Ohhhh yeah, THIS is what it's supposed to be like

Glass of wine? Check.

Alternating live look-ins on Finnish goalies? Check. (Heeyyyyy Kari, I missed you!)

Lingering post-game after-glow? Check!

You know how when you're so entrenched in a situation, you can't see the reality? At least until you remove yourself from it and look back and go "what in the world was I thinking???" I had one of those moments last night. From the time I packed my gear until the time I was back at home in front of my computer, stinky but wide awake and unable to tear myself away from the love-fest on FB and twitter, I had one big long "a-ha!" moment. What was my big epiphany?

Hockey is supposed to be fun.

Is it frustrating sometimes? Sure. Do you have to deal with douchebaggery? Of course. But on the whole, you're supposed to look forward to going to the rink, be excited at the drop of the puck, and not want it to end. Well, mission accomplished. All week I looked forward to the debut of the cobbled-together Hawks and Cougars team (for now, called the Cougars, but we have some other lewd ideas about how to combine the names...), and it didn't disappoint. We scrapped and battled and came out with a 5-3 win.

There were some things about the game and the league that I am still absorbing. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. But in comparison to what games had been like before, it was wonderful. And I didn't realize how much I'd been suffocating in that other environment until last night. This is hard to express, because although some of my very best pals from the Hawks are with me on this new team, I've also left behind friends on the "old" team. I have nothing at all against the old team. It has nothing to do with them, it has to do with me. It has to do with me understanding where I belong and stubbornly refusing to face it for far too long. I miss the feel of the old team, but I know I'm where I'm supposed to be now. Due to the strange locker room situation that presents itself with this league, we females are missing out on quite a bit of team camaraderie, but what is lost in that regard is made up for on the ice. (Also, once it gets warm I'm sure we'll all be gathering outside for a few post-game refreshments and I'll get to know the other guys better.)

It's not just me being a gushy mushy chick. I touched base with a few of the guys and everyone seems to have the same feeling: one of excited optimism for the season. My twitter stream and 18-hour-long Facebook status commentary are proof of that.

I'll write more later about the two things that unsettled me most: the locker rooms and the weird uncontrolled abandon on the ice, but for now I'm just basking.