After playing in the tournament, I drove back yesterday afternoon and had a good long nap and several hours before playing again at 11 with the Hawks. I wasn't going to come here and write about that game, because it sucked donkey balls so hard, but I think it's the only way to purge it from the goaliebrain.
We lost 9-3. I'll jump right in and start off with my biggest fear: that everyone on that bench was shaking their head and muttering that I shouldn't have gone to that tournament and it was affecting my play. Now I'll be logical: with a score like that it can't possibly be all on me. (Can it?) Unfortunately the logical side isn't winning in this bout of the blame game.
Fact: we were missing 4 forwards. That can't have helped matters at all.
Fact: we were actually completely off the board until midway through the 2nd period. That goal came on a 5 on 3.
Fact: this was my 5th game in 3 days. I'd be a moron to think that had no effect at all on my performance but I honestly didn't feel tired. Maybe I was mentally tired. I know for sure that a lot of those goals were complete garbage that I'd like to flog myself over for a while, but I have to get out of my head. I don't want to send myself into another tailspin.
Rehashing every goal in my head is not going to make anything any better so I have to activate goalie goldfish-brain and just forget about all of them and move on. Somehow no matter how many times I say that though, I'm still sitting here brooding. My biggest fear, as always, isn't playing poorly, it's playing poorly and having my team disappointed/disgusted with me for it.
3 comments:
First of all, yeah, I hear ya. Nothing worse than your team being disappointed in you (or FEELING like they are, though they probably are actually thinking about all the things they did wrong).
Second, if you let in some garbage goals, you probably were more tired and maybe a little unfocused that you realized. Maybe that was throwing your timing off a bit? But would you have missed your tournament experience for that? I don't think so. And I don't think your team would expect you to. Life happens around hockey and if it affects it, it affects it.
And frankly, when a score creeps up like that, I automatically blame half the goals on my team. There's a time when a goalie has to step up and be the bitch who stops 'em all and there's a time when the team needs to say, "Okay tonight we need to get in front of those shots and help our goalie out."
Team sport! Everybody feels bad about a game like that.
All you can do now is go back next game with your rested self and do your best.
YOU know all this, but I'm just reminding you. :) Hockey is fun. And the wins wouldn't be so epic if they came every time. Gotta have the odd stinker to keep us motivated and focused and engaged, right?
Heh, thanks. Some good points there. And I read this out loud to GoalieHusband and he said "truer words were never spoken". :)
You aren't playing on a professional team. You're not getting paid. And no one would EVER tell you "Don't play elsewhere - it may jeopardize your play for us!" Its beer league hockey. None of us are in our contract year. None of us are worried about being sent down. Get out of your goalie-head, Goalie! :)
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