Also... *shudder*

Don't mind me, I'm on my lunch break catching up on reading I haven't done in a few days. I was just reading this article, about Jeff Frazee's near miss in 2009, and had the thought I have every time I hear about a case like this. 1) Why some goalies still don't wear neck protection is absolutely beyond my comprehension; 2)We beer-leaguers wouldn't have a prayer if something like this happened in one of our games or open skates. Think about it. Malarchuk, Zednik, Frazee... all these guys had medical staff right there in the blink of an eye, which is why they are alive today. (In Frazee's case I'm not so sure, since it mercifully missed his jugular... but you get my point). At midnight at our rink, the place is deserted. Running out to the desk to notify the lone staff member (or running to the locker room to call 911 on your cell yourself) would take long enough, nevermind the time it would take for the EMTs to get there.

Am I saying beer leagues should have ambulances and medical staff right there? Absolutely not, that's absurd. It's a risk we take. The number of injuries that can be instantly life-threatening fortunately is very small (cut in the wrong place, heart problem, spinal injury are the ones that come to mind), and the chances that they'll actually happen are even smaller. For all I know there could be some kind of emergency policy in place at the rink, I have no idea. There is a defibrulator in the lobby, but I have no idea how many people are actually trained to use it.

Maybe the answer is to split up the MedWings and make sure there's a doctor or med student on each and every team or participating in each open hockey session. I gotta tell ya... I've never felt safer on the ice than when I skated with those guys. Actually that's not true. With GoalieHusband playing D in front of me, if anyone so much as looks at me cross-eyed they get knocked on their ass. But that's different.

GoalieBrain Dump

Ahh the holidays. Busy busy, but not much ice time. Booo! That doesn't stop the GoalieBrain though. There are some thoughts rattling around up there so I figured I'd get them out on "paper"... er.... "screen"? *scratches head* Anyway:

It hit me during my last game, and I just never got around to writing about it, how cool it is to be able to identify team-mates solely by their stride. Ok, I guess their size is a visual cue as well. But I might not be able to see someone's jersey, but I can tell just by how they're skating, who they are. That's pretty awesome. I've had that ability with the Hawks for some time, but I only just recently noticed it when playing with the QCats. It made me smile- it was sort of a bonding moment for me, I guess. Man, I love my teams!!!

Just a few nights ago GoalieHusband and I played in a pick-up game with @gionta182 and @hkygrl12 and some of their team-mates. This group has rented ice a few times, evidently, but I guess they needed a goalie, so gionta182 asked if we could come. (What's odd is, when I got there, there were actually two other goalies. And what's even odder is that one of them was a skater just playing goal for that night. But hey, with a 90 minute slot, taking shifts isn't the worst thing in the world.) It was a good skate, and I think I did pretty well. It wasn't until about 45 minutes in that I got scored on. How often does THAT happen in a pick-up game???

Towards the end of the game, my D suddenly disappeared and there was hkygrl12 coming down the ice on a breakaway, with gionta182 not far behind. GoalieBrain perked up for that one. It's always fun to face off against a friend, it adds that little extra competitive spirit. So I came out nice and aggressive to challenge her... and she totally blew it. It's ok, I can say that, because she told Twitter that I scared her into "Kovalchuking" herself. Gotta love it when a new word is coined. (And I'm sure she'll get me next time, so I'm staying humble. Maybe. Hee hee.)

And last but not least, GEAR!!!!!!! Merry Christmas to me! I finally was able to get that new pair of pants I've been wanting for oh, almost a year now. Yay! I also got a new bag. I've been using an old one with a broken zipper ever since my cat peed on my regular one this summer, and it's really a pain in the ass. What's also a pain in the ass is walking through doors and up stairs with a hockey bag balanced on one shoulder and a pair of pads balanced on the other. I always took some kind of dumb pride in the fact that I carried my bag, none of that wheel shit for me, thank you. Guess it's a bit of female machismo (machisma?), proving that hey I may be a girl but I can still lug my gear around without resorting to wheels.

