Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Boys Are Still Gross

Now that all that serious stuff is out of the way, I can share my pain with you all in that misery loves company sort of sense. I didn't think I'd see anything more disgusting than this at a rink, but I think the condition of our locker room on Sunday night might top that, if only because of number of people affected.

GoalieHusband and I were pretty early for the game, so we were the first ones in the locker room. We dropped our bags, and he headed into the toilet stall- and did a quick about-face and came right back out. "Someone puked in there", he said. Ahhh, so that's what that faint odor was.

Even though Senator took one for the team and went in and flushed the toilet, each person to arrive remarked on the smell. I had a small pocket-sized container of hand sanitizer that I ran around the room spraying, but it didn't seem to help. We left the door open while we dressed, but it wasn't any better when we returned after the game, after we'd kept the room locked up to prevent our valuables from being stolen (again). Fifteen steamy sweaty people in a small room with puke odor. Not a fun time.

Is it a chick thing, flushing the toilet? I mean, I know every woman is always after her man to put the seat down, but really, do men just generally not flush? Or is it just the neanderthals at the rink? I really just don't get that. Every week we arrive to a locker room with a toilet full of unflushed piss, so much so that it hardly bothers us anymore. Every now and then there will be a different kind of donation floating around in there, and once there was even some kind of strange hair explosion lurking in the toilet. And when the QCats have practice during the season, the locker room we use is occupied by high school boys right before us, and the mixed scent of piss and Axe is not something that's easy to forget. But I'll take that over damp steamy puke any day. Gross.

Needless to say, I changed my underthings in the women's restroom instead of taking my chances in the Stall Of Biohazard. I'm bringing a can of Lysol in my bag from now on because that was just vile. The only thing that stunk worse than that locker room that night was our performance on the ice. Har har.

Monday, May 23, 2011

With decision, comes relief

It's so strange. You'd think I'd know myself by now. You'd think I'd realize that when I fight and fight and fight against something, it's usually that thing that I need most to do/accept. Maybe my skull is as thick as my goalie mask and then some, but after a 12-5 shellacking, it finally sunk in: I do not belong in the league I'm playing in. Neither, quite frankly, does most of my team. So no, this is not going to be a "waaah I suck" post. Trust me, I've given this lots of thought.

A few weeks ago, on the way home from yet another double-digit loss, GoalieHusband hit the nail squarely on the head. We are playing against guys who have a hockey background, who played in high school and possibly in college, who certainly have a lot more experience and coaching than a bunch of passionate idiots who just took the sport up in their 30's, outside on the asphalt. (And I use "idiots" as a term of endearment here.) Because we are nothing if not passionate. And it is that passion, that I think has kept me from admitting to myself what the hockey gods have so desperately been trying to show me. We (GoalieHusband and I- I'm not speaking for the whole team here) need to move down a level.

I've fought against this so vehemently in my mind because the next level down is the Adult Instructional League (AIL), which is where we started when we first switched to ice. Talk about coming back with your tail between your legs. But in the years since we've been in that league, things have changed. It is an instructional league in name only. The league levels at this rink are ridiculously skewed. There are players from the QCats C team playing in the AIL. There are players with probably a lot more hockey experience than me playing in the AIL. Why? Because they have or know they would get smoked in the "Lower D" league. Yeah. The next level up isn't even called D. It's called Lower D. So, if the AIL is truly D, then the Lower D is really more like a C, which means the D level is probably a high C/almost B.

I hope I haven't lost too many people with that alphabet soup. It was my pride that made me balk at going "back down" to the AIL. When in fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that's where I belong - in its current incarnation. When I started this whole journey out, I just assumed that I'd start out a raw beginner and keep progressing and moving up. And I thought that's how everyone looked at it. Now that I'm in the thick of it, I realize it's not like that across the board. I realize that as competitive as I am, as passionately as I pursue this hobby, it has to also be about fun. And I'm not having fun anymore.

Like I said, I know I don't belong at this level, but I'm not shouldering the entire burden and beating myself up over it. I'm trying to be objective. Last night was just a microcosm. I started out playing great. Play was in our zone most of the time and yet we got out of the first period only down 2-0, and got a goal early in the 2nd. I continued playing well, but then everything fell apart. All of us. They scored 7 goals in the 2nd period, and it just got worse from there. I'd prefer to not rehash all of it. I do know that making matters worse was one guy playing down from the level above (he was even wearing his jersey from that team), a show-off guy who even when the score was 9-3 would take it end to end, flip it past me effortlessly, and gloat. Several times.

