Bitter disappointment

Most people outside of sports would probably say the passion I have for playing, and the dedication I have to my teams borders on unhealthy. Hockey has become my life. So on Wednesday morning, when I played open hockey and felt like my old self again, I was elated. That meant I could catch the next game with the Hawks! There was a game that night, but of course I wasn't going to push myself in at the last minute and tell my sub to take a hike. If they won, and there were going to be subsequent games, I had no reason to believe I wouldn't be playing them. After all, I had been told I could come back whenever I was ready. When I found out there was going to be a game this Sunday, I got really excited. I'd be playing with my team again!!! And then I came crashing down.

Evidently, it had been decided by the team after Wednesday's game that even though I was ready to come back, the sub would still play the one or two playoff games remaining. It was decided that it wouldn't be "fair" to him when he came in, played two-thirds of the season's games, some with obnoxiously late times, without complaint and with a good attitude, to say 'hey thanks but our goalie is back, see ya'. While I can kind of see that side of it, I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth. It makes me wonder what about what's "fair" to the goalie you've had for four years? Also complicating matters is the fact that I'm ready sooner than I thought I would be. In previous conversations with the captain I'd speculated that I'd probably be out through the playoffs (should we get in) and would just start fresh with the next season. So he in turn told the sub that he'd be playing all of the rest of the games. I didn't know that. All I knew was that I was told I could come back as soon as I was ready. So this all came as a bit of a shock yesterday.

It's not an easy situation, from any side. Like I said, I can kind of see their point. They didn't have to scramble every week looking for a goalie. This guy came in and played games at 11pm when he'd had a game earlier that night and never complained. So they want to "thank" him by throwing him a few more games. And to them, it's no big deal, two games, who cares. But to me, who has been working so hard for the last two and a half months to be back in that net, with that team, it is a big deal. I'm assured that when the new season starts I'll be in net, no question at all. I'm assured that this is nothing more than the team showing their appreciation to this guy, that it is not a reflection at all on any kind of "choice" between us or preference. As long as that is truly the case I will just suck it up and deal with it. It sucks, I'm pissed off and disappointed, but I grudgingly kind of understand. Sunday night is going to be really, really hard though.