Well, the guys at Goalie Crease made me see the light. Take the stupid machismo thing out of it, and really, it's pretty dumb to be struggling with a load like that when you could just be pulling it around behind you. Add to the fact that I suddenly began having problems with the shoulder I carry my bag on, and I figured maybe it was time to puss out and get a wheeled bag since I needed a new one anyway. I decided if I'm going to be making things simple I might as well go all the way and get the enormous goalie bag that you can put ALL of your gear in, including your pads. I can't wait to just go up to a door, open it and walk through, instead of having to maneuver myself to one side to get the bag through, then pivot slightly to get myself and the pads through, all while holding my sticks in one hand and water in the other. It took me so long to realize this, why? Dumbass.

Anyway, there is yet another reason why this bag will come in handy. I'm going to be *gulp* flying to a tournament in April. Most of you have only come to know me recently and probably don't know that I. Do. Not. Fly. Last time my ass was in a plane was in 2000, and that was for work so I had no choice. And no it has nothing to do with 9/11. But the QCats are going to Womens Rec Nationals (don't get too excited... it's the "over 40" division and last year there were only 4 teams. I'm allowed to go because you're allowed 3 players under 40 but over 35. So there, now you know how old I am.) So yeah, I'm flying with my gear, and somehow I don't think a goalie bag with a broken zipper is going to make it past security. The stench alone will set off the bomb detectors probably. And where the hell was I going to put my pads? So now at least everything will be all zipped up nice and tight and cozy and safe, and the bag handlers won't have to wear HAZMAT suits to load it onto the plane.

OMG did I just say plane? Aaaaaaaaaaaah! I confided in my captains that I am petrified of flying, so they'll have to take good care of me. They assured me that there is a bar right at the gate, so there's no problem. Also GoalieHusband will be going, so that helps too. He may want to smack me by the end of the flight but he'll be there. Yes, this flight is over 4 months away and I'm already stressed out about it. ACK!

Ok. Fun. It's going to be fun. And I have blathered on long enough for a post that's really about nothing. This is one of those ones that no one is reading at this point, isn't it? Hello? Anyone there? Oh well... off to do some work...

Oh! Also...

See, this is what happens while I'm waiting for GoalieHusband to get home from his ungodly retail-at-Christmas-hours. I think of all kinds of things to tell the internet that the internet doesn't really care about.

The Hawks got our winter season schedule today, and right away several things stuck out at me. First off, there were more than three games on it. I'll be damned. Maybe this new league coordinator is actually going to tighten the reins a little and be quasi-organized. For quite some time, we'd get an email roughly 4 days before the first game saying "Ok guys here are your first 3 games. I'll get the rest of the schedule to you soon." Gee, thanks. At least the fact that most of our games are at 11pm means there really isn't a whole lot of schedule juggling you have to do when you finally find out what nights you're playing.

So, having a full schedule right off the bat is pretty nifty. Second thing I noticed? We have TWO new teams in the league! The drunk punks are back (whee!), and that other blue team from the level just above us dropped down. Might as well call 'em by their actual name, since it's pretty damn cool. The entire team is comprised of doctors and med students, and they very cleverly call themselves the MedWings. I have to come up with a blog name for my Quarry Cat d-girl who plays on that team, since I'm sure I'll be mentioning her throughout the season. Hey being in both leagues I'm in doubles your chances of being blogged about. At least I don't use real names. So, suggestions welcome. She's a kick-ass defenseman and sticks up for me. I love playing behind her. (Shut up, no ass jokes.) Playing against her? Well I hear she plays forward on that team so we'll just have to see about shutting her the hell down. Muahaha.

