Still Giddy

Two games and 69 shots later (9 shots in one game, 60 in the other), I'm still giddy about the "all-star" game on Saturday. I was grinning like an idiot today at work telling people about it. So I'm back to share some pictures. For the most part I keep this blog vaguely anonymous, but ever since I linked it to my twitter account and GoalieCrease.net account I've long since lost any illusions of privacy. Might as well post some pictures, right? Here are some of my favorites:

The corner of the locker room I dubbed "Goalie Land", since when I walked in it already had two bags, sets of pads, and sticks there, and a third empty chair just waiting for me and my load of crap:

My entrance onto the ice from the tunnel - I knew GoalieHusband was there somewhere, and I wanted to look around for him, but I was busy trying my hardest not to make an idiot of myself by falling the second I stepped onto the ice:

Here's a shot of me and the other goalie making our way to the sin bin while we waited our turns (I'm #39):

And here is a sequence captured by our team photographer- "the save" that had everyone on the bench asking "Whose goalie is that??!?" (according to Hkygrl12, who said she was proud to say "MINE!"). Before I put the pictures up I will add a caveat: this is a really really awful save, in terms of technique. It looks even more awful if you don't realize that in the first picture I'm squared up perfectly to the person with the puck - who is not the person with the puck a millisecond later in the next picture. I squared up to the shooter, but there was a wide open person on the top of the crease, and the (original) shooter passed to her the second I got set. I should have slid over instead of diving, but my instinct was to dive, and I got awfully lucky that I was able to knock it away (and that the rebound got scooped up by my D and not the other team). I'm almost cringing, putting it here where people who know what they're looking at will realize how sloppy it is, but, it kept the puck out of the net, and it made everyone cheer. You can't really argue with that. 

And last but not least, my very favorite picture. GoalieHusband usually has to work on Saturdays but he arranged his schedule so he could have the day off, and it meant a lot to me to have him there. I think he had almost as much fun as I did, being down there with "his girls". Here we are with shit-eating all-star grins after the game:



End of an Era

If you're a regular reader, you know about GoalieHusband's concussion-related travails. In perfect frankness, he's been playing on borrowed time for some time now. There was a period of time about two years ago, after what was then the latest of his mishaps, that I very strongly implored him to stay off the ice, and he very reluctantly relented. After many months passed and he'd been feeling better for a long time, it was easy to forget why I made that request in the first place, and when he ventured back into open hockey, I worried but kept quiet, and the sky didn't fall. Then that wasn't enough and he came back to the team and played in the league again. For a while, things were fine. Then there started to be nights where he'd take a light hit and be dizzy. Then nights when I'd be the one driving home because an innocent hockey mishap, which happens to everyone all the time, left him dizzy and foggy-headed even after the game. Then there was the game when we were all leaving the ice after the handshake line, and he was still sitting on the bench, grimacing in pain, slightly disoriented, and had to be helped off the ice and back into the locker room.

And then there was three Tuesdays ago.

My disgust for what happened is causing me to consider taking some time off from this league. I'm getting burned out, getting tired of the unacceptable bullshit that is par for the course in that league (the more things change, the more the stay the same), just tired. Would the situation have been as serious if GoalieHusband didn't have this history of concussion? I doubt it. But that doesn't make what happened any more acceptable. In my eyes, anyway. And if I'd been thinking clearly I'd have filed some kind of report with the rink so that I could pursue it in some way now. But following a stretcher off the ice and trying to stay calm was taking up most of my mental capacity that night.

I'm not going to go into all the details of what happened and what led up to it, but the short story is that the game was chippy, and some back-and-forth between a player and GoalieHusband resulted in them both down on the ice, GoalieHusband facing away from the other player, and the other player sucker punching him in the head. Several times. From behind. Both of them were given double minors for roughing, and at the time he seemed ok. He finished the period, between periods I checked on him. I knew he wasn't quite right, but I felt like asking him to sit out the rest of the game was overkill. (He wouldn't have anyway). It wasn't long into the 3rd period however, when he took himself off the ice, and collapsed on the bench. Fortunately a teammate noticed what was going on just in time, and caught him and laid him down on the bench.