This is not fun. Losing every night, racking up 8, 9 now even 10 or 12 goals against, regardless of whose "fault" they are (as teammates try to assure me they are not all my "fault"), is not fun. Driving home week after week after games like that sucks. The next day sucks. I'm sick of it. I want it to be fun again, and I think it will be if I get back to where I belong. As I told a friend today, I don't give a shit what the league is called, I just want to have a chance at having a good time. I'm certainly not saying it's 100% about fun and winning doesn't matter- because it does. But losing that badly all the time just sucks.

Of course there's the little monster in the back of my head that whispers to me "You know, they beat that team 5-2 when your sub was in net...." I don't know what happened, but when I was out, the pieces fell together. The team was playing well. Maybe part of the pieces that fell together was having someone else in net. I really don't think he's all that much better than me but the facts speak for themselves. We have the same team now as we did when I was out and they did so well. The only thing different is me being back. I'm sick of feeling like I'm letting my team down.

So where does that leave things? I can't say for 100% certain but I don't think I'll be in this league after this season. And from some comments from some other guys after the game, I don't think GH and I will be the only ones. It sucks. I've loved this team. It's a great bunch. But I can't keep putting myself through this wringer. Whether it truly is just me, or whether it's everyone (with the exception of our 3 top guys), it doesn't matter. All I know is, I woke up today feeling a little bit lighter, and not cranky or brooding over the game, because I realized that I needed to make a change. And change sucks. I hate it. I can't even tell you how much I hate it. I'm going to miss these guys something fierce. But I think I have to do this.

Hockey isn't supposed to hurt this much, dammit.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Spreading the word

I'm two for two. In the past two days, I've gotten two people to sign up for Twitter. One is my awesomely fearsome defenceman aka "Flipper", the other is none other than... my Mom. So everyone say hi to @lct29. But I'm not telling you my Mom's screen name because she's still trying to figure this whole twitter thing out. I have already warned her that I have no filter on Twitter. Which actually isn't true. I've bitten my tongue quite a bit. But I have a hell of a lot less of a filter on Twitter than I do around her, so sorry Mom, if you didn't realize how immature and crass I was. ;)

It's been a pretty quiet week in Goalie Household, hockey wise. I've been laying low this week, recuperating from the tournament. It has come to my attention that I do not take very good care of myself at tournaments, and that's something that has to change. I had good intentions with this one; I brought several high protein/carb drinks to have after games to replenish myself, but I forgot to actually bring them to the rink with me. I have to get better about that.

So, I haven't done squat all week, not since my game on Sunday night after rushing home from the tournament. We have a double-header on the schedule for tomorrow, and the first half of it is actually pretty unique. A team the QCats play against in the regular season invited us for a sort of exhibition game, only it's not at their regular rink. One of them somehow won ice time at the Pru Center practice ice. We'll have refs and two 20 minute running time periods (I think). It's pretty cool, but it means that I will be IN MARTY'S CREASE. AAAAAAAHHHH. I have vowed to scratch a Ranger logo into it before I leave.

Later, at night, we have a Hawks game. We lost our last one in a shootout, 7-6. Yeah there went my awesome GAA for the weekend. The first 3 goals I don't feel so great about, but everything from the last half of the 2nd period on, I can certainly be proud of. I played my ass off for the last half of that game. Maybe it took me a little while to get going, but man once I did, I felt great. Unfortunately my shootout luck didn't follow me home from Ithaca, and we lost.

Truth be told, I'm a little concerned that my complete lack of activity all week will have left me a tad rusty, but I'm very much looking forward to both games tomorrow. And I promise to drink lots of water and have my shake as soon as I get off the ice.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Queen for a Day

I have to be totally honest, I really thought we were going to lose our first game on Sunday. We were all starting to drag, and we knew that it wasn't a must-win game in terms of getting to the final. I'm not saying anyone was thinking of throwing the game or even not giving their best, I think it was just a subconscious thing. We knew we'd be in the final whether we won or lost. But thinking about it now, maybe that's exactly why we won- there was no pressure.

We knew going in that it would be a close game, based on how our opponent had done against the other teams in our division. For some of the game, it was pretty close, but about half way through, we started to dominate a bit more. We were in their zone most of the time, and got an insurance goal to make it 3-1 with just a few minutes to go. That score stood, and we came off the ice ready to focus on the next game.

