The combined practice/scrimmage on Saturday night went very well. We had a mixture of people from different groups there but everyone seemed to mesh pretty well and have a good time. It was a success and sounds like it might be a monthly event. We'll see- people tend to say that and then when it's time to schedule another one, no one's interested. But... I played for a solid hour and a half and was only a little bit sore by the end. I'm at the point where I'm just a fraction of a second too slow sometimes. I did have a few really good saves that made me feel like my old self again though. All I need to do now is just keep playing, and it'll come back . Tomorrow morning I'll be heading to open hockey, which will really give me a workout. Tournament in 11 days. I'm going to be ready, no problem.
All of that was great. But two of my Hawks teammates really made the night memorable. I was finishing up getting changed when there was a knock on our locker room door, and someone calling me to come outside. I went out to see #28 and "Shanny" standing there with a large tube. They said they had something for me, and it was a little while in the making, but they hoped I liked it. I was totally surprised and had no idea what to expect. I opened the tube and pulled out a poster, which when I unrolled it, revealed Jim Craig standing on the ice, wrapped in the flag, looking up. On the left hand side was scrawled in black marker "To Maalivahti- Stop Pucks!!!" and then his signature and "1980".
I was floored. I was so surprised and, yes, touched, that my brain completely stopped working. I was a little confused about where/how they'd gotten it, so I asked if they'd gone up to.... and completely forgot "Lake Placid". As in, it was totally erased from my mind. Couldn't come up with it to save my life. I felt pretty stupid and they rescued me from my stammering by explaining. (I actually had to ask them again later, because I was so stunned I didn't really remember everything they said).
Evidently, last year a relative of #28 purchased the house Jim Craig used to live in, and found a box of these posters in the basement. Enter Shanny, who has a friend who knows the guy who manages Jim's speaking engagements (he's a motivational speaker now). Shanny mentioned #28's relative's discovery, and the manager said if Shanny sent him some posters, he would have Jim sign them. Shanny mentioned that I was a goalie, hence the ultra-personalized note/signature.
How. Awesome. Is that.
I took it right to a local shop and left it to be matted and framed (red and blue mats of course). It's going to hang right over my desk at work. There's a perfect empty wall for it and everything.
I'm really lucky. I'm on two teams that are both really close and have great camraderie. I think The Mayor summed it up best. In a recent game, when coming off a bungled shift she took a lot of good natured ribbing for, she took it in stride, laughing, then paused and said "I love us!" I do love us. "We" are awesome. Both teams of us. I'm the luckiest goalie in all of beer league-dom.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Mars and Venus
Clinic Thursday night was just what I needed, just balls-out work from start to finish. One of the drills they did was a 3-on-0. I protested as soon as the coach said that's what we were going to do, but to no avail. It turned out that I actually did quite well. I estimate that I stopped over half of the shots, which I think is pretty darn good for a 3-on-0 drill. I was good and tired the next day, which is just awesome, I totally missed that feeling. And I'm looking forward to more ice time tonight. THAT should be a blast. I'll be seeing a buddy I haven't seen in a while, and not only that he'll be in the other net. The trash talking has already begun.
But what's really got me thinking is something that comes up once in a while and each time I gripe about it a little and move on. I'm talking about the locker room issue. As I mentioned after Sunday's clinic, the rink now has a policy for clinics and Instructional League games, that one of the two assigned locker rooms is designated as the womens' locker room. From what I understand, most of the time there are far too many women to physically fit in the Closet, so this makes sense. (And complies with legal requirements of having to provide equal facilities for both sexes... but we won't go there right now). The designation for this locker room is displayed on the screen in the lobby with all the assignments- it clearly says that it is the womens' locker room for the session.
Now... I have a hard time with this issue because I can really see both sides of the fence here. On one hand, I change with my guys, always have, and probably always will, and really don't think it's that big of a deal. However, these are my teammates. I've known these guys for years, we respect each other, and the new guys who invariably come in and are surprised at first take it in stride and deal with it. But that's just me. That's not every woman's experience.