The last thing I noticed was that all of our games are either on Wednesday nights or Sunday nights. Wednesdays are Quarry Cat practices, so I'm going to have several more of those practice-to-game double headers (3 right off the bat). Only once is the game at the same time as practice, and I'll just have to miss practice that night. My attendance is stellar, so they'll just have to cope without me for one night. As for the Sunday nights, thankfully there is only one conflict, and it's only a partial conflict at that. QCats have a 7:50 in Westchester, NY, and the Hawks play at 11 in our home rink. Let's assume the QCat game gets over at 9, and I'm in the car and headed back to Jersey by 9:30 at the absolute latest. (If I leave my gear on and make GoalieHusband drive, it can be even sooner than that. I've also been informed that if I do that, photos must be taken for Facebook). That gives me a good hour to get to the rink with time to spare. Now... we learned our NYC traffic lesson this weekend, however I think going in the opposite direction (who the heck wants to go toward Jersey?) at that time of night will be pretty painless. *knocks on wood*

Wow that was a lot of babbling about essentially nothing. Bring on the double-headers and the metro-area mad dash! Well... after this nice little holiday rest, that is. I'm quite enjoying getting to bed at a decent hour.

Hockey is Better Than Zombies

Since I just scared the ever-loving wits out of myself watching the second episode of "Walking Dead", I'll just come bask in here in the nice safe world of hockey and try to de-freak myself. There is a reason I don't watch horror movies. I'm ridiculously easily freaked out (big tough hockey player here!). But the first episode was really not that scary, had more of a "The Stand" feel to it than anything else. But yeah. I went from window to window watching my husband as he took the recycling out, just to make sure the zombies didn't get him. I also briefly entertained the notion of barring up our windows so we'd be safe in here during a zombie attack.

So! How about that cleansing of the palate? Well let's see... last night's Ranger game was EPIC on the excitement-level scale. I wish they could all be like that! Sunday's game... well I'm probably better off not voicing my opinion on that one, because it's probably an unpopular one. To sum it up in a nutshell? Avery was a class A douchebag for sucker-punching Smid, but you know what? Smid didn't have to challenge him on a clean hit either. And Pekham didn't have to try to follow him down the tunnel. OF COURSE Boyle is going to grab him. That's what you do, you protect your team-mates. And once Boyle grabs Pekham, naturally everyone else is going to square off. And Dubinsky getting fined for defending himself when someone grabbed him is just complete and utter bullshit. I fail to see how the Rangers are the bad guys in all this (other than Avery). But hey, I know everyone loves to hate the Rangers, so have at it. It'll make the rest of the season that much more exciting I guess.

Crap, I said I wasn't going to go there didn't I. Ah well. That's a hell of a lot more interesting for you to read about than how the light bulb went on and I figured out how to solve my "ARRRGHHH I can't keep up with this workout schedule while working full time with a sucky commute and playing hockey at the wee hours of the morning!" problem. Actually, GoalieHusband solved it. We were talking it over one night (things are INSANELY exciting in this house, let me tell you!) and he said why don't you just do the workouts when you can and not worry about getting them done in a week? Well DUHHHH. 'Cause, um, that would like, make sense. So, I'm almost finished with "Week 3" but in reality it'll be more like 10 days. I would have knocked off that last day this morning but the stabbing sharp pains I was getting in my knee all day yesterday made me decide to give it a rest. Not sure what that was all about- it's completely gone today, thankfully.

Tomorrow is double-header night. I can't wait. Practice and then a game. I am completely nuts for being this excited about that. Yay hockey! (See? I told you it was better than zombies).

Goalie Whore, Jerseys, First Game

Yeah, really, it's not what you think (my obsession with Tuukka Rask aside). This is what my best friend calls me on a regular basis and I'd be hard pressed to deny it. Looks like I'll be whoring myself out lending my services to another team for the next several weeks. A friend's team lost their goalie, so she asked me to fill in. Woo hoo, more ice time, more pucks to stop, yay! When I told my name-calling friend about this she said "you'll tend goal for anyone". (This is not a comment on the team I'll be subbing for. She's not involved in these dopey beer leagues and could care less who I sub for.) My natural reaction was to say "No I wouldn't", but when I thought about it, she's right. I would play for just about anyone. Except for the Drunk Punks. I may be a whore but I do have standards.

