Vizualizing, and I Fail at Sharing

How is it possible to feel like I've come so far and yet still have so, so far to go? I continue to be absolutely amazed at the body's ability to heal. Just 5 days out of the brace and I have just about complete range of motion back in my knee. It's a little tight, but it's there. I'm walking around without a limp already. I really thought it would take so much longer to get to this point. And yet... my big accomplishment today was doing leg lifts with a 1lb weight on my ankle, and 10 minutes on the bike- with no resistance. Ugh.

I know all the right rah-rah cheerleader mental trick things to do. And I still believe in them. But damn, is it hard to picture doing the things I used to do. Pigeon pose - are you kidding me? Deep squats - yeah right think again. Repeatedly slamming down on my knee, not to mention standing in a position that puts tons of stress on the very thing that hurts right now - are you out of your ever-loving mind??? But yet... these are the images I hold in my head. I have to. I have to believe that it's not as far away as it seems. If in 5 days I've gone from complete immobility to where I am now, I have to believe that I'll be back doing those things again. It's just... really hard sometimes to see that.

Here's why I fail at sharing: A skater was going to jump into the net for practice. She's borrowed some extra equipment in the past, but I guess wasn't going to have it tonight, so Coach asked GoalieHusband if he could bring anything of mine. Look, I am absolutely a team player, but I'm sorry, I just draw the line at using my gear. It's hard to explain, but that's like asking to borrow my underwear. If that makes me selfish, then so be it I guess. But I'm learning to stand up for myself and say "no" when I want to, rather than giving in because I "should" or because I'm "supposed to be nice". If that's a bitchy prima-donna goalie thing to do, then oh well. I know that there is other gear for her to borrow, so I'm not leaving her high and dry. And it's totally not personal. It's just that... that's my gear, man. Lots of goalies won't even let other people touch their gear, much less borrow it. Fortunately, in my frenzied "omg I don't trust my own opinion on this and am compelled to see what twitter says" moment, several tweeps backed me up, so I don't feel QUITE so selfish and guilty. I know I've said this before, but, gotta love the Union.