But there is a big difference between a league situation and something like clinic or open hockey. There's a bit of a different vibe when you don't know the people. Having separate but equal accommodations (i.e. sink, toilet and shower) available makes sense and seems appropriate.
So, on Thursday night when we got off the ice, and the other two women and I headed for locker room 3, we were pretty surprised to find five 18-20 yr old guys in there, in the midst of getting geared up. I walked in and sat by my bag and started taking my gear off, but did inform them that it was the womens' locker room and I'd like to be able to take a shower. One kid whispered "I told you!" to another but other than that not much was said. They were about halfway dressed and packed up the rest of their stuff and took their bags to another room.
I was pretty pissed off about it at the time, and I've been trying to analyze that for the last few days. Aren't I the champion of the "so what, change with each other, who cares" cause? For sure, but as I pointed out before, that's with your team, not with a bunch of random people. It just really frustrates me that this continues to be an issue. There should be a REAL locker room designated for women. They could even convert the Closet into one; on the other side of the wall is the coaches/ref's locker room, so all the plumbing is already there. Would I use it when I'm there with my teams? Nope. But I'd definitely be in there when there for other things. Call me crazy but I don't feel safe in a room full of young guys I don't know.
I considered bringing this up with rink management, and asking that they designate the room with a sign on the actual door rather than just the listing in the lobby, but decided not to because I guess it never would have happened if we'd locked the room and taken the key with us to the bench. I'm not going to turn this into a crusade, as others have. But it still really bothers me from time to time. One of the QCats has a magnetic sign that says "women only" that she puts on the door of whatever locker room we're in, if we're in an unfamiliar rink. I used to think that was kind of going overboard but now I don't know. Maybe it was the age of the guys. If I'd walked in and a bunch of 40-year-olds were in there I don't think I'd have been as unsettled. Besides, they smelled. When I told GoalieHusband there were "a bunch of smelly boys" in the locker room, he thought I was just being funny. Oh no, my dear. They reeked. There is no smell like teenage boy hockey player. Gross.
But what's really got me thinking is something that comes up once in a while and each time I gripe about it a little and move on. I'm talking about the locker room issue. As I mentioned after Sunday's clinic, the rink now has a policy for clinics and Instructional League games, that one of the two assigned locker rooms is designated as the womens' locker room. From what I understand, most of the time there are far too many women to physically fit in the Closet, so this makes sense. (And complies with legal requirements of having to provide equal facilities for both sexes... but we won't go there right now). The designation for this locker room is displayed on the screen in the lobby with all the assignments- it clearly says that it is the womens' locker room for the session.
Now... I have a hard time with this issue because I can really see both sides of the fence here. On one hand, I change with my guys, always have, and probably always will, and really don't think it's that big of a deal. However, these are my teammates. I've known these guys for years, we respect each other, and the new guys who invariably come in and are surprised at first take it in stride and deal with it. But that's just me. That's not every woman's experience.
But there is a big difference between a league situation and something like clinic or open hockey. There's a bit of a different vibe when you don't know the people. Having separate but equal accommodations (i.e. sink, toilet and shower) available makes sense and seems appropriate.
So, on Thursday night when we got off the ice, and the other two women and I headed for locker room 3, we were pretty surprised to find five 18-20 yr old guys in there, in the midst of getting geared up. I walked in and sat by my bag and started taking my gear off, but did inform them that it was the womens' locker room and I'd like to be able to take a shower. One kid whispered "I told you!" to another but other than that not much was said. They were about halfway dressed and packed up the rest of their stuff and took their bags to another room.
I was pretty pissed off about it at the time, and I've been trying to analyze that for the last few days. Aren't I the champion of the "so what, change with each other, who cares" cause? For sure, but as I pointed out before, that's with your team, not with a bunch of random people. It just really frustrates me that this continues to be an issue. There should be a REAL locker room designated for women. They could even convert the Closet into one; on the other side of the wall is the coaches/ref's locker room, so all the plumbing is already there. Would I use it when I'm there with my teams? Nope. But I'd definitely be in there when there for other things. Call me crazy but I don't feel safe in a room full of young guys I don't know.
