn't even try to shorten the straps enough to make it fit; I just figured it wouldn't. Even a junior mask took a little tweaking to get the right fit. But apparently, it never did have the right fit. It sat too high on my head, which caused the chin portion to block my vision when I looked down. I just assumed that's how it was supposed to be, until I was reading about how a mask should fit, and realized that the cage was nowhere near where it was supposed to be on my face; and I put two and two together and realized I had the wrong size.

So, yesterday I ended up going to a hockey shop, and after some help from one of the staff, got a regular senior size mask to fit me. And what a difference. In warmups, one of the players shot pucks at and around my feet, and I saw them 90% better than I had before. Not only was the line of vision greatly improved while looking down, the cat-eye cage allowed for much a much better view of the game overall. I still haven't got the chin cup quite right, but a little more finagling should get it to where it needs to be.

Oh yeah, and because I no longer have to think about the effect standing in the sun will have on me, I went for a black mask this time. It's cool and imposing... but the one bad thing about it is that it won't show the puck marks from when I take shots to the head. That was pretty cool; shiny new gear is nice, but gear covered in puck marks proves you're doing your job.

Summer Season Game 7 - Leaping the Plateau

Something changed this weekend. Much like when I first set out on this journey and skated around the park at dawn in the freezing cold until I found my center of gravity, something intangible clicked and I feel I've kicked into the next gear. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what has changed, but I know it has something to do with two "a-ha!" moments late last week.

On Thursday night, I went to the skills clinic at our rink, and that night it happened to be run by one of the guys who is really helpful and attentive, and creative with the drills he runs us through. The first part of the clinic is always skating drills, which I hate. And precisely because I hate them, I know that means I need them. I've gotten over the mildly embarrassing feeling of being the last one (by the length of half a rink at least) trundling through the drill; I'm a goalie, and everyone knows goalies can't skate. But that's why I'm there, right? "Coach" had us working on tight turns, and changing direction quickly. Until that night I'd been guilty of the former-roller-hockey-playing style of turning; wide loopy turns. But for some reason the whole concept of inside and outside edges, and keeping yourself low finally clicked for me, and I was doing a pretty decent job. Do I need to be able to make tight turns? Probably not. But anything that improves my skating will improve my game overall.

Then on Friday night, Goalie Husband and I went to the "other" rink for open hockey. This group of guys is highly skilled, but unlike the open sessions at "our" rink, the attitude is 100% better. There are actually a lot of college-aged guys there, which at first gave me pause, but they're laid back and not hot-dogging all over the place. By no means are they lazy, and their stickhandling and shooting are light years beyond my skill level, but they don't play with the "I'm going to totally school you" attitude you sometimes get from people that age.... and older. I think playing with those guys has really improved my game, but what I noticed this time out was one of the other goalies. I'd been watching him the last few times we played there, since I get 10 minutes on the bench at a time, due to the at least 3 goalies per session. But this time something just fell into place in my brain. I'd been admiring how fluid he was, how economical he was with his movements; i.e., everything he did had a purpose. I can't even tell you what it was, but I guess I picked up on something subconsciously, because on my next shift I kept that image in my head and I played much better. And when I played on Sunday morning, I was still in that zone.

So it was that my confidence yesterday was very high, and I was really looking forward to our game last night. We were playing against a team that we were very well matched with, and when we'd played them in the playoffs last season it was a close and exciting game. We weren't disappointed last night; they were a great opponent, but we jumped out with a 3-0 lead by the beginning of the 2nd period. I was firmly entrenched in my zone and came up with some really good saves. After one especially good one, and another good one on the shot that came off the pass from the rebound, I heard someone off to my right mutter "wow". I got a beaming grin from one of my teammates as we were setting up for the faceoff and a word of congrats from the ref. So I was really doing well.

But it wasn't just me- as a team, we played one of our best games, especially defensively. The D was on last night; everyone's game is improving, and I think people are benefitting from staying with the same partner for the last few games. Unfortunately, I blew my shutout bid halfway into the 3rd period on a disgustingly easy shot that I should have stopped. It was disappointing, but the team was doing so well, and so was I, that I managed to stay focused. But in the last two or so minutes, they scored twice more, which really frustrated me, because I didn't feel the final score of 4-3 reflected the game we played at all. One was a bounce off the crossbar, and the last one was a real killer; with their goalie pulled they had an extra attacker, and the puck literally crossed the line a few tenths of a second before the buzzer sounded. I don't even remember how that one developed. I had worked so hard throughout the whole game, that that one really upset me. I'm sure at some point later it will come back to me how it happened, but it doesn't really matter now.