By the time I got there he was conscious (barely) and talking (slurring). We insisted on an ambulance despite his protests. The first guy to show up I guess was a campus cop, but he had some kind of kit with him, and put an oxygen mask on him since his pulse was low and he couldn't keep his eyes open. He was responding to questions, knew where he was, but it was terrifying seeing him like that. Eventually the EMTs got there, talked to him for a few minutes, and got him onto a stretcher. During all this time I'd been stripping my gear off at the bench, and ran back to the locker room for my pants so I didn't have to sit in the ER in my jill and hockey socks.

And our teammates were amazing. They assured me they'd put the big pile of gear at the bench into my bag for me. They brought GoalieHusband's clothes and wallet out for me to take to the hospital with him. And since I was riding over in the ambulance, they drove our truck over so we'd have a way home when it was all over. (I do hope the hockey gods took note of the fact that the truck is filthy, and was blaring Rammstein. That's a true friend. Although I did notice, when I got in it later, that the music was not turned off. Heh). When I emailed a teammate the next day to thank her for all she'd done, she said something really interesting: "these days, when so many of us don't live close to family, it's up to friends to look after each other". That really resonated with me, and not just in terms of my hockey friends. I'd been texting @byndblueshirts from the ambulance because I was scared and just needed a friend to lean on. I put a brave face on for GoalieHusband and everyone else, but I was terrified. Just having someone to reach out to and admit that to helped.

We were sitting in the parking lot in the ambulance for quite a while. They made me sit in the front though, so I couldn't really tell what was going on. I could see and hear enough to see that they weren't in any state of urgency, and could hear GoalieHusband still talking. I guess they were taking his gear off, and put him on a backboard and cervical collar just in case. (I found it odd that they didn't do that when they first put him on the stretcher, but did it later). Because of the long delay and lack of overall urgency I was kind of surprised that when we did get underway it was with lights and sirens, and a police car behind us. But by the time we did get to the ER, he was much more alert, more coherent, and talking more normally. He was still in rough shape, but nowhere near as frightening as it had been before.

They did a CAT scan and didn't find anything, so the doctor diagnosed him with syncope (fainting) and mild concussion and released him. He stayed home from work for two days, though it really should have been three, and gradually the fog lifted enough to return him to a semi-normal state. But it's been three weeks and he's still having headaches, light sensitivity, and fatigue.Everything's moving in the right direction; less intensity and frequency, it's just taking a while. The longest he's had effects has been 4 or 5 days, and I think this time he understands that this is his brain being damaged and he needs to stop putting himself in harm's way.

A few days after the incident, without any prompting from me, he said "I'm coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't ever play hockey again."  I never knew one sentence could make me feel so much relief and heartbreak at the same time. I loved being on the ice with him. No one ever defended me more staunchly (well, @gionta182 and @lct29 come very close), and it was wonderful to share this thing we both love. I think of how I felt when I was injured, a mere two months off the ice and I was climbing the walls, and I can't even imagine what it feels like to have that taken away for good. He's going to have to find other avenues though, and I think coaching is one. He's so passionate about coaching the QCats, and is thinking about going to get his 3rd level USA Hockey coaching certification now. He's also a writer; he's been working on a book for years now, a book that has morphed into a trilogy, and while it's not my genre (fantasy), I can tell it is excellent. He's got enough brain cells left to work on that and another project he's just been inspired to start, so I think eventually he'll be ok. I do expect some stages of grumpiness though, and that's ok. I'd be grumpy too. But as much as I love sharing hockey with him, I also love sharing the rest of life with him as well, and I'm glad that we will be able to do that. That was quite a close call.

1-11

The Hawks finished the season 1-11, with another balls-out game. We lost 5-2 (lowest goals against of the season! w00t!!!), but we really played hard and I don't think they were expecting it. This was against the team I've been referring to as the d-bag team, however they actually weren't d-bags that night. In fact one could have really put me out of commission for a while, but he had the decency to hold up and not come crashing down on me while I was in a defenseless position. Maybe they respect us a little more, for stepping it up the way we did. Maybe their major d-bags just weren't there that night.