I considered bringing this up with rink management, and asking that they designate the room with a sign on the actual door rather than just the listing in the lobby, but decided not to because I guess it never would have happened if we'd locked the room and taken the key with us to the bench. I'm not going to turn this into a crusade, as others have. But it still really bothers me from time to time. One of the QCats has a magnetic sign that says "women only" that she puts on the door of whatever locker room we're in, if we're in an unfamiliar rink. I used to think that was kind of going overboard but now I don't know. Maybe it was the age of the guys. If I'd walked in and a bunch of 40-year-olds were in there I don't think I'd have been as unsettled. Besides, they smelled. When I told GoalieHusband there were "a bunch of smelly boys" in the locker room, he thought I was just being funny. Oh no, my dear. They reeked. There is no smell like teenage boy hockey player. Gross.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Never Satisfied
"I can't wait get this brace off my leg!"
"I'll be so much happier when I can do simple things like walk up the stairs!"
"Man, when I can just start working out again..."
"I just want to GET BACK ON THE ICE!"
Yeah, well now I'm on the ice, and I'm doing really well when I'm out there. And I'm still not happy. I want to play real games and I want to play them with my teams, dammit. The QCats season is over and I missed the last practice last night because of some seriously Biblical weather. The Hawks are finally, at long long painful last, clicking as a team and winning games. And if you've read this blog for any amount of time you know that it's been a real struggle at times and we weren't sure we'd be staying in the league just a few months ago.
(What my paranoid brain is telling me is that the reason they're winning is because I'm not there... goals against have gone down exponentially.... I'm told the defense is a lot better than it was, and we're putting up good numbers on the other end of the ice. Still, how's that for a nice goalie mind fuck? But there's no room in GoalieBrain for thoughts like that. Only in parentheses in a blog.)
So once again I'm back in the position of feeling like I'm literally straining at a leash. I want to be back in that net so bad I can feel it in the back of my throat. But the next game for the Hawks is do-or-die in terms of getting into the playoffs, and while I feel I would be strong enough to play, I'm not going to put that kind of mental pressure on myself, or open my team up to that kind of doubt. I'm going to hit at least one open hockey session and see how it goes playing at that speed. And if it goes well, I want that net back.
But for now... it's clinic. Clinic tonight, rented ice on Saturday night, and maybe I'll hit open hockey some weekday other than Friday, which is when the McKaye guys are there. Playing at that speed will be the real test. Still one day at a time over here. Going to stone some forwards tonight, bitches.
/GoalieAngst
"I'll be so much happier when I can do simple things like walk up the stairs!"
"Man, when I can just start working out again..."
"I just want to GET BACK ON THE ICE!"
Yeah, well now I'm on the ice, and I'm doing really well when I'm out there. And I'm still not happy. I want to play real games and I want to play them with my teams, dammit. The QCats season is over and I missed the last practice last night because of some seriously Biblical weather. The Hawks are finally, at long long painful last, clicking as a team and winning games. And if you've read this blog for any amount of time you know that it's been a real struggle at times and we weren't sure we'd be staying in the league just a few months ago.
(What my paranoid brain is telling me is that the reason they're winning is because I'm not there... goals against have gone down exponentially.... I'm told the defense is a lot better than it was, and we're putting up good numbers on the other end of the ice. Still, how's that for a nice goalie mind fuck? But there's no room in GoalieBrain for thoughts like that. Only in parentheses in a blog.)
So once again I'm back in the position of feeling like I'm literally straining at a leash. I want to be back in that net so bad I can feel it in the back of my throat. But the next game for the Hawks is do-or-die in terms of getting into the playoffs, and while I feel I would be strong enough to play, I'm not going to put that kind of mental pressure on myself, or open my team up to that kind of doubt. I'm going to hit at least one open hockey session and see how it goes playing at that speed. And if it goes well, I want that net back.
But for now... it's clinic. Clinic tonight, rented ice on Saturday night, and maybe I'll hit open hockey some weekday other than Friday, which is when the McKaye guys are there. Playing at that speed will be the real test. Still one day at a time over here. Going to stone some forwards tonight, bitches.