So, now that I'm official on the women's team, I need to order some jerseys. I contacted the woman who is placing orders for the entire organization, who happens to also be a goalie (for the C team). I told her I wanted a goalie cut but evidently if you order goalie cut what they really send you is a size 4X. This makes me nuts. I have a hard time finding any goalie cut jersey that actually fits, because I think jersey makers just assume the entire thing needs to be humongous and flap around like an unsecured tent in the breeze. Really, all I need is a little more room in the chest and much wider sleeves. C-goalie offered to hold the order until next week, when I can try her jersey on at practice (she has a 3X). She thinks I can get away with a 2X but I want to be sure. It's kind of dorky but I'm excited to be getting the jerseys. I've been wearing just any old dark or light jersey when I play with them, and I know the goalie can wear whatever the hell she wants, but this will make me feel like more a part of the team.

I'm not too positive about the proposed "3rd jersey" they want to order though. I think my jersey budget is going to be tapped with these two regular ones, so I may not go for it. Thankfully they switched from the insanely obnoxious red-white-black horizontal striped Ottawa 67's jersey to a much more palatable red one with black trim. Unfortunately they're all gung ho on getting nicknames on the back. I gotta say, I don't love this idea. First of all, not everyone has a nickname, and even those who do aren't called by it on a regular basis. And, I just think it's kind of dopey. I guess this is the difference between mens' and womens' hockey...

Jersey issues aside, we have our first game tomorrow night and I am stoked. We've been practicing for almost a month now, really productive practices at that. And because of all the tournaments and summer ice rental, there wasn't much rust to shake off overall, so we pretty much picked up right where we left off. I'm excited about the season, I think we're going to do very well.

So, game on Sunday, game on Monday (for the goalie-less team), Hawks game on Tuesday, practice on Wednesday. If this is being a whore then I embrace it fully.

Um... lets get on with it please?

Tick.... tock.... tick..... tock..... That's the soundtrack from the inside of my head while the days crawl by as I wait for my teams' seasons to start. I'm restless, antsy, always slightly aggravated. The fact that practices have started up for the womens' team is helping a little. We had a great practice last week, and I think it's only going to get better from there. Coach has decided to split into groups each week after some warm-up skating and puck-handling drills. Besides the head coach, there are two assistant coaches (one of whom is GoalieHusband hehehe), so we're going to break off into groups; forwards (working with Head Coach), defense (working with GoalieHusband), and ... me. I'll be working with the other assistant coach. I'm ecstatic about this because even though he's not a goalie coach, getting some individual attention can only help. He's already told me to let him know what I want to work on, since I know best what I need. (Hear that, glove hand? You're going to get your atrociously slow ass whipped into shape).

And as far as "things I need to work on" go, I've already gotten some feedback from Head Coach. This weekend there was a sort of last minute season kick-off party. Unfortunately because of somewhat late notice, not everyone could be there. It ended up being a small turnout, and we sat on the deck in the dark drinking beer, downloading ridiculous music, and talking. For the most part we didn't talk shop. But one thing that was discussed was getting the defense passing more. Including passing back to me. Waaaaiiiit a second. Hold the phone. Me? Play the puck? You really don't want that, Coach. Trust me. What's that saying? The thing you're afraid of doing is the thing you most need to do? Alright then. Bring on the pain.

I also have an update in the jersey number department. I mentioned that I was trying to decide which number to wear, and it was pretty much unanimously decided for me that I should wear Pi. I have no idea where that came from. I'm not a math geek. I think it's alternately hilarious and... well, kinda dopey. Right now I'm going with dopey.

Righteous indignation... kind of

Open hockey was unreal this morning. Apparently the entire Russian Federation came out (and were all on the same team, thanks guys), and combined with the guys who are usually there, the game was one of the fastest I've seen. I just about had that shark tank feeling, but then I settled in and actually stopped some shots. There was another female there today, a girl who's on her way to her freshman year of college in a New England school (after spending high school in a New England prep school). She's freakin' good. And sneaky. Usually she stands out a little bit- not today, she blended right in. And her team (white) had some of the most seamless passing and breakouts and plays around the net that I've seen in open hockey. Unfortunately half the time I was playing against them and couldn't really appreciate the beauty of it all that much. But I didn't do too badly.

