Autopilot (warning: navel-gazing ahead)

I hate "abandoning" my blog. Especially after something like the "goaliespeak" post, which (so far) has had 206 hits. Up 'til then I think the most hits a post has had has been around 35, so although I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, that made me feel a little proud that so many people found their way to the blog, and apparently stuck around, if the uptick in hits on other posts is any indication. I briefly considered making it a point to write something every day, so as not to lose anyone's attention. But I like keeping it real, and if I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say.

Particularly during times like these. I find that any time I start to succumb to stress, my natural instinct is to head for cover. Facebook, Twitter, my goalie message board, even blogging all seem overwhelming. I know I've alluded to it here a few times, but things at work are downright awful. I've been with this company for 15 years, and started here straight out of college. I don't know any other job or industry. Many of these people, though I do bitch about them, are like a fucked up extended dysfunctional family in some ways. And just over a month ago, we entered Chapter 11 as part of the process of being acquired by another company. It's been bad here for a long time, but never this bad. There was a round of layoffs last week, with another looming this week. We no longer exist as a company but we haven't been purchased by anyone yet. This extended period of limbo, of not knowing who will get to stay and who will be cut loose, is extremely trying for all of us. Coming to the office every day gets harder and harder when you have nothing to do and no direction and no word from anyone, but know bad news is coming at some point. That my paycheck actually hits my bank account on payday is no small miracle, and for that I am very thankful.

As a result I have been running on autopilot lately. It's gotten progressively worse over the last week or so. The only way to get through it (other than drinking heavily, which I will not allow myself to succumb to) is to just numb out. That, and live from hockey game to hockey game, though I have to admit after the final week of 5 times on the ice in 6 days, I may be a tad burned out. BUT.... the Cougars have a game tonight, and a tournament is a mere four days away. I've managed to shake myself free of the inertia enough to focus on those things and enjoy what I can. It took me until just this afternoon to come to that realization. Maybe it's the Buddhist CD I'm listening to in the car. Maybe it's my brain finally screaming awake after a period of being zoned out. Whatever it is, I'm back. At least for a few days. And I SWEAR, this time I will blog the tournament as it happens. I know, I know, I say that every time. But I have to really do it. There are so many funny little details that get left out when I do a post-tournament wrap-up. It should be an interesting experiment.

So..... LET'S GO COUGAR(HAWK)S!!!! This is a playoff game. (I know! Already???!) This season went far too quickly and I'm going to miss playing with these idiots next season, so I know I have to grab hold while I can. BOO. YAH.

Finally, a "W".... and Mr. Inappropriate

I didn't write about Sunday night's game because, in a nutshell, it sucked. Everyone I talked to was pissed off/frustrated the next day. We lost 4-1.... in the first period we literally had only 3 minutes of even strength time. Lots of distractions about the refs and the other team's players. Whatever, it's over and it's in the books.

We played the same team last night and I think everyone was determined to kick some ass. And kick some ass we did. We played like an actual team, and everyone gave it their all. On a team level, it was a great win. On a personal level, I'm a little less excited. We were ahead the whole time, jumping out to a 6-2 lead early in the 3rd. That score stood for most of the period, until the end when we took a penalty. And then another. I'm not sure if the first goal came on the 5 on 4 or the 5 on 3, but it was a complete miscommunication and my D put it in my feet and an opponent tapped it into the net. Then there was another goal which I don't remember too clearly but I laid back thinking I was laying on it, but it was in the net. So, final score 6-4. Awesome to get the win, awesome game all around, but I'm mad about the last 2 goals. (The first 2 I was completely screened on.)

There was one kid who ran me twice in the first period, and whacked me in the face with his stick (hard) in the second. He was falling as he did it, so it could have been a mistake, but I screamed "FUCK YOU" at him as he skated away nonetheless. And then one of my D plastered him against the boards. Unfortunately he took a boarding call for that but it must have gotten the message across because the dickbag didn't do it again. In fact, after the handshake line he sought me out and told me that he realized he'd run into me a few times and didn't mean it and was sorry. I just said "ok".... I wasn't sure at the time whether to believe him, but thinking about it now, why would he go out of his way to find me and say that if he didn't mean it? This team is one of the teams we like playing, because the douchebag factor is pretty low. So I guess I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

So.... yeah remember that new guy at work who was a goalie? Well he hasn't been there very long and has already made a few Inappropriate Comments. Both were directed towards me so whatever, I don't care. Today though, he said something Totally Uncool to someone else. One of our assistants is a young, vibrant, bubbly and friendly African American girl. she's a real sweetheart. She's also the only "minority" in our lilly-white office. She and I had had a conversation earlier in the morning about my allergies (she'd observed my pink nose and thought I had a cold; I explained that it was just a bad week for allergies). Well Mr. Inappropriate walks by at the same time she does, and stops in my doorway and says "So, are you depressed?" (As a fellow Ranger fan, he's referring to the Flyers' moving on to the finals.) She's walking away and says to him "oh don't bother her, she's got allergies". He turns to her and says, as he's shooing her away with his hand.... ready for this....?!

"Hey, this is a hockey question. African Americans don't talk about hockey. Well.... unless they're talking about that one goalie."

O

M

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Me: What is wrong with you?!?! You can't say that!

Him: Ahh, she's fine, she's a fun gal, she doesn't care.

Um. Um... WTF DUDE?! Wow. I'm the least PC person on the planet but WOW. I mentioned the conversation to my boss, who had the same reaction I did.... but you know what, nothing will come of it. Because of the nature of our business and the way things work in our office, he'll keep getting away with crap like that. I did talk to her about it later and she said it was no big deal, she's heard worse. But umm.... that's like really not the point. What is wrong with people?