There had been some confusion; we thought initially that unless we completely destroyed this team, we'd be facing them again in the finals. We found out afterwards that wasn't the case; we'd be facing the Susan B's instead. The same team we lost the championship game to last year. Some of the girls were disappointed to hear that, but I found that it pumped me up even more. What better motivation is there than a re-match? I knew it was going to be an awesome game and I could not wait to get out there.

I was not disappointed. It was intense, with just a bit of an edge to it, the kind of hockey I like best. We scored first, and it stood at 1-0 for a while... and then they scored with just seconds left in the 2nd period. After another period of hard fought back and forth play, the tie still stood, and we went into a five minute overtime. By then, a sizable crowd had gathered in the stands and outside the glass down at the end where my net was. I think anyone who was in the rink drifted in to watch. Skating to my net at the beginning of the OT, I got a little thrill. "I'm the goalie in the OT championship game!" Then I got nervous. Fortunately I was able to squelch that right away and the five minutes passed awfully quickly. I was so focused that I don't really remember any specific plays or saves. I was just In The Zone. At the end of the five minutes, we were still scoreless, and the refs informed us that we'd go to a 5 man shootout.

Now here's a little tidbit I've been keeping to myself (mostly). My confidence has been in the toilet since my injury. Not because of the injury itself but because I let some stuff get to me and started playing mind games with myself. This tournament went miles in terms of me earning that confidence back. Even though my confidence problem was mostly with the level my other team plays at, doing so well at this tournament absolutely helped. But shootouts were part of that- I used to love shootouts because I did very well at them. But the last two I had, I lost. So I was a little nervous going into this one but I just absolutely would not let myself psych myself out. I told myself "I got this" and I believed it.

As the home team we got to choose if we shot first or second. While they were mulling it over (I'd told them I had no preference), I took a minute to focus. We decided to go first, and it was a very pretty goal.

Then it was my turn. I blocked out everything- the large crowd that had gathered, my insecurity, the pressure, everything. She came in, I stayed with her, she went to the right, and I went down a fraction of a second too soon and she put it over my right pad. Damn. I skated to the corner and back to shake it off.

Our shooter went- another goal.

While I was waiting for the ref to set up the puck for the next shooter I did some deep breathing and pictured the patience Lundqvist shows in a shootout. I told myself I would wait her out, just like he does. The whistle blew, she picked up the puck, and skated in, going way off to the left. I stuck with her, even as she cut across to my right about a foot out from the crease, and shot. My teammates later told me that from their angle on the bench, it looked like it was definitely going in. But I whipped out my "oh look my leg is over here" toe save and kicked it right into the corner. BOO YAH.

We shot again and scored again.

I stayed in my Lundqvist-as-muse place in my brain, and had plenty of patience with their next shooter, but she missed the net.

Now, I'm used to 3 person shootouts. So at that point, I thought maybe we'd won. Someone on the bench obviously had that same thought, because a glove was thrown out onto the ice. Our shooter went out tentatively, and stood by the puck, but the ref said something to her, and I heard the bench saying that we won. Gionta182 came off the bench, and made a beeline for me, arms open wide. I was still kind of stunned but I went right for her and we had a big awesome hockey hug. Some of the others came over to join in... and so did the ref. He broke it up, saying we had to keep going; they had two more shooters.

Excuse me?

You tell us we won, and then say "oh sorry, you actually have to keep going"? Are you kidding me???

Back to the net I went. Since we had been about to shoot when we'd been given the premature news, we went first. No goal.

I was determined, with every cell in my body, that we would not end up looking like fools. We were going to finish this off and have our celebration, yes, again. I looked up and saw their ringer come off the bench. This was a chick who could take it end to end effortlessly. Someone we'd talked about before the game, deciding who to have out on the ice whenever she was out. And she was the one standing at the red line with the puck. The ref said to me "she has to score".

No pressure, right?

I'll spare you the build-up. I stuffed her. Flipper told me later that she couldn't even watch. She just put her head down and waited to hear the reaction from the bench. The girls went nuts. They swarmed out onto the ice and I was in the middle of a giant mob and I swear I had tears in my eyes. There was a photographer at the tournament, and there are two moments I hope he captured; gionta182 coming towards me that first time, and that giant mob at the end when we really had won. It's hard to describe the feeling of being in the middle of that mob. After everything; the injury, the head games I'd been playing, the intensity of playing the team we'd lost to last year, after all that it felt so good to be the winner.