What I'm really excited about is that we got our 4th (I think?) win, are doing great in the standings, and all of us have improved quite a bit over the last few weeks. And I am getting closer to figuring out what it is that is all of a sudden working for me... so I can keep doing it. I think it has to do with skating and focus on how I move in the crease. I won't bore you with the details, but it's starting to get clearer. I won't play again until Friday night (I'll probably do clinic again on Thursday, but that doesn't really count) and it seems so far away. I can't wait to get back out there.

Me? A role model?

For some time #14 has been telling me about his 8 year old niece, Kelly, who is is evidently very intrigued by the "girl goalie" who plays on his hockey team. A few times he's mentioned that she might come watch us when we were playing outside on Sunday mornings, but it never came to be. I've become curious about this little girl who by #14's account could do with a "positive female role model", and though I had the chance to meet her on Tuesday night, I unfortunately didn't get the chance to talk to her in person.

Tuesday night was another "matinee" game, and #14 said she'd be there with his parents, and he asked if I could go say hello to her before the game. I told him absolutely I would do that, but I feel bad that things didn't turn out that way. I was at the rink early as always- even earlier this time because I needed my skates sharpened. But when Kelly arrived I was probably already in the locker room, my mind occupied by the fact that Goalie Husband wasn't there yet, and worried that he might have overslept. By the time he arrived and I was reassured, #14 realized he'd forgotten his helmet, and went in search of one, and I'd forgotten to ask him to introduce me to Kelly. So it was that I didn't remember until we hit the ice for warm-up, and I saw a young girl at the end of the stands between two adults, the adults pointing in my direction and talking to her. I wanted to skate over and wave, but they were on the other team's side of the ice and though it wouldn't have been a crime if I skated over there, I would have felt odd intruding on "their" space. Besides, I was starting to get into my goalie-mind and wanted to take some warm-up shots. When we switched sides between periods though, I made an effort to skate over to where she was sitting and wave at her and tap my stick on the glass. She waved back, a little timidly. Naturally, they were gone by the time we finished changing after the game. But I hope she enjoyed watching and if she comes out again I will make a concerted effort to go say hi (and maybe recruit another member to the Union mwah ha ha ha).

And speaking of kids, I had a midly amusing experience when I went to the rink last night for a clinic. The group that was using the ice before us was a large group of kids, ranging in ages from pretty young (probably 7-ish) to pre-teen. Since we were on the rink with no "womens locker room", I had to change on the other side and walk through the lobby and into the rink area in full gear (including mask). Just as I was coming into the rink, the kids and their parents were pouring out, lugging bags of gear behind them. One of the younger kids' dads pointed to me and said "Look, this guy's a real goalie." He said hi to me, so I gave him the goalie nod, said "Hey, how ya doin' ", and grinned at him. As they walked away, the dad said, loud enough for me to hear, "Maybe when you grow up you can be a goalie like her". Just then, a precocious little kid looked up at me and said "Hey, where were you, we needed a goalie!" I didn't even know how to respond to that, but I'm sure it wouldn't have done much for my confidence to have a bunch of 10 year olds scoring on me at will. Wouldn't that have been a sight; the big awkward goalie facing skaters a third of her size zipping around like those mosquitos that "walk" on top of water. Actually, I think I'd have a blast.

Summer Season Game 5 - Net Envy

I left for vacation knowing that a pretty good goalie would be taking my spot on Tuesday night, and I was all worked up about my goals-against so far; in the 4 games I'd played, I'd let in 5, 5, 4, and 4. I was starting to get very distressed about letting in so many, especially since there seemed to be at least one cringe-worthy stinker in each game. So when I heard who my sub was going to be, I admit I sulked a bit.

I knew somehow that the score of that game would be 8-2. Call it goalie intuition, or just a lucky guess. But I fretted that my team would be relieved to know they didn't have to go into the game knowing they had to get at least 4 goals to break even, maybe more. I worried that they'd get a taste of some good goaltending from a guy who can actually play the puck (and does it extremely well). So when I got the text message late that night, that we'd won 8-2, I was very happy for my team, but I had a hard time knowing that the sub had let in half of my lowest amount that season.