/GoalieAngst
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Still pinching myself
It's been ages since I've been to an adult skills clinic- even before I got hurt. But it's just the thing I need to get me back into the groove, so GoalieHusband and I were up early this morning and heading to the rink. (I still can't tell you how good it feels to be going through those doors dragging my bag behind me.)
When we got there I found that they've instituted a new rule; one locker room for men, one locker room for women. Hallelujah! Damn good thing too, because there were five of us female types, and there's no way we'd have all fit in the closet. One of the women was a QCat teammate, but two of them I'd never met before. They were both just starting out, and very friendly and full of questions, and when they found out we were QCats, they got all excited and asked about joining. I let Pirate handle the schmoozing- we'd gotten there a little late and I was scrambled getting dressed. At the end of the clinic they were talking to GoalieHusband though, and it sounds like they'll be at practice on Wednesday. Cool. Two more potential demented hockey freaks. Yay!
Clinic itself went great. I ran into several people I hadn't seen in a while, including my old coach, so that was pretty cool. I also went up to the coach running the clinic and mentioned I was coming back from a knee injury, and that I wasn't sure how it would go, so if I left a drill that was why. I needn't have worried. I really am extremely lucky that I "only" missed two months. Yes, it seemed like an eternity, but in the scheme of things, it's really not that long, and I think that's why I am doing so well coming back. My stamina is kind of shot, but my reactions are good and my movements still quick. At one point I even made a really good across the grain save and blockered the puck neatly into the corner, and the coach skated by, tapped my pads and said "What knee injury?" I was tempted to tell him my blocker was just fine, but stopped myself, not wanting to look like an ass and miss the next blocker save.
The funniest part of the morning was care of GoalieHusband though. The coach was kneeling on the ice, drawing up a drill with his Sharpie, and indicated an area along the boards where he wanted the D to gather. "This is the defensive corral," he said. GoalieHusband let out a loud, realistic "MOOOOOOOOOOOO". The coach snickered, started to talk again, and just hung his head and laughed. It got a good laugh from the rest of the players too. Leave it to GoalieHusband to crack a joke and throw a coach off his train of thought. Muahaha.
I've been a completely exhausted waste product all day, have a sore right gleut, and a slightly stiff knee but I don't give a damn. I missed this SO MUCH.
When we got there I found that they've instituted a new rule; one locker room for men, one locker room for women. Hallelujah! Damn good thing too, because there were five of us female types, and there's no way we'd have all fit in the closet. One of the women was a QCat teammate, but two of them I'd never met before. They were both just starting out, and very friendly and full of questions, and when they found out we were QCats, they got all excited and asked about joining. I let Pirate handle the schmoozing- we'd gotten there a little late and I was scrambled getting dressed. At the end of the clinic they were talking to GoalieHusband though, and it sounds like they'll be at practice on Wednesday. Cool. Two more potential demented hockey freaks. Yay!
Clinic itself went great. I ran into several people I hadn't seen in a while, including my old coach, so that was pretty cool. I also went up to the coach running the clinic and mentioned I was coming back from a knee injury, and that I wasn't sure how it would go, so if I left a drill that was why. I needn't have worried. I really am extremely lucky that I "only" missed two months. Yes, it seemed like an eternity, but in the scheme of things, it's really not that long, and I think that's why I am doing so well coming back. My stamina is kind of shot, but my reactions are good and my movements still quick. At one point I even made a really good across the grain save and blockered the puck neatly into the corner, and the coach skated by, tapped my pads and said "What knee injury?" I was tempted to tell him my blocker was just fine, but stopped myself, not wanting to look like an ass and miss the next blocker save.
The funniest part of the morning was care of GoalieHusband though. The coach was kneeling on the ice, drawing up a drill with his Sharpie, and indicated an area along the boards where he wanted the D to gather. "This is the defensive corral," he said. GoalieHusband let out a loud, realistic "MOOOOOOOOOOOO". The coach snickered, started to talk again, and just hung his head and laughed. It got a good laugh from the rest of the players too. Leave it to GoalieHusband to crack a joke and throw a coach off his train of thought. Muahaha.