Last year they had "medals" for the first and second place team. This year for some reason they didn't; they had these silly gold crowns for the winners (I guess they decided to make it a theme, since the name of the tournament was Queen Victoria), and a trophy to take a picture with. They keep the trophy; each year a small plaque is added with the year and winning team's name. We put on our crowns and got settled for the picture, and in all the confusion I knocked the trophy over as I was getting down onto the ice. And it broke. Way to go, goalie.

I felt terrible but they said they would be able to fix it. It was just one of the handles on the side that came off, so I'm sure it can be easily glued back on. They made everyone give the crowns back- there was another championship game right after ours, for the other division- but they let me keep mine. I didn't even ask. I didn't even realize we were supposed to give them back, but someone came and told me "you're allowed to keep yours, since you're the winning goalie in the shootout". I thought that was kind of crappy- why wouldn't you just get two sets of crowns? In the end, some of us stuck around for the end of the other championship game, and got some crowns for the rest of the "old lady" contingent. So all the members of the "real" team have crowns now. They're tacky, and it's corny, but it means we won. I'll take it.

Tournament Day 2... More Hockey Than Partying

I have to say, as much as I absolutely loved the lovely condo we stayed in in Florida, it was very nice to be in a hotel 5 minutes from the rink this time around. Game at noon? No problem, we'll head out around 11:15. Nice.

I think most of us were pretty jacked up for our first game of the day on Saturday. We were facing the Susan B's, a team that beat us 4-0 last year, and if I recall correctly, laid a hit on one of the girls that knocked her out of the rest of the game. We were definitely gunning for revenge in the form of a win. And did we ever get it. No, we didn't smoke them. We won 2-1, but that victory felt better than any "regular season" win I've been a part of. It was a very close game, and I had a brief moment of self doubt when the first goal was against us, as a result of error completely on my part; I had my stick blade angled wrong and I made the stop, but the puck deflected back into the net. GAH. That's up there with the sloppy 5-hole goal on the list of "goals that make me want to disappear under the ice".

Fortunately we got it back in the 2nd period, and managed to score again I think in the 3rd. I didn't count my shots, but there were a lot, and I played really really well. So well in fact that I was awarded the Cock. Yes, I brought Sidney the MVP Chicken along as a surprise for the team, and those that were at Nationals got a huge kick out of it when I took him out of my bag. He was re-named though. The night before, during our card game, no one could get his name right. Sheldon, Stanley, Seymour... Finally one of the young ones said "Look. Let's just call him Cock. It's a lot easier". Plus it had the added benefit of being really funny to say "Hey get your Cock off my bed", or "Sally's got the Cock tonight". #weare12

There was just enough time between that game and our next one (at 4:15) to come back to the hotel, shower, and attempt to take a nap. I ended up sucked into the book I was reading, because I was right at the end. Flipper sat at the desk messing around on her BB, because she said if she had lain down, it was going to be really hard to get her back up in time.

We had another very close game which we won 1-0. Because I was so exhausted when we got back, I was bad about writing down notes and now I don't remember much of it, just that it was another low shot game on my side- but definitely not as low as that first game. I probably saw 15 shots, tops.

Because the Lightning/Bruins series is absolutely making my head explode, I was very happy that we were done in time to be able to watch the game. Initially, I was extremely distressed to discover that there was no VS on the hotel TV channel list. Flipper took care of that with a quick call to the Applebees across the parking lot; they said they'd put the game on one of the TVs if we asked. Six of us headed over for some beer and "real food", and we watched the first two periods. Gionta182 left after the first period, and because I now have a nifty smartphone, I saw her status update about watching the game in the hotel.

What?!

Yeah, apparently the hotel DID have VS. That was all the convincing we needed to close out the tab and head back. Yeah. "The tab." We each had one beer. WOOO HOOO PARTY ANIMALS. We went back to the hotel and a few people joined us in our room for the last period, but I'd say almost all of us dozed off at some point. Welcome to the old ladies tournament. Two hockey games in 6 hours and we're done. We called it a night, knowing we had an early game at 10 a.m. and because of our so far undefeated record were guaranteed a spot in the championship game. Now that's the stuff of sweet dreams.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Friday Night at Queen Victoria

(Yet again I'll be posting recaps of the tourney in segments. This time at least I had my laptop with me, but there was no usable wi fi in the hotel, so I'm editing and cleaning up my notes, one by one. Here's part one...)

