A little inspiration?

The one thing about not having Hawks games now is that my playing time has been cut in half. I'm not too thrilled about that, but that will change once the new season starts up for AIL. So I was pretty happy to be able to pick up an extra game last night, and it turned out to be a really great one. The Westchester C team had an ice slot to fill and asked our C team to play, but they already had a game on the schedule. I'm not sure how it all came about because I wasn't involved, but what ended up happening was that we cobbled together a team of D players and a few C players, some from previous years who aren't on this year's roster, and some die-hards who hopped into the car, fully dressed, after their game and zipped to the rink for a second round of hockey.

I was fully expecting to get my ass kicked, as was my buddy the Mayor, but I shouldn't have worried. We played a really solid game, and it was tons of fun. AND we won! Our rag-tag combination team beat their C team! We won 4-3, and I feel I had a pretty good game. All three goals were mistakes on my part, but fortunately they were forgiven by the goals on the other end. (Two of them, I was too deep in the crease and would have had if I was out a little farther. The other was a misguided poke-check. I thought I was making the right play, but it bounced from the girl I poked it away from right to another girl waiting at the top of the slot. Stupid.) Also fortunately, I redeemed myself with lots of really good saves, including one rather nifty glove save through a partial screen with less than a minute to go, to keep the lead intact. So what was the secret to my good game? I'm pretty sure the increasingly giddy and ridiculous conversation I had with hkygrl12 as we were getting suited up had a lot to do with it.

As I think I've mentioned before, hkygrl12 used to play for the C team but this year is coaching us. She joined us on the ice last night though, as part of the combination team we put together for the game. We sat across from each other in the locker room, and when she proudly showed me her new Bruins t-shirt, I remembered that GoalieHusband and I are going to a Devils/Bruins game next month, and mentioned it. What a coincidence, she's going to the same game. "You know," she said, "I know where the players come out after the game. We can hang out and wait and you can get Tuukka's autograph."

I may have spazzed out slightly, (may have?) and immediately started wondering aloud what in the world I could say to him that wasn't boring and didn't make me sound like a complete tool. "I should say something in Finnish," I said, "but what?"

Hkygrl12: Find out how to say 'milk crate' in Finnish!

Me (giggling): Yeah!!! And I'll just yell it at him.

Hkygrl12: Or you could draw one on yourself and ask him to sign it!

Me: Omg. I'll just bring one with me!!! That would be hilarious!

And so on, our ideas getting sillier and our peals of laughter getting louder. I'm quite sure the other players around us thought we were nuts. One of them even said "hey go easy on the goalie, don't kill her before the game".  No worries, I had Tuukka-power on my side. I'm going to have to get that giddy before every game, apparently.

Now, to figure out how to get a milk crate into the Rock....

Closure

I think Senator said it best when, the morning after our final Hawks game, he tweeted: "Closure is nice. It provides an opportunity to fully put a thing behind you instead of simply talking about it." He and "Cap" are the other two players who are making the move to the instructional league. It's something all three of us have been considering for a long time (as you know) and I think is really long overdue. So although it's sad to leave such a fantastic group of guys, I know at least for me this is the right decision. And it couldn't have been more completely confirmed than it was with our last game.

I knew it was going to be pretty bad, but I didn't really expect it to be as bad as it was. We lost 11-3, to a team we know from experience is sorely lacking in class. Individually, there are a few guys on that team who aren't too bad, but as a whole, I can't say enough how glad I am to have put that shit behind me. I personally did not have a very good game, but the whole feel of the experience was like a giant F U. The first period, they played possum and we went up 2-0. Then they "woke up" and put the full press on. By the third period we were down oh, I don't know, something like 8-3, and for the final 5 minutes or so they played as if their lives were on the line, just to rub in in our faces. I'm not really sure how necessary it is to set up 4 guys in front of the net when you're up by a score like that, but hey if that's what gets your rocks off, I'm glad I'm gone. They even made a big show of stopping to have a chat with friends on the glass, mid-game, and shooting the puck up at the ceiling to see if they could hit the lights.