I've been a completely exhausted waste product all day, have a sore right gleut, and a slightly stiff knee but I don't give a damn. I missed this SO MUCH.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Welcome Home
Given that I hit the ice two nights ago for the first time in nearly two months, you'd think I would have been in here bubbling over with excitement before now. It has taken me forever to write this post though, because of two reasons. First, after my jubilant return my thoughts were so scrambled I couldn't corral them much beyond FUCK YEAH, BITCHES!, which I think is what I tweeted from the car. Second, with my boss out all week with pneumonia (!), work has been absolutely insane and by the time I get home at night my brain has hung out the "gone for the night, come back tomorrow" sign.
But now, on a gorgeous Friday that makes for a very empty office, I have some time to get my thoughts down. All day on Wednesday I was bouncing off the wall, relishing the thought that I'd be packing up my hockey bag and throwing it in the back of the truck with GoalieHusband's and making our way to the rink. (The Hawks had a rare "early" game and were on the other ice surface at the same time the QCats were practicing... more on that later). I was giddy in the locker room, and was actually met with squeals of glee as teammates came in and saw me sitting there with my giant bag, putting my gear on. The Mayor even told me that it was a sight more beautiful than her wedding day. We're serious about our hockey eh.
I was actually quite nervous though, not knowing what to expect. My plan was to spend some time off on my own, working on skating and movement etc. If my knee felt ok, I figured I'd go in the net for some shots, but I wasn't counting on it. Fortunately, it went much better than I expected! After about 10 minutes of t-pushes and pivoting and pushing, and yes, even butterflying, I thought I was in good enough shape to face some rubber. Yes, my knee hurt, but my physical therapist said the kind of pain I was experiencing was to be expected and would go away gradually with time. That's all I needed to hear- as long as I'm not damaging anything, I can work through it.
I skated over to the coach, told him I was ready, and he stopped the drill and I got into the net. And GoalieBrain instantly took over. Without even realizing it, I went through the quick get-pumped, get-focused, bang the crossbar, hit the left post, hit the ice routine that has become second nature upon getting into the net. A huge cheer went up from the girls gathered at the red line. I am having a hard time finding a way to express what I felt. It felt like something fell neatly into place and clicked. Earlier, when we'd pulled into the parking lot, GoalieHusband leaned over and kissed me and said "welcome home"... but it wasn't really until that moment that I felt it. I truly felt like I was exactly where I belonged. And it was exhilarating.
I took shots for about ten minutes and found myself completely winded. I knew I'd lose endurance but wow... I have a lot of work to do. For the most part everything felt fine. There's just one movement that gives me a bit more pain than the rest, and I'll keep my eye on it (so to speak) and make sure it doesn't seem to be getting worse the more I practice. At one point, the puck was at my knees and the forward who'd skated in and shot jumped to cover it at the same time I did (I got it... haha), and jokingly shoved me around a little. Flipper, who was previously my partner on the IR, came over and manhandled her all the way over to the boards. All involved were laughing and cheering- it was all in good fun.
With about 15 minutes left in the practice, I decided to be smart and pack it in. My knee was getting stiffer and more painful and I didn't want to push it. So I wandered (waddled, really, since I didn't want to waste time taking my gear off) over to the other rink to see how the Hawks were doing. Since they were playing the "Drunk Punks", who beat us last time, I was certainly hoping to see a scoreboard in our favor. And I did. We were up by 3 goals to their 1 when I walked in, with a Hawk in the process of putting another one in the net. With only a few minutes left, I stayed to watch, and saw the most idiotic thing I've ever seen at a rink. When they beat the goalie yet again, our guys stood dumbfounded as one of the Punks tackled another one in their defensive zone. I thought at first they were horsing around, but then I heard their voices. They were actually fighting each other. Another Punk came over and dragged the instigator off by the back of his collar, looking an awful lot like a mother cat. It was absolutely bizarre, and with only 38 seconds left, the refs just let the clock run out. Real classy bunch of guys, those Punks.