I needn't have worried. (I know, that's obvious, but I was a little off emotionally). It turns out Super Sub faced probably 8-10 shots, and that made me feel a lot better. It also sounded like the guys (and gals) got back to the teamwork that made us successful in our first two games. And logically, I knew the sub was never going to take my place, but I had a little jealous monster in the back of my head stomping its foot and whining "but that's my net!!!".

Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes from Miracle. After an embarrassing loss to the Soviets in an exhibition game, by a score of I believe 10-2, Herb Brooks told starting goalie Jim Craig that the backup would be playing the next game. Jim Craig argued back and said "you can't do that. That's my net!" The venerable Herb Brooks looked at him and said... "They just scored 10 goals, Jimmy. It's anybody's net."

Summer Season Game 6 - Victory in Defeat

It's late, and I've just come home from an 8-5 loss. Given my previous insecurities about my goals-against, you'd think I'd be off moping in a corner somewhere. But instead I'm bouncing off the walls. I drove home with a big grin on my face as I replayed the game in my head. Yes, we lost. But we lost to a team that until tonight had only had 5 goals scored against them all season. We lost to a team that was well-matched to ours, and it was a very good game. The score doesn't reflect reality, as we had several bad bounces (and one major screwup on my part, but that was negated by a major screwup on the other goalie's part, so that makes me feel a little better).

But the gleaming gold cap in my toothy grin tonight was the save I made on the penalty shot late in the third period. At first, I thought I was the reason for the call. As an opponent skated in, I went out to poke the puck and we both fell. What I didn't see was one of our D hook him from behind. The ref made the call, gestured for a penalty shot, and skated past me and said "you have to stay in your crease until he touches the puck". I thought about that for a minute and as the other team was choosing their shooter, I skated over to the ref to plead my case- the other goalie had come all the way out to the blue line to play a puck (and got burned but that's besides the point). "I mean for the penalty shot. The call was for the hook from behind," he said. In the back of his mind he was probably thinking "settle down, Beavis".

I think the other team purposely didn't choose their best player for the shot, since they were already ahead 8-5 with just over a minute left. Regardless of who the shooter was, I'm proud of my save. I really waited him out, and at the last second when he tried to deke around me, I got my glove out just in time to completely rob him. Right now I can't think of a better sound than the thunder of my teammates' sticks against the boards after I made that save.

I can't wait for next week.

Summer Season Game 4 - The Non-review

This game probably fits under the category of "the less said, the better", but I want to chronicle all of them, so I have to say something. And I will say this- yes, it was an ugly loss (5-2 with an empty netter) and yes it was a TEAM loss (something I had drilled into my head in the locker room afterwards, probably deservingly), but I am frustrated with the fact that I keep making the same mistake over and over again. I think my problem might be overthinking things. I know from my own assessment and from other peoples' observations that I tend to go down too early, and I think in trying to correct that I'm forcing myself to stay up longer, which causes me to freeze for a split second. That split second would be better spent in initiating a drop, because before I know it the puck has gone past me- through the dreaded 5-hole.

My stance is naturally low and wide- this works well for a butterfly goalie, but is not a good tactic for someone who is going to stay standing longer. And I think therein lies the problem. Do I change my stance so that my legs are closer together while standing? But that will affect how quickly and how well I get into the butterfly. I think I should watch some game tapes from last season and see how King Henrik does it. After all, I have many of his tendencies. I never started out saying to myself "I want to pattern my play after Henrik Lundqvist", but it seems natural that the goalie I spend the most time watching would have the most influence on my own style.

As the Cool Old Guy pointed out this weekend, I play deep in my crease like he does. I was quick to add that I also have no ability to handle the puck- just like the King. He tends to drop early, as do I, and his stance is low and wide, as is mine. I feel like a total homer, but if you're going to emulate someone you could certainly do worse, right?

Old guys rule

This weekend my dad told me about some t-shirts he saw that said "Old Guys Rule" over the front pocket area, and on the back had clever slogans like "The older I get, the better I was" or "On permanent vacation". If I could make a hockey jersey with that phrase on it, and give it to someone, I'd give it to the guy I met this morning at open hockey.

"Our" rink has recently added a Sunday morning open hockey at 6:30 a.m. Since no one in their right mind would get up that early on a weekend to play open hockey, the only people that showed up were 6 other Hawks (besides me), and another goalie none of us had ever met before. He wrote "Harry" on the sign-in sheet, but introduced himself as "Mark", leading to some speculation that perhaps he was a Harry Potter fan.