I shouldn't be surprised. This is the team that had a big brawl amongst themselves in the final minute of a game in which we actually beat them. Classless to the end. And for that reason, I declined to go through the handshake line. When the other team is putting on a display like that, and actually laughing at your team on the ice, the completely farcical handshake at the end is insult to injury. I've gone through that line after some really chippy games, but that's hockey. This was just flat out mockery, and I had no desire to pretend to show respect.

I couldn't be happier to have that chapter behind me. I'm very much looking forward to the AIL season, and believe me, I'm not going in there thinking it's going to be a piece of cake. But some even competition would be a welcome change instead of the weekly shellacking I was taking in the "D" league. (Which continues to be a source of wry amusement for me. If that's a "D" league, I'm Patrick fucking Roy.) All I can say about that league is: good riddance. I'm sure there are plenty of guys in AIL who don't belong there either, but when the general level is more matched to your own, the few people who stand out aren't as much of an issue as when the general level is over your head to begin with. I'm sure I'll have nights when I come home grumbling and pissed off, but at least I'll have a chance here. A chance for it to be fun again. Because it hasn't  been, not for a very long time.

The Church of Hockey

"Back in the day", when we used to play roller hockey outside on an asphalt rink, we played a few times a week. But our biggest turnout and usually best games were always Sunday mornings. It was always kind of a thrill to arrive there, grumbling and sleepy-eyed, and gradually wake up as you put your gear on, sitting next to someone on the bench just as foggy and cranky as you were. And as more and more folks showed up, you'd start waking up a little bit, dicking around on the rink until most of the group was assembled... and by the end of it all, you'd played balls-out for a solid three hours. I have great memories of those days. (I'm a spoiled brat now and wouldn't go back, but it's fun to reminisce). A lot of us jokingly said those Sunday morning games were our "church". And on the rare days when it was neither too hot nor too cold, it certainly did feel divine.

Now, I still get to the rink grumbling and sleepy-eyed, but that's because our games are as late as 11:20pm. I don't know how they swing it, but the QCats manage to get some pretty prime ice times, Sunday evenings being the most common game time. This season we had a surprise Sunday morning game though, and it made me think of that year or so when Sunday morning was unquestionably devoted to hockey. And here I was, years later, with a different group in a different place, joking again about hockey being our religion. We played a team that our interaction with seems to be on the chippier side. That's putting it mildly, I guess, considering last time we played them, "Pants" flat out body-slammed a chick for two-handing her to the head. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on what you like), there were no such incidents in this game. It was a decently paced, evenly matched game that we mostly played very well in. I say mostly, because after the second period we were up 2-0. We went into the third knowing they were going to come really hard at us, and we had about a minute and a half's worth of collective brain fart and there we were, tied. That really ticked me off, because both goals against were pretty garbage-y. I'm not sure what the deal is with that but most of my goals against on that team have been cruddy garbage goals or bad bounces. I guess I have to be more aware of my movements or where the puck is. But everything I saw, I stopped. I was feeling really good, and I even counted shots (33). Once again Gionta182 wrangled a 5 minute OT period out of the refs, but we weren't as lucky this time. We were still tied at the end of it.

I was actually surprised that we ended up with the OT, since it's pretty much at the ref's discretion (what's up with that?), and I had kind of uncharacteristically mouthed off at one of them earlier in the third period. There was an offside whistle, and everyone else stopped, but the player with the puck continued into the zone, looked right at me, and shot. Now, I know sometimes that happens at the same time as a whistle, I know sometimes it's not intentional. But that was pretty blatant. She turned to skate away and I charged after her, yelling. She completely ignored me, and I was aware of the fact that I was nearing the blue line and the ref was in the vicinity so I figured I should cool my jets. (Hkygrl12, who is coaching this season, later told me she was really nervous because she's never seen me get mad before and thought it was going to be "Tuukka milkcrate time". I did notice that she looked a little wide-eyed to see me that close to the bench. Haha.) On my way back to the net I yelled to the ref "No call on that?" He said no and I blurted out "That's bullshit". Generally I don't do this. I may think it, but I don't give refs any lip. He replied "Come on now, let's keep it friendly" or something like that, and I just shut my mouth and focused on the faceoff. But that really ticked me off. That's blatant disrespect right there on her part. It's ok though, because I've got her number. She's a smallish forward, she'll be in my crease again. Oops! Did my stick get in your way? SORRY.