So where does the righteous indignation come in? Off the ice. You see, I go to work after playing on Friday mornings. So I kinda need to get cleaned up after the game. So do a lot of the guys, but they have no problem with that, their locker rooms have showers in them. The "womens' locker room" is a modified closet, with no facilities. Normally, this is not a big deal. If we're on Rink 1, I just go over to Rink 2 where the figure skaters are flitting around and shower over there. But during the summer there are rugrats everywhere, because it's hockey camp season. So both rinks' locker rooms are packed to the gills. What I end up having to do is hunt around for a locker room that isn't being used at that moment (i.e. all the players are out on the ice) and shower in there as quickly as possible before the occupants return for their stuff. So far, that's worked for me.

Today, I almost got walked in on. I found a locker room that had bags in it but no people. I locked the door, put the garbage can in front of it (as Phantom instructs me to do), and took the quickest shower of my life. No shampoo even. Of course, while I was in the process, someone was banging on the door trying to get in. I dried off (mostly) and jumped into my clean clothes and was just leaving as one of the rink staff was coming toward the locker room with the key in her hand.

Now, I'm not a rabble-rouser. But my feminist leanings got all rankled when I thought about what a colossal pain in the ass it is for me to take a shower, when it's not even an issue for the guys. I could go to management and make a big deal about how there legally have to be equal facilities. But in all honesty, this is only a problem two months out of the year, and I'm not even there every single week because work sometimes interferes. (Imagine! Work interfering with hockey!) After bitching about it on Facebook and IM, I felt a little better. But I still think we should at least have a freakin' shower.

What the womens' locker room lacks in sanitary facilities though, it makes up for in entertainment. As I think I've mentioned before, the ref's/coach's room is on the other side of the wall. And there's a big hole in the sheetrock way up at the ceiling. (Yeah, no one's got a camera in there AT ALL...) So I get to hear all kinds of amusing "guy conversations". Today there were several dudes in there, by the sound of it. As I'm packing my gear away I hear...

Voice: Oh come on! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? FUCK! [pause] Who stole all the goddamn toilet paper????

There was uproarious laughter from the other dudes, accompanied by more swearing from the poor soul stranded in the bathroom stall.

Dude: Hey Kevin how's it going in there?

Voice: Fuck you, man.

More laughter.

Yeah.... sometimes I'm glad I'm a chick after all.

Light at the end of the tunnel!

The off-season blows, but it's even worse when you yourself aren't playing either. Both my teams have been off all summer, and with the exception of a few tournaments there's been no competition, no weekly gathering of the team, no ebb and flow of hockey season. Open hockey is fun, and so is renting ice, but there's nothing like an actual GAME.

Fortunately, the end is in sight. The Hawks should be starting up at the end of September, and the Quarry Cats schedule is in the process of being finalized, but we have our first game (Oct 17th), and practices start in late September. On my birthday, no less. So, just a little over a month and I'll be on the ice at a minimum of three times a week. Ahhh.... can't wait. Gear, enjoy being dry now. 'Cause you won't know what that feels like again until next May. Awesome.

Blogging again... no really, for real this time

Twitter is pretty darn cool. I'm no technical whiz (as you can tell by the quality of this blog) but I finally signed up and wow what a hockey community on there! And quite the goalie community as a subset of that as well. I get pretty much all my hockey (I should say "goalie") news from there now, and have found some pretty cool sites as well. One of them, a blog, inspired me to get my ass in gear and write in here again. She's a goalie like me and a kick-ass writer, go check her out: MsConduct .

So yeah, I changed my name on here as well, because on Twitter I'm maalivahti, and there's already a "goalie gal" on there, and I'm sure she wouldn't want to be confused with me as she's like way cooler than I am.