Since the game was right after practice, we had fans again. Yay! Once again @gionta182 brought her GIANT sign and vuvuzela, and several of the gals stuck around for the first period. GoalieHusband earned himself a nickname, without even knowing it. He recently purchased plastic guards to go over the tops of his skates, to protect his instep and ankle from blocking shots (which he does quite a lot of). They're clear plastic though, and apparently they reflect the light and from the bleachers it looks like he's got glitter on his skates. He's been dubbed "Coach Sparkle" by @gionta182 and another d-girl. It's already stuck; even one of the Hawks referred to him that way during a post-game email exchange we had. Fan-freakin-tastic. He hasn't been able to be at practice for a few months because of his work schedule, but hopefully will be back in January. The ones who came up with the nickname realize they're going to get skated to death when he comes back to practices... but I think they also think it's worth it.

So, the Hawks' season is over, with the exception of one "playoff" game tomorrow night. Hey, when there are 4 teams in the league, EVERYONE makes the playoffs. Even teams with a 1-11 record. I'm not sure how long the break is before the winter season starts, and it looks like we'll just squeak by roster-wise and be able to play again. I think the plan is to give it one more season and see if we can't get our shit together. Hopefully we can. I don't want to see the team go separate ways.

Personally, I think we should switch back to our blue jerseys. There's another team coming into the league next season and they're- you guessed it - blue. So between them, Original Blue Guys, and We're Blue But We're Supposed To Be Green Guys, that's three blue teams right there. I say we add ours to the mix and really confuse the hell out of the refs. Hey if you can't win, at least make it fun right?

GoalieHusband's Triumphant Return

After nine long months of watching from the bench or stands as his wife and friends played the game he loves and wished he could play, GoalieHusband made his official return to the ice on Monday night. I can't even imagine how difficult it was to be on the outside like that, wishing desperately that he could be out there on the ice with us, and I give him huge kudos for handling it so well. I know I would have been a cranky, moody, grumpy mess had it been me. That's a long time to be sidelined. (For those following along at home, he had ACL reconstruction surgery back in April. His knee was an absolute disaster when they finally got in there to make things right.)

To make matters worse, not only was he missing out on ice time with our team, which has become a pretty solid group, the team moved up to the next level while he was out. I know that had to sting, because he was ready to move up long before the rest of us were. Because of the long layoff, he was concerned about his stamina (rightly so) and about getting his legs and hockey sense back, so he reluctantly signed up for a season in the instructional league to spend some time getting the rust off. On Monday night, he played his first game, and I went along with him to watch - I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Being the rink rats that we are, we've become friendly with several of the staff and people who are there as much as we are. So when we arrived on Monday night and he stopped at the front desk to get his jersey, that was the first of several rounds of warm welcomes he was to receive that night. Since we were incredibly early (due in part to his nerves), we wandered over to see the other instructional league game in progress. As soon as we walked in the door, from across the ice both coaches threw their arms up in the air and cheered. We stopped by the penalty box and one of the refs came over and greeted him heartily through the glass. Granted, some of these people are our drinking buddies, but it was clear that they were truly happy to have him back. And it didn't end there. When his team came out on the ice to warm up, the same ref came over and gave him a big clap on the back in welcome. And I saw him also get similar greetings from the coaches when they arrived. It actually almost made me misty-eyed.

He played extremely well for having been gone so long, and was part of two 5-on-3 penalty kills. (His team had a revolving door installed in the penalty box. It was mind-blowing. As was the forwards' failure to grasp the concept of "offsides". But that's why its an instructional league...)And there is no doubt in my mind that he is truly "back", because after being slammed pretty hard into the boards by a player who uses his lack of ability to stop as an excuse to hit people, he turned around and yelled (and I heard this with my own ears all the way over on the bleachers), "You hit me like that again and I'll f*&#in' deck you."

Ah yes... Welcome back, GoalieHusband. I have no doubt that you'll be joining the rest of the team after this season is over. It's been a long time and I miss my "big dumb defenseman". ;)