Where to start?

I have to apologize (yet again) for pulling a disappearing act. Can I blame the 5 days without heat or power? That was one factor, sure, but that only happened a week and a half ago. I just haven't felt much like writing in here when all there is to say is to rehash the same old thing about the league the Hawks are in. It's also been a bit of a rocky road for yours truly, for the last month or so. It's never fun to admit weakness but I have some mental issues that I deal with and although they're normally well corralled, certain things in "real life" tend to bring them out. And that's when I go into hiding.

But things are looking up now. I've had a few games with the Hawks, all with the same result, so there isn't really much to say on that front, but that will be changing soon. The Cats had their first game back in mid-October, and then were back to practice only until this past weekend. And what a weekend it was. I looked forward for weeks to this weekend, it being a double-header on Sunday. The first game was a Cats matinee (ok, 5pm, but that feels like a matinee to me. Hell that feels like a morning game to me).

I was so ramped up to play that I pestered and pestered GoalieHusband and we arrived at the rink a good 2 hours before game time. It was ok though, because the C team had played earlier, and I knew we'd be able to hang with them until it was time to suit up. We spent a little while outside with the grill, potato chips, and beer (no beer for me though, I was sipping a pre-game coffee), and then it was time to get ready. I brought my stuff into the locker room and discovered, much to my dismay, that there was a bag already in there. In my spot.

I'm not a neurotic goalie. I don't get too kooky over many things, but one thing I am pretty anal about is my spot. I started sitting there because it has the most room, and let's face it, I have the most shit. But now it's just sort of... a given. I even went to the first practice of the season a little early, because I knew we had some new players and I wanted to make sure I had my spot before they got there. I wandered back outside, agitated, and told GoalieHusband and Flipper (who had just arrived) "There's someone in my spot". I think I said it a few times. Honestly, if the person had been there, I would have just asked if they minded moving over, that it's a goalie thing and I'm anal about my spot, but no one was there and it threw me off. #RainMan Flipper went in and took care of it I guess, because after I got back in there, my spot was nice and empty.

It didn't throw my game off though. I had that surging, strong, balls-out feeling that I sometimes get when I'm really in the zone. I felt like I could feel every muscle fiber firing. I was so in the zone that when we gathered at the bench between periods and GoalieHusband gave his pep talk and observations, and then turned to me and said "Goalie. What do you see?" I completely froze. Everyone was looking at me expectantly. And I did have something I wanted to say. But all I saw was eyes. Shit, shit, they're waiting for you to say something. "Umm... I did have something to say but I forgot it", I admitted. Fortunately only a few seconds of laughter passed before I remembered I wanted to warn them about the cherry picker the other team had been placing on the blue line.

The game itself was a very exciting one, for the spectators anyway. And we had quite a few of those. My parents were there, as was a friend of mine with her husband and three kids. For me, though, the only thing that saved me from a batch of healthy self-goalie-hatred was an overtime goal by the one and only "Pants". We went up early, but the other team came back. We managed to hold them at 4-3 until the last minute of the period, when they, naturally, pulled their goalie. With 11 seconds left (ELEVEN FREAKIN SECONDS), they had a shot that I'm 99% sure was going wide, but in my puffed-up over-confidence I went out to play it, and it took a bizarre bounce over my pad and into the net.

I was seriously pissed. I'm not sure how she did it but gionta182 convinced the refs that we were supposed to get an OT period, and although the girls were totally gassed, we pressed and pressed (and I made a few saves), and about 2 minutes into it we scored. Out of respect for the other goalie, I don't cheer when we score. But I cheered for that goal. What a relief. So now we are 1-0-1 (W-L-T) on the young season. And not only that, but we may have gained two converts. Two of my friend's kids, who have been to one other game, now want to play hockey. *JOY*. One is a 10 yr old boy, the other is a 6 yr old girl. All I need to do is get that girl into goal, and the circle of hockey continues. ;)

An hour and a half (and a lot of potato chips and 1 beer) later, I was back on the ice again with the Hawks. With 15 minutes to go before our ice time, we only had a small number of skaters, so we went back outside and dragged hkygrl12 kicking and screaming (ha ha ha) into the locker room with us.