I have been suffering from lack of ice time in the last week or so, as the Hawks' winter season is over (BECAUSE WE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP, WOOOOO!), as is the season for the womens' team I've been filling in for. I'm left now with just open hockey sessions, which are really what keep my skills honed, since I'm going up against guys who are light years beyond my skill level. Usually I do pretty well and sometimes I actually kick a little ass. This week though, I just flat out sucked. Combination of no jump in the legs whatsoever and a bunch of college kids home on break. It did however mark the return to the ice of GoalieHusband (I'll still call him that even though I changed my name on here.) After 5 months off the ice healing from concussion issues, he's slowly getting himself back into the game. He's gone to a few clinics and yesterday came to open hockey with me. He played out of his mind. It was great to see. He also brought back a tidbit of bench conversation:

College Kid 1: Hey are you 21 yet?

College Kid 2: Yeah... I'm 22. Man it sucks. When you're turning 21 you have something to look forward to. Now I'm 22, and all I have to look forward to is you get a real job, get a wife, buy a house, have some kids... and then you die.

Wow, thanks for the perspective on life, kid!

Telling perfect strangers to "suck it". Or: Texting gone awry

Since I have nothing better to write about during my period of hell on earth known as "not playing hockey", I figured I'd share a little story. (Yayyy! Story time!) Now, to really "get" this one I need to give you some backstory.

The year was 2006... during the course of watching a Rangers/Devils game, when the Rangers scored a goal, I gleefully texted my best friend "SUCK IT!!!", as was our custom. Or so I thought. I had in reality inadvertently sent the text message to the first person on my contacts list, who just so happened to be someone I didn't know very well; a fellow female hockey player I was just starting to establish a friendship with. Knowing she was (and still is) on the quiet side and certainly not prone to use of naughty language (I know, I know... she plays hockey... she should at least swear), I quickly sent a followup text "Sorry!!! That wasn't meant for you!" I thought she had my number programmed in her phone- she did not. So all she had was a text from a random stranger yelling at her to "suck it" and then a followup text which she later said didn't really seem to make her feel any less weird. Fortunately, there were no hard feelings and it has become our standard joke.

Fast-forward to last night, to GoalieHusband's fantasy hockey draft. This friend is in the league as well, and I had a separate chat window open to talk to her during the draft. Unfortunately my computer had other ideas. I had to log out of chat to actually do anything productive with my team, and so I sent her a quick text to let her know why I had to log out. Now.... she had recently moved. I could have sworn she said her cell number hadn't changed... (you see where this is going don't you). I immediately got a response back.

Her: who is this?

Me (feeling like being a smartass): its GoalieGal.... SUCK IT MARTY!!!

Response: um.... my name is christopher. i think you have the wrong number.

Me: omg i'm sorry!

Response: its ok babe.... hope you connect with marty! ;)


My thoughts....
#1 EWWWW omgwtfbbq he did not just call me "BABE"
#2 EWWWW I want to throw up thinking about "connecting" with Marty.
#3 My friend is going to laugh her ass off when I tell her this.

She did. And she declared that it must indeed be hockey season now that the first "SUCK IT MARTY" text has been thrown down.

Let the season begin.

Summer Season Game 3 - The Matinee

Most of the Red Hawks' games have been quite late at night, with the earliest ever being 8:20pm, and it was only one game at that. This season we managed to swing two early games, with a 7:30 pm faceoff. Most people would be thrilled with this quirk in the schedule. But I am not most people.


I've developed into a routine of sorts with these games. Come home from work, crash for about 20 minutes, eat, pack the gear, and head out. Or, if it's a very late game, like 10 or 11pm, hang around for a bit, then head out. Regardless of who drives, the 40 minute trip gives me time to listen to a favorite CD and zone out a bit, which allows me to focus. But this.... this 7:30 business is something different entirely! Because I work close to the arena, it didn't make sense to go home and then come back (nor would I have the time to do that). So I had to amend my routine, which made me a little jumpy, and it got me thinking about all those supposed "weird quirks" that goalies have.