Being the shy person that I am, I didn't talk to him at all in the locker room. (No one talked to anyone, it was much to early for banter). I didn't even talk to him much on the ice until our first break. With so few skaters, we played 3 on 3, which wore everyone out quite quickly. But during the first break he was kind of standing around, and so I broke the ice by asking how long he'd been playing. He looked to be in his 40's or 50's, so I figured it had been a while, but I wasn't prepared for the answer I got: 38 years. This guy has been playing hockey for longer than I've been alive. What was really interesting about him was because he'd played his best years and was trained so long ago, the butterfly is not in his arsenal of save tactics. In fact, he confessed that he couldn't even get into a butterfly if he tried. During the next "shift" I watched him more closely. He was deadly with a poke check; no one could even get close. And he used the flashy but rarely seen 2-pad-stack quite a bit as well. But not one butterfly. Not even a half a butterfly.

During the next several breaks, we talked shop. He'd probably hate to know this, but it was kind of like watching and talking to a relic. No one plays like that anymore; not that it's a bad way to play, but styles have changed. And since I didn't watch the goalies as closely when I was a teenager, it's only been since Roy revolutionized goaltending that I've really been paying attention, so I haven't seen a pure 100% standup goalie before. There are goalies in the NHL (Brodeur for example) who don't rely on the butterfly as much, but they do use it. Watching this guy was like looking back in time, and I was fascinated.


A lot of hybrid-style goalies look down on butterfly goalies. The style does have it's weaknesses, but so does any style. But Harry-Mark was supportive and encouraged me. He even said he liked that I was so strong in that style, that you had to play that way these days. He gave me a few pointers, suggested that I come out a little farther, and showed me the importance of staying low and keeping your stick on the ice. "You're on your way," he said. "You really have your angles down." Glee!!!

He gave me a lot to think about, and I think that had a negative effect on my game in that I was overthinking my responses to situations. But, as Goalie Husband pointed out, open hockey is the place to practice that stuff. Harry-Mark left about 15 minutes early, but when he left he said something like "I'll see you guys again", or something along those lines. It was obvious he was above our level, but he was helpful to other people besides just me, so it would be nice to have him around again.

Growing pains

I knew, as soon as I answered that insistent voice deep inside that demanded I get onto the ice, that I would have a hard decision to make at some point. I put it off as long as I could, but I think the time has come where I have to face the fact that I need to choose between roller hockey and ice hockey.

On Thursday night, I played outdoor roller hockey for the first time in about three weeks. I was really looking forward to it, because there are several people that play pretty much strictly roller, who I haven't seen in a while because I've been playing so much ice. When I first started playing ice, I said I would still play in our Sunday morning roller games, because I like the group and the atmosphere so much. And at that point, I either didn't play as much ice, or wasn't as comfortable on it, and switching back and forth posed no problem. But on Thursday night it became very clear to me that trying to do both will only hurt my game in both in the long run.

After three weeks away from wheels and cement, my body forgot the physics of the situation, and that wheels don't slide sideways across cement like a skate blade does on ice. I'd have a skater bearing down on me, and I would instinctively try to push my foot to the side- only, nothing would happen. Except for the puck going past me and into the net. Just moving around in the crease in general felt so awkward. It's interesting that I'd been thinking to myself even days before "I want to get to the point on ice where I'm as comfortable as I am on wheels". Well, I suppose I have gotten to that point without even realizing it. Because I felt like a fish out of water on Thursday.

A lot of our ice guys came out for the roller game, and though they had a bit of adjusting to do, by all accounts they really enjoyed it. Not so much for me. I face the very real possibility of getting hurt trying to do something I'd do on ice, on the pavement. The differences between roller and ice are so much more pronounced for a goalie.

So now I have to face the fact that I will probably be drifting away from the roller group. I hate that it's happening, but I feel like it has to be either one or the other for me. I will try another roller game and see how it goes, but I think this is not an uncommon decision to have to make. I was advised by several people on a hockey message board that going back and forth just doesn't work. At first I thought they were wrong- I wasn't having any problem with it! But now I have to grudgingly admit that they were right. I'll miss the guys at the outdoor rink. I'm sure I'll show up now and then, but it's certainly not going to be a weekly thing like it had been for me.