***maalivahti will be with you in a moment, there's a shootout on tv****

She wasn't the only guest; GoalieHusband was on the ice as well. It was great to play with both of them, with my team. I didn't have very high expectations of the game, and in fact I told a teammate "I just played at 5:00. I'm either going to be really good, or really bad".

Well, I guess it was the former. What's that, you say? Didn't you lose 9-3? Why, yes we did. However, the (very unofficial) shot count for the night was 75. That's what a guy from the other team estimated, and two teammates of mine independently came up with that number as well. I certainly don't disagree. I would have given a very conservative estimate of 60, but 75 doesn't sound out of the question. I have never been that exhausted in a game, ever. The only other times I've ever felt like that was after an ass-kicking with my private coach, or after 4 hours in the brutal summer sun back in the "outside on the asphalt" days. But I hung in there. I wish I could see some of those saves now, in retrospect, because I played most of that game in a fog. I do remember several saves that shocked not only me but the other team. I got countless "good save, keep" taps on the pads from them. (This is not to minimize the good words from my own team, but when it comes from the other team, you know they're not just pumping your tires, so to speak). In fact, after the handshake line, one of the other guys skated back around to find me, pointed at me, and said "MVP".

So, 75 shots. "Where was your D?" will be the first question in most people's minds. They were there, busting their asses just as much as I was. And we scored a power play goal, something I don't think we've done in about 3 seasons. All this to illustrate; we are playing at 110% every night and still getting killed, blasted out by 6-9 goals each game. It's time to face the facts. This is not the league for me. Am I a "D league" player? You bet your ass. Are the rest of the guys in this league? Not by a long shot. And after about three years of trying to rectify the situation with the rink, and nothing changing, I'm done. I'm going to the "AIL", where I'll actually have a chance at not getting blown out every single night, and a chance at it being fun again. A few teammates have made the same decision, so at least it won't be a complete dissolution of the team. And I suspect that when the others hear of our move, a few will do the same. By no means can the whole team make that move; it would be beyond unfair for about 5 of those guys to come to the AIL and I don't think they would.

So it's kind of an end of an era for the Hawks. I'm not sure how many of us will be together next season. It's sad, after all these years together, but enough is enough. I'm done with the hit my confidence is taking, with the long, self-loathing rides home from the rink. And knowing some of the guys will be right there with me makes it that much easier. Change can only come when the pain of not changing outweighs the pain of changing.

Quarry Cat weekend

The NHL season is underway, and now the Quarry Cats' season has officially started. YAY HOCKEY! This is my absolute favorite time of year. The excitement of the new season, with a whole season stretching out ahead of us, games and highlights to watch, plays and hits to talk about, and my own games ramped up now that both my teams are active. Love. It.

This weekend I got to play in two games, and that made me one happy goalie. On Saturday I subbed for the C team. We played in PA and I made the trip out and back by myself, which I enjoyed. Carpooling with teammates is awesome, but there is something to be said for a nice solo ride now and then. Now that I have a nifty little smartphone, I was able to use GPS navigation to get there, instead of scribbling directions down on a scrap of paper from Google Maps. And I discovered something: I kind of like the "nav". I found myself talking back to it without even realizing it. "Turn right onto Polk Street", the female robot-voice said. "You got it," I chirped back as I made the turn. "Ok now what?"

I need help.

Anyway, the game was a lot of fun. I can say that because we won. It was looking like a tie for a long while there, but we managed to break it with literally 30 seconds left in the game. One thing that's kind of neat is that the C team plays in an actual league, which keeps stats and standings etc. (We play an independent schedule, basically a bunch of teams that all play each other but we're not a formal league. We could be in a different division of the C team's league but no one wants to travel as far as would be necessary, myself included). So I got to keep track of my shot total; only 18 shots on me, and 1 goal. Not awful. But on the other end? Holy cow. The girls unleashed 50 shots on the other goalie and she turned away all but 48 of them. I tried to tell her in the handshake line how great I thought she played, but I could tell she was pissed about losing that close to the end of the game. I get it. I would be too.

