But.... I'm a goalie!

I went back to the doctor this week because something just hasn't been feeling right with my knee. He had said to go ahead and walk on it, and didn't give me any crutches, so that's what I'd been doing. But for the last several days it just got weaker and weaker and kept feeling like it was going to give out on me. I figured it was probably because my leg muscles are so weak but wanted to get it checked out just in case. I'd hate to go through 4 weeks of this only to find out "oh guess what, something else is wrong!"

I fully expected him to look at me and say "it's broken, of course it's weak". But he was really cool and listened to what I said and asked, and took a look at it and had another x-ray done. He said since there was enough force to break the bone, everything else in there was certainly bruised and needed to heal as well. I started to panic, but he listed a bunch of things in your knee that I've never heard of and was happy enough to not hear "meniscus" or "MCL". (Totally paranoid there's an MCL issue. When it does hurt, it hurts on the inside side. But I'll just shelve that fear.)

The x-ray turned out to be a mood booster. The break is healing very well, and he said I'd be able to have the brace off at my next appointment in two weeks. JOY!!! Then I can start the work I need to do to get back on the ice. At least I'll feel like I'm *doing* something about it.

So, good news. And he gave me a crutch to use for stability, and walking around is MUCH better now. There was, however, a conversation that concerned me. My mom was my ride, so she came into the room with me to keep me company and hear what he had to say. When I misunderstood something he said and said "so we won't know until it heals, if there's something else wrong?" he shook his head and said no, you'll be fine. He then went on to explain that long term, I'll have some limitations. He said he'd recommend against doing a lot of things that would put a load on my knee, like kneeling. Or squatting.

Blink. Blink. My mom and I looked at each other.

"But.... I'm a goalie!" I felt the panic starting to rise. "Do you mean it could re-break?"

He said no, and explained that he wouldn't say don't do it, but just that I might have some pain, and there could be some buildup on the back of the kneecap which would rub on.... something. That's kind of where he lost me, since I was busy being relieved he didn't flat out say "don't play again".

"Now, if you told me you were a baseball catcher... I'd say 'oh great'".

"Well it's kind of the same thing," I said.

"Yeah she's on her knees a LOT," added my mom. Uhhh... thanks mom.

He still didn't say anything about not playing, he just kind of shrugged. I think he's kind of amused by me. But you know what? Fuck it. I'll get a good brace, get some extra padding with the knee guards I was planning on ordering anyway, and if it hurts, it fucking hurts, who cares. I can play through pain if it's "just pain". If something's wrong, I don't want to make it worse, but if it just hurts because that's how it's going to be now, then I can deal with that. When I go back in 2 weeks I'll talk to him some more about the details I sort of spaced out on. If I have to be more careful with it, I'll be more careful. Just get me on the ice, doc.