Autopilot (warning: navel-gazing ahead)

I hate "abandoning" my blog. Especially after something like the "goaliespeak" post, which (so far) has had 206 hits. Up 'til then I think the most hits a post has had has been around 35, so although I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, that made me feel a little proud that so many people found their way to the blog, and apparently stuck around, if the uptick in hits on other posts is any indication. I briefly considered making it a point to write something every day, so as not to lose anyone's attention. But I like keeping it real, and if I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say.

Particularly during times like these. I find that any time I start to succumb to stress, my natural instinct is to head for cover. Facebook, Twitter, my goalie message board, even blogging all seem overwhelming. I know I've alluded to it here a few times, but things at work are downright awful. I've been with this company for 15 years, and started here straight out of college. I don't know any other job or industry. Many of these people, though I do bitch about them, are like a fucked up extended dysfunctional family in some ways. And just over a month ago, we entered Chapter 11 as part of the process of being acquired by another company. It's been bad here for a long time, but never this bad. There was a round of layoffs last week, with another looming this week. We no longer exist as a company but we haven't been purchased by anyone yet. This extended period of limbo, of not knowing who will get to stay and who will be cut loose, is extremely trying for all of us. Coming to the office every day gets harder and harder when you have nothing to do and no direction and no word from anyone, but know bad news is coming at some point. That my paycheck actually hits my bank account on payday is no small miracle, and for that I am very thankful.

As a result I have been running on autopilot lately. It's gotten progressively worse over the last week or so. The only way to get through it (other than drinking heavily, which I will not allow myself to succumb to) is to just numb out. That, and live from hockey game to hockey game, though I have to admit after the final week of 5 times on the ice in 6 days, I may be a tad burned out. BUT.... the Cougars have a game tonight, and a tournament is a mere four days away. I've managed to shake myself free of the inertia enough to focus on those things and enjoy what I can. It took me until just this afternoon to come to that realization. Maybe it's the Buddhist CD I'm listening to in the car. Maybe it's my brain finally screaming awake after a period of being zoned out. Whatever it is, I'm back. At least for a few days. And I SWEAR, this time I will blog the tournament as it happens. I know, I know, I say that every time. But I have to really do it. There are so many funny little details that get left out when I do a post-tournament wrap-up. It should be an interesting experiment.

So..... LET'S GO COUGAR(HAWK)S!!!! This is a playoff game. (I know! Already???!) This season went far too quickly and I'm going to miss playing with these idiots next season, so I know I have to grab hold while I can. BOO. YAH.