That was a lot of fun, and I felt comfortable with the girls since I knew several of them from tournaments this summer, but what I was really excited about was my own team's opening game of the season. We played against the same team we opened the season against last year, and I don't know what the deal is, but I always feel like I play like crap when we play them. Maybe subconsciously I'm underestimating them, because they, like us, have improved a lot over the last 2 years. The game started out and on the first rush into our zone, they scored. It was a garbage goal I'd gotten the first save on, but thought I had the puck covered. Not so much. Man, that pissed me off. And the fact is, we spent most of the time in their zone. So there I am, standing around, watching the girls at the other end, with that big fat 1 and 0 on the scoreboard over the other goalie's head. And after they got a second goal (which incidentally was the same kind as the first)? Mortified. And pissed off. Fortunately I played much better after that, and we managed to tie it up in the second period. I think. The tying goal might have come early in the 3rd. Goldfishbrain, remember?

In the 3rd period we went ahead by one, and the bench went nuts and I felt immense relief. No matter what anyone says, I feel like those first 2 goals were on me. Those are pucks I usually smother. Anyway... In the 3rd period they spent a little more time in our end, and somehow I was endowed with a glove hand that actually works, because I snatched at least two pucks right from mid-air.  Man, did that feel good. I love that. *Yoink!* Oh yeah, you that was going in, didn't you? Think again, sweetie. Hey. I don't get to feel that feeling very often, so when I do, I bask in it for a few seconds. I also was reminded of the way the announcer described, I believe it was Halak's, jaw-dropping flat-out larceny savegasm of a glove save in Saturday night's game. He said something like "And up comes that smelly leather mitt and nabs it right out of the air, while he's in the splits". Hahaha. Smelly leather mitt indeed. No splits here though. All the yoga and stretching in the world won't get that out of me.

Unfortunately they tied it up with only a few minutes left. I hate ties. HATE them. I know there's a lot of people who hate shootouts, but ties have to be worse. And in this league we don't even get a few minutes of OT to try to settle it. So, the final score was 3-3.  I swear, next time we play them I'm going to shut them down.

Our next game is practically a month away, so that's it for now. And the next Hawks game isn't for another week. Fortunately, I have the week off this week, so I'm going to try to get to at least two open hockey sessions.  Right now I'm going to enjoy my coffee and figure out which of several projects I'm going to tackle first.

I love hockey.

Of Hybrids, Goalie Pals, and Call-Ups

Hybrid.

What does that word make you think of? A smart little eco-friendly car? Or, as readers of a goalie blog, a goaltending style? Probably the last thing to come to mind, if at all, is a way to describe a female fan's experience of the game. But in so doing, my intrepid goalie gal-pal MsConduct seems to have opened quite a can of worms, if the endless string of comments is any indication. I'm referring, of course, to her execllent inaugural  (and extremely well-illustrated) post over at Backhand Shelf. The Bunny Conundrum, indeed. And it's not just those readers who were inspired to come out of their bunny dens and confess... I as well have to finally admit that I am pretty much a "hybrid" myself. I'll let her column do the explaining, because she does a fantastic job of it. I'll wait while you go read it.

Done? Good. My confession is more of a revelation. I've always been one of those people that thought the love of (and intricate understanding of) hockey and appreciation for the outward appearance of a player had to be mutually exclusive. I always felt like if I ever even indicated that I found Player X or Goalie Y attractive, all my "credibility" as a "real fan" would be lost. But reading MsConduct's post made me realize - it doesn't have to be that way. And the more women (and hell, men too) who can stand up and say "I can tell you about a 1-2-2 forecheck or a left wing lock, icing and offsides do not confuse me, and none of that is diminished by the fact that I am not a robot and can freely admit that that guy could single-handedly melt the polar icecaps", the more people will realize that the two viewpoints do not conflict with each other. I still get defensive though. The fact is I'm not watching it for eye candy, I'm watching it for the love and beauty of the game. But all of you certainly know that I know what I'm talking about, so admiting that Kari Lehtonen was my first Finnish goalie crush, and not only in a goalie-skill-appreciation way, isn't going to take anything away.  (And if any of you follow both me and MsConduct on Twitter, that cat has been out of the bag for at least a week now anyway. It's so much fun to share the love.)