By a few teammates' accounts, it was a fantastic game on everyone's part and I'm sure it felt great to beat those guys. As anxious as I am to get back into the net "for real", with my teams, I'm playing it smart and leaving the rest of the games this season to my sub. The new season starts up again in mid-April, which is perfect timing. Just before that is the tournament with the QCats up in Massachusetts, so I'll definitely be back in top shape endurance wise. If I'm not, after 4 games in 3 days, I never will be.
But first, clinic, practice, clinic, open hockey etc etc etc to get those muscles back in motion and get my stamina back. I have a grand plan: win the tournament so I can come back and email my physical therapist a sweaty victory picture. DAMN, does it feel good to be back.
But now, on a gorgeous Friday that makes for a very empty office, I have some time to get my thoughts down. All day on Wednesday I was bouncing off the wall, relishing the thought that I'd be packing up my hockey bag and throwing it in the back of the truck with GoalieHusband's and making our way to the rink. (The Hawks had a rare "early" game and were on the other ice surface at the same time the QCats were practicing... more on that later). I was giddy in the locker room, and was actually met with squeals of glee as teammates came in and saw me sitting there with my giant bag, putting my gear on. The Mayor even told me that it was a sight more beautiful than her wedding day. We're serious about our hockey eh.
I was actually quite nervous though, not knowing what to expect. My plan was to spend some time off on my own, working on skating and movement etc. If my knee felt ok, I figured I'd go in the net for some shots, but I wasn't counting on it. Fortunately, it went much better than I expected! After about 10 minutes of t-pushes and pivoting and pushing, and yes, even butterflying, I thought I was in good enough shape to face some rubber. Yes, my knee hurt, but my physical therapist said the kind of pain I was experiencing was to be expected and would go away gradually with time. That's all I needed to hear- as long as I'm not damaging anything, I can work through it.
I skated over to the coach, told him I was ready, and he stopped the drill and I got into the net. And GoalieBrain instantly took over. Without even realizing it, I went through the quick get-pumped, get-focused, bang the crossbar, hit the left post, hit the ice routine that has become second nature upon getting into the net. A huge cheer went up from the girls gathered at the red line. I am having a hard time finding a way to express what I felt. It felt like something fell neatly into place and clicked. Earlier, when we'd pulled into the parking lot, GoalieHusband leaned over and kissed me and said "welcome home"... but it wasn't really until that moment that I felt it. I truly felt like I was exactly where I belonged. And it was exhilarating.
I took shots for about ten minutes and found myself completely winded. I knew I'd lose endurance but wow... I have a lot of work to do. For the most part everything felt fine. There's just one movement that gives me a bit more pain than the rest, and I'll keep my eye on it (so to speak) and make sure it doesn't seem to be getting worse the more I practice. At one point, the puck was at my knees and the forward who'd skated in and shot jumped to cover it at the same time I did (I got it... haha), and jokingly shoved me around a little. Flipper, who was previously my partner on the IR, came over and manhandled her all the way over to the boards. All involved were laughing and cheering- it was all in good fun.
With about 15 minutes left in the practice, I decided to be smart and pack it in. My knee was getting stiffer and more painful and I didn't want to push it. So I wandered (waddled, really, since I didn't want to waste time taking my gear off) over to the other rink to see how the Hawks were doing. Since they were playing the "Drunk Punks", who beat us last time, I was certainly hoping to see a scoreboard in our favor. And I did. We were up by 3 goals to their 1 when I walked in, with a Hawk in the process of putting another one in the net. With only a few minutes left, I stayed to watch, and saw the most idiotic thing I've ever seen at a rink. When they beat the goalie yet again, our guys stood dumbfounded as one of the Punks tackled another one in their defensive zone. I thought at first they were horsing around, but then I heard their voices. They were actually fighting each other. Another Punk came over and dragged the instigator off by the back of his collar, looking an awful lot like a mother cat. It was absolutely bizarre, and with only 38 seconds left, the refs just let the clock run out. Real classy bunch of guys, those Punks.