This hotel allegedly has wi fi but but no one can get it to work, so I'm writing this now and will post it later. I'm having a blast, as usual. We got here plenty early enough yesterday to check in and chill out for a bit before heading to the rink for our first game. Just like last year, we beat our opponent with in a shutout (I'm pretty sure it was the same team actually), winning 6-0. I actually only had 6 shots against, and as much as that sounds like it was an easy game, it wasn't, mentally. I worked pretty hard at keeping myself focused, and found toward the end that I was thinking “I better get out of this with a shutout, because if I let in a goal on only 6 shots that's ridiculous”. Yeah, I know. Bad thinking. So I squelched it the best I could, and when all was said and done there was still a big fat 0 on the board.

I was a little apprehensive about our team after that. Due to scheduling issues only 6 members of the regular D team were able to come to the tournament, and we filled our roster out with a few “kids” that came last year, and some of their friends. They're all college age girls who have been part of the organization since they were younger, but haven't played in about a year. So, we do have ringers, but they are very respectful ringers (most of the scoring in that game was done by the “old ladies” for example), and don't take over the game. Not only that but they were exhausted to the point of “omg I think i'm going to throw up. No really. I totally think I'm going to throw up” after the game. It's actually pretty hysterical hanging out with a bunch of college girls. It makes you feel old and young at the same time.

Much to all of our surprise, they were excited about coming to the tournament, and even came right to our room after the game, to hang out. Yes, our room turned into the social gathering place for the night. We had the most beer, so I guess there's little mystery there. It wasn't long before the girls excitedly taught us old farts a very complicated but very fun drinking game. It got progressively more hilarious the more we drank and less we remembered the rules. It was then that I tweeted something about hanging with college girls being good for learning new drinking games, and minutes later, after checking her phone, one said “Hey, who's Derek Boogaard?” Nothing harshes a buzz faster than finding out a 28 yr old guy on “your” team, who was so well-loved by his teammates and respected by opponents, has passed away suddenly and with no explanation. The party ended a little bit after that, and I spent a little while scrolling through tweets, trying to get my brain around it. I guess 28 year old guys die every day. And every one of those deaths is sad. But reading the comments and memories from his teammates (mostly from the Wild, who he played longer with) was really heart-breaking. And I really have nothing to say that isn't going to sound cheesy, so safe journey, Boogey. R.I.P.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Coming in Second (Tournament Blog Part V)

Seeing as I have another tournament starting in a few days, I think I better wrap this one up. I wish I had a witty and spellbinding account of our last game, but I don't. We ended up playing the only team that had beaten us, and we lost to them again. The score was 4-1, and I was pretty disappointed. I really thought we could do it, I thought we could win the "hole" thing. But when the final buzzer sounded, we were the recipients of the silver trophy, not the gold one. It's so strange, how in hockey you never "win" the silver. You get it by losing. So although I guess coming in 2nd is pretty good, my competitive spirit balks at being one back from first.

USA Hockey did a great job with presenting the awards after the game. Both teams lined up on the blue lines, and they introduced each player from each team. Everyone got an individual gift, in addition to the team trophy. (Ours were camel-back backpacks, and I'm not sure what the winning team received. There was a rumor it was watches. But I' not positive). There was lots of sportsmanship, as each player who was introduced and picked up her gift went down the line of the opposing team for another round of high-fives and "good game"s.

When we got back to the locker room there was a bucket of ice with two bottles of champagne waiting for us. I'm not sure if the rink left them there or if one of the coaches did, but we wasted no time in popping those corks and having ourselves a little party:

Mmmmm cheap champagne never tasted so good. :P

I have to say, even though I was disappointed at not coming in 1st, this was probably the best vacation I've had since my honeymoon. Vacation/relaxing/swimming during the day... and hockey at night? What more could you ask for? And I learned a few things as well. #1 being: KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT and don't talk to the other team. Good lord. What a dumbass. But I also learned that flying isn't really all that bad, and maybe just maybe I can do it again. There's talk of a tournament in Iceland. At least now I know it's not COMPLETELY out of the realm of possibility. And now all those trips we have yet to make to those western NHL rinks aren't as daunting either.

And in a day and a half, I'm on the road again for the next tournament. The OysterGlove is patiently waiting. I promise this time I'll be better about writing about the games closer to when they happen. I tend to forget stuff... hey come on I have goldfish-brain, remember?