Goalie pants are your friend

One thing that both the guy in the store and I overlooked when amassing the pile of gear I'd need was protection for my hips/butt/thighs... i.e., goalie pants. (Yes, they are techincally "shorts", just like regular hockey pants. I still haven't figured out why they're called "pants".) The store clerk might have assumed I didn't need them, since I would be playing roller hockey outside and a roller hockey ball doesn't hurt much in comparison to an ice puck. Unfortunately he failed to take into account both my lack of balance, and the strength with which some of the guys at the rink can wing that light plastic puck. I had the bruises to show for it. But what really alerted me to the fact that I needed something to protect my delicate derriere was falling on my backside twice in one week, and landing so hard on my tailbone that I let out what a friend described as a sound a lemur would make if it burnt its paw on a hot stove.

The second time, I really thought I had broken something. Getting up and skating to the bench was probably a 6 on the happy-face-to-sad-face pain scale. But I was more upset at being out of commission and unable to play than I was about some silly ol' pain. I paced the bench (because sitting on it was too painful) and bitched and moaned for a few minutes but eventually settled down. Later that morning when I got home, the first thing I did was go online and order a pair of goalie pants, and I vowed not to play until they came in.

Now, I must confess, when you look at me, you probably don't instantly assume "hockey goalie" when you see my build. It's probably much better suited for... maybe a gymnast. Basically, I'm pretty scrawny. Or I was. Not anymore, but that's for another post. Throw a giant pair of goalie pants on me and it makes my chicken legs look that much more strange, like two string beans sticking out of the bottom of a giant plastic bag. But hey, once I get the rest of the equipment on, I'm J.S.-freaking-Giguere. Ok, maybe only in my own mind. But that's where it counts, right?

(Next up: Pick-up Hockey Rule #241: Don't Show Up the Goalie)