By a few teammates' accounts, it was a fantastic game on everyone's part and I'm sure it felt great to beat those guys. As anxious as I am to get back into the net "for real", with my teams, I'm playing it smart and leaving the rest of the games this season to my sub. The new season starts up again in mid-April, which is perfect timing. Just before that is the tournament with the QCats up in Massachusetts, so I'll definitely be back in top shape endurance wise. If I'm not, after 4 games in 3 days, I never will be.
But first, clinic, practice, clinic, open hockey etc etc etc to get those muscles back in motion and get my stamina back. I have a grand plan: win the tournament so I can come back and email my physical therapist a sweaty victory picture. DAMN, does it feel good to be back.
Friday, March 4, 2011
No Stoppin' Me Now
Hmmm... I sense a pattern here. On days that I have PT, I'm in a really fantastic mood. I guess I miss working out. Well not anymore, because tomorrow I'm going to start the workouts again. I can do pretty much everything I need to do in the beginning of Ultimate Goalie Training, though I'm holding off on the Speed section for a week. I checked with him about everything and the agility ladder is the only thing he said to hold off on. BOOO YAH. I can do lunges. I can do (partial) squats (nothing deeper than 90* for now...). I can do planks. I can do stuff on the stability ball. Sweeeet. Or maybe that should be "sweat". Haha.
But that's all for tomorrow. First, there's tonight. The QCats have the first of a triple header for the weekend, and I think that's a pretty damn good way to spend a Friday night. I'm going to the game, yes. For some reason, it's different going to those games than it is going to Hawks games. I can't explain it. It still sucks to not be out there, but it doesn't feel like as much of a knife in my heart. It's gotta be the whole women thing. It kind of feels more like hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends. (God, I can NOT believe I just said that). Besides... Coach Sparkle is going, so I might as well tag along. And of course there's the obligatory beer-and-pizza afterwards, and since it's a Friday night who knows how long we'll be hanging out in that scuzzy upstairs room after the game.
I'm hanging in there. It's Friday and that means I'm one week closer to being on the ice. I can drink to that.
But that's all for tomorrow. First, there's tonight. The QCats have the first of a triple header for the weekend, and I think that's a pretty damn good way to spend a Friday night. I'm going to the game, yes. For some reason, it's different going to those games than it is going to Hawks games. I can't explain it. It still sucks to not be out there, but it doesn't feel like as much of a knife in my heart. It's gotta be the whole women thing. It kind of feels more like hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends. (God, I can NOT believe I just said that). Besides... Coach Sparkle is going, so I might as well tag along. And of course there's the obligatory beer-and-pizza afterwards, and since it's a Friday night who knows how long we'll be hanging out in that scuzzy upstairs room after the game.
I'm hanging in there. It's Friday and that means I'm one week closer to being on the ice. I can drink to that.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
PT, Butts, and Balls to the Wall
Running through the peaks and valleys of this injury is providing me some mental cardio, if nothing else. I haven't written because I've been either really down, or really restless and just feeling like I'm on "hold" and waiting for it to be over. There've been a few things I wanted to write about but on the whole, nothing's really going on. But today when I walked out of PT I felt great. It helped that I was able to do something I hadn't been able to do two days ago, and the things that I could do, I was able to do even more of than last time. I finally felt like you know what, maybe this guy is right, maybe I really will be able to do everything I could do before.
Speaking of my physical therapist, I had this weird idea that maybe he wasn't familiar with goalies and what goalies' knees and legs need to be able to do. Maybe it's because I've found it so hard to believe that I'll be "fine" by the time he says I will be, that makes me think he doesn't realize exactly what I need to be able to do. I figured a tactful way to ask would be to ask if he watched hockey, and go from there. I needn't have worried. Turns out he went to school in Buffalo. And had lots of Canadian friends. And that's what they did- watched hockey. The poor guy: when he came back to NJ one of the years the Devils won the Cup he was all excited... and no one around here gave a crap. Man, what a way to lose a fan. Maybe I can get him hooked again.