Back in the very non-glamorous world of beer league, things have been pretty much status quo for the Hawks. We played again two nights ago, and lost again 6-0. I honestly felt like I had a very good game. But I can't reconcile that with the score, and the fact that a few of those goals were just really awful bounces. (Does anyone else hate that term? Saying "it was a bad bounce" reeks to me of excuses. Maybe I'm just a perfectionist.) One was a screen that even Kari wouldn't have seen through. And... one was completely on me. Yes, we blew our coverage on this one guy, but I had every chance to make the save on him. It just so happened that it was one of their better guys, who knows to go glove side high on me for an easy goal. Damn useless glove hand. But I felt I made a ton of very good saves, many through traffic, and many in tight. I even used the VH a few times, and although it seemed the exact right thing to do, and it worked like a charm, I still question myself now every time I use it, because of the bad rap it's been getting in goalie circles from overuse. 

We don't play again for over a week, but in the mean time I have two QCat games on my dance card. We've been practicing for a month now, and our first game is on Sunday. I absolutely can't wait to get back out there with the team. I'm really looking forward to the season; I want to pick up right where I left off before I got hurt. But before that game, I'm filling in for the C team on Saturday, for their first game. They have two goalies on their roster, but evidently neither one could make it to this game, so they asked me. Naturally I said yes, but I'm nervous. I'm sure I'll be fine, but of course I'm worried about making an ass out of myself. Don't worry though, as soon as I hit the ice - in both games - all that will be gone from my brain. Nothing to focus on other than how much I love stopping pucks. Come onnnnn, weekend!

New Game

Well folks, since there are only so many ways I can say "we played hard but we lost", I'm going to skip the recap of the latest Hawks game. Instead, we'll play a new game. It's called "New Guy In The Locker Room Bullshit Meter".

As is usual lately, we had quite the short bench, so we had to call in reinforcements where we could. There was a guy who subbed in our last game (and scored a nice deflection goal), and two other guys. One of these guys totally rubbed me the wrong way. When I walked in and introduced myself, he told me he knew me from open hockey. I wondered to myself if it was a game I'd played well in, or one I'd stunk to high heaven. Later I realized it was the latter.

He and the other sub were talking a blue streak about a league in another rink and how disorganized it was, and how uneven the competition can be (sound familiar?), and from the sounds of it, they both played there, but not on the same teams. One guy said that Mats Zucarello had been playing in the lowest level league and only recently had been "found out".

WHHOOOOOPPPSSS there goes my bullshit meter.

Folks, we are one step above "instructional" level. There is no way on this polluted stinking planet that The Hobbit was playing in a league equivalent to ours. And, further cementing his gold standard tool status, this guy went on to sing the praises of a dude who played with us for one season, who is mostly remembered for his 20 minute locker room soliloquy about his Way Awesome Car that was so much cooler than all of ours.

And from what I heard, he was none too gracious on the bench, either. I'm sure he had plenty to say about my couple of deer-in-headlights, didn't-even-flinch goals against, and that's fine. That's the first game I've ever played where I wasn't sure if I was going to puke or pass out first, for pretty much the entire game. And that's after a weekend of relaxation. I'm not sure what was going on there, I haven't ever felt like that, not even in a tournament. We have over a week to rest before our next game. One of our regulars who has missed all the games so far will be back. Hopefully we can put together at least a close game, if not a win.

In the mean time- QCats practice tomorrow night. I'm totally psyched for our first game, which isn't until the 16th, but until then: HOCKEY SEASON IS STARTING!!!!!!!!!! GoalieHousehold finally at long last has DVR. Ahhhhh.... no more missing games because of practices or games of my own. No more getting home, rushing to have dinner cooked by 7pm so we can be settled in front of the TV for our Rangers. This also means all the Law & Order SVU episodes I could ever want. Oh, the wonders of technology!