Frustration is part of learning (I guess)

As disconcerting as it is, I think I learn best by the "trial by fire" method. I was only three months old, in goalie age, and learning more every time I played, thanks to the patience of the guys I was playing with. They didn't care that I was just starting out (read: awful), and most of them were very encouraging, and happy to explain things I wasn't sure about. Still, it wasn't all happiness and success. There were nights that I was just really off. There were days when I let goals get to me more than I should have. I went through a "muttering and swearing" phase, which thankfully was short-lived. My favorite pastime, other than hockey, is beating myself up. For a while I was giving myself all kinds of shit, out loud, every time a goal went in. I only did this when Goalie Husband or #14 was playing in front of me, I guess because I felt most comfortable with them. A combination of them telling me to shut the fuck up, and realizing it was no fun for other players to have their goalie bitching behind them snapped me out of it eventually. I tried to follow the lead of Cam "I'm So Calm I Look Like I Just Smoked A Doobie" Ward. Two things stick out when someone praises a goalie. If they say "he never gives up on a play" (Lundqvist) or "nothing rattles him" (Ward, Kiprusoff), that sticks with me. I try to bring those qualities to my game now, and for a long time I've been much better about staying calm.

I was fortunate enough to have someone (Mark, another of the "coaching staff" along with John and Mike) point out that when I go down into the butterfly I lift my stick. Until then I had no idea I was even doing that. He worked with me a few times, taking shots straight at the 5-hole, and more times than not they went in. But the times that I got my stick down and made the stop, it was like a revelation. "So that's how it works!" The problem is, a year later, though I'm better about it, that is still a big weakness of mine. And Mark had no problem pointing it out in one game. I guess he was frustrated... he yelled to me from the point after a goal "you go down, stick comes up, puck goes in". Ouch. That stung, because the truth hurts.

Because of that comment, and because he has worked with me on that weakness in the past, I get really frustrated if I make that mistake, especially with him around. It's a humiliating way to let a goal in. What's so difficult about keeping your stick down? You would think that would be rather obvious, but maybe it's the motion of dropping down that causes me to move my stick out of the way. Whatever the cause, I have to really make an effort - to this day - to focus and actually think to myself "keep your stick down". Most of the time it works. Sometimes I'm focusing on something else and don't give it the attention it deserves. The goal of course is to get to the point where it doesn't require focus and comes naturally. I'll get there. I hope.