As good as I felt this morning and as happy with my progress that I have been today, I still have this nagging anxiety. A few days ago someone at work remarked that I looked like I'd lost weight. I scoffed- how could that be, I've been sitting on my ass for 4 weeks? But then it hit me. I have. Lots of muscle, and I've heard somewhere that muscle weighs more than fat. I don't have a scale at home, but my clothes don't lie- all my pants are falling off. That enormous goalie-butt I was so self conscious about? GONE. What the hell? How does that happen? Muscles built up over a period of 5 years just disappear in the span of 6 weeks? Is that even physically possible? How in the world am I going to get back into the net and do anything useful if I'm playing with one decent leg and half an ass?
I know. I know. I still have a lot of work to do. But dammit it's SO FRUSTRATING to see all the work I did do, completely gone to waste. Gah.
But I'm doing something constructive with all this angst. Well, not yet. But I will. Soon. Really. I've been going to my teams' games, which really in retrospect has been a huge mistake, especially the Hawks games. The guy subbing for me is good, and has a wicked glove hand. So I watch from the bench as he flashes the leather and wonder "would I really have had that?". I decided that my time would be much better spent throwing tennis balls against a wall than freezing my (diminished) ass off on the bench and letting doubt creep into my mind. I can not express how much I hate the tennis-ball-off-the-wall thing. Really and truly. It frustrates the everloving shit out of me. But if I want to improve, that is what I have to do. Over and over until I can catch the damn thing more than twice in a row. And then more than three times in a row, and so on until my glove hand becomes slightly less embarrassing.
It really won't take much, just a concerted effort to do it every single day. And how much time can it take? I just drag my feet because I know how bad I suck at it, which pisses me off. The only way around that is through it. Man, sometimes I just want to smack that cheerleader in my head. I hate it when she's right.
Speaking of my physical therapist, I had this weird idea that maybe he wasn't familiar with goalies and what goalies' knees and legs need to be able to do. Maybe it's because I've found it so hard to believe that I'll be "fine" by the time he says I will be, that makes me think he doesn't realize exactly what I need to be able to do. I figured a tactful way to ask would be to ask if he watched hockey, and go from there. I needn't have worried. Turns out he went to school in Buffalo. And had lots of Canadian friends. And that's what they did- watched hockey. The poor guy: when he came back to NJ one of the years the Devils won the Cup he was all excited... and no one around here gave a crap. Man, what a way to lose a fan. Maybe I can get him hooked again.
As good as I felt this morning and as happy with my progress that I have been today, I still have this nagging anxiety. A few days ago someone at work remarked that I looked like I'd lost weight. I scoffed- how could that be, I've been sitting on my ass for 4 weeks? But then it hit me. I have. Lots of muscle, and I've heard somewhere that muscle weighs more than fat. I don't have a scale at home, but my clothes don't lie- all my pants are falling off. That enormous goalie-butt I was so self conscious about? GONE. What the hell? How does that happen? Muscles built up over a period of 5 years just disappear in the span of 6 weeks? Is that even physically possible? How in the world am I going to get back into the net and do anything useful if I'm playing with one decent leg and half an ass?
I know. I know. I still have a lot of work to do. But dammit it's SO FRUSTRATING to see all the work I did do, completely gone to waste. Gah.
But I'm doing something constructive with all this angst. Well, not yet. But I will. Soon. Really. I've been going to my teams' games, which really in retrospect has been a huge mistake, especially the Hawks games. The guy subbing for me is good, and has a wicked glove hand. So I watch from the bench as he flashes the leather and wonder "would I really have had that?". I decided that my time would be much better spent throwing tennis balls against a wall than freezing my (diminished) ass off on the bench and letting doubt creep into my mind. I can not express how much I hate the tennis-ball-off-the-wall thing. Really and truly. It frustrates the everloving shit out of me. But if I want to improve, that is what I have to do. Over and over until I can catch the damn thing more than twice in a row. And then more than three times in a row, and so on until my glove hand becomes slightly less embarrassing.
It really won't take much, just a concerted effort to do it every single day. And how much time can it take? I just drag my feet because I know how bad I suck at it, which pisses me off. The only way around that is through it. Man, sometimes I just want to smack that cheerleader in my head. I hate it when she's right.
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