Never Satisfied

"I can't wait get this brace off my leg!"

"I'll be so much happier when I can do simple things like walk up the stairs!"

"Man, when I can just start working out again..."

"I just want to GET BACK ON THE ICE!"

Yeah, well now I'm on the ice, and I'm doing really well when I'm out there. And I'm still not happy. I want to play real games and I want to play them with my teams, dammit. The QCats season is over and I missed the last practice last night because of some seriously Biblical weather. The Hawks are finally, at long long painful last, clicking as a team and winning games. And if you've read this blog for any amount of time you know that it's been a real struggle at times and we weren't sure we'd be staying in the league just a few months ago.

(What my paranoid brain is telling me is that the reason they're winning is because I'm not there... goals against have gone down exponentially.... I'm told the defense is a lot better than it was, and we're putting up good numbers on the other end of the ice. Still, how's that for a nice goalie mind fuck? But there's no room in GoalieBrain for thoughts like that. Only in parentheses in a blog.)

So once again I'm back in the position of feeling like I'm literally straining at a leash. I want to be back in that net so bad I can feel it in the back of my throat. But the next game for the Hawks is do-or-die in terms of getting into the playoffs, and while I feel I would be strong enough to play, I'm not going to put that kind of mental pressure on myself, or open my team up to that kind of doubt. I'm going to hit at least one open hockey session and see how it goes playing at that speed. And if it goes well, I want that net back.

But for now... it's clinic. Clinic tonight, rented ice on Saturday night, and maybe I'll hit open hockey some weekday other than Friday, which is when the McKaye guys are there. Playing at that speed will be the real test. Still one day at a time over here. Going to stone some forwards tonight, bitches.

/GoalieAngst