I think the days of the truly nutty goaltender are over, thanks to the advent of masks and superior quality protective equipment. Now you don't have to be insane to stand in front of speeding pucks. Gone are the days of goalies knitting caps or completely stripping out of gear and clothes and showering, only to re-clothe and re-gear themselves, all in the 15 minute break between periods. Sure, goalies are still probably a little more superstitious than the average joe on the whole, but standing on an empty bench meditating minutes before the game, or spending time sitting in empty seats in the arena and taping your stick are pretty calm and almost make sense in comparison to those older whackjobs.

Sometimes it seems that people think you have to have strange habits or compulsions to be a goaltender. On one message board where I was talking to some young women just starting out, I actually read a post by one of them that said something like "oh I'm sure I'll have all kinds of really weird superstitions!". I didn't even bother to point out that it doesn't work like that. You don't go into it looking for something to make you "kooky". I think what it boils down to is comfort and reassurance - just like my routine for late night games has become something familiar and comforting for me. I have a mantra of sorts, that I keep running through my head during games. It's not because I think it has magical properties or will make me play better in and of itself, but it helps me focus because it takes the blabbering, wandering part of my brain and gives it something to do while the rest of my brain can focus on the task at hand. If my mind doesn't start wandering to the last save or goal, or jumping ahead to the next period, or even going so far astray as to wonder about what I'll have to eat when I get home, then it can't distract me. If it's busy mumbling a memorized set of words, then I don't have to worry about psyching myself out over an opponent's obvious skill.

That's really all it's about. And listening to particular songs in the car on the ride there get me in the groove and start the process of focusing. But come on.... even if I did do something really bizarre, you don't think I'd tell you, do you? I mean, that would just flat out be bad luck!

Goalie Butt

I love the "goal-cams" the NHL uses during games. As a fan it's great to be able to see the precise moment the puck crosses the line - or doesn't - and see the exact sequence of events on replays. As a fledgling goalie, I love being able to see the masters at work close-up. One down side is the occasional moment when one of the regular cameras switches to the goal-cam during a stoppage in play, or when the puck is in the other zone. At those moments, you get an eye full of nothing less than goalie butt- made that much more enormous by the unreal amounts of padding in the pants. Goalie Husband always teases me that I love that shot, because I get to look at a man's butt so close up. I remind him that I can hardly see what the guy's butt actually looks like, under all that equipment.

What does this have to do with me? As I stated previously, I'm pretty much built like a string bean. Or, I was. With the exception of one period of time during a lengthy illness, I have been wearing the same size clothes throughout my adult life, even 10 years after college. I'm not bragging, I think it's just a matter of a hummingbird's metabolism. Now that I'm in my 30's I'm sure that will change some. But soon after I took up goaltending, and dove in headfirst by playing three (or sometimes four) games a week, for hours at a time, my leg, thigh and yes, my butt muscles naturally bulked up. This resulted in the extremely perplexing and potentially panic-inducing (for women) phenomenon of none of my pants or skirts fitting me anymore. It was a gradual thing, but noticeable. I started playing in March of 2006, and by fall of 2007 I was literally holding some of my pants together with safety pins, unable to button them at the top. I had to retire several skirts that clung to me just a wee bit too tightly for appropriate office attire. Worst of all, I had to go out and buy new clothes, in a bigger size. Oh, the trauma! I jest, actually. I doubt the casual observer even notices the difference, and it's obvious to me that it's not a case of me sitting around eating bon-bons and getting "fat", but just my body's natural reaction to all the strenuous activity. However, there are times when the female stereotypes apply to me (as much as I hate to admit it), and I do have a bit of a fixation on what I refer to as "my giant goalie butt". I try to keep this to a minimum and of course never talk about it around any of "the guys", because locker room talk is lewd enough as it is, without it being aimed at my enormous ass. (Said with tongue firmly in....